And Sometimes the Truth Just Won't Leave You Alone
by eyeslikeashowroom
Summary: Blair hates Serena. But she loves her, and eventually it's all just too much to not do something about it. femslash, waldsen.
1. Chapter 1

Blair didn't know when she first started being attracted to Serena. She wished she knew the exact moment it had happened, so she could undo it somehow, stop it from happening. But she doesn't..

She knows she loves Nate. _Knows_ it. The kisses, the touches, prove that she loves him. On those nights she spends with him, she feels like she's flying. She just can't get enough of him. Nate loves her and wants her, and Blair feels like he's her whole world.

Blair's world is only big enough for one other person.

But then there's Serena, making her crash down to earth like motherfucking gravity. Her touch, her smell, everything about her just draws Blair in and she can never get out when that happens, not really.

And like right now, Serena's staring at her from across the room, Blair can _feel_ her gaze, and she can't handle it anymore. It's too much. And when a hand grabs her arm tightly, Blair doesn't even have to look to know who it is.

"I need to talk to you." The voice is low, urgent. And Blair, all set on being the bitch tonight, refuses to look up at those eyes and those lips and that _face _that can just undo everything about her.

"I thought I told you to never speak to me again." Her tone is cold and harsh, and she almost replicates Serena's cringe.

"It's important." And then Blair is up, stumbling towards the bathroom. Serena is forcing her there quickly, which is very uncharacteristic because Blair is usually the one that holds the reigns, and she makes a mental note that if her and Serena are _ever_ together, she'll make sure Serena knows who's in charge.

When they get to the bathroom, Serena stands behind Blair, taking her into her arms, and the brunette stiffens, tugging away sharply. Serena holds her tighter, not too constricting but enough so she can't get away, and leans over Blair's shoulder to give her a look.

Blair's not _scared_ of Serena, but decides maybe she'll stay right here after all. For a minute, anyway.

"I thought we were best friends, Blair," Serena says in her "I'm-so-nice-and-innocent-and-don't-ya-just-love-me" voice, and Blair certainly does not just love her.

"That was before you slept with Nate," Blair hisses back.

"I told you I was sorry, it was just a quick-"

Blair's _so_ not interested in hearing this right now, and she digs her nails sharply into Serena's arms so she shuts up and lets go of her.

"Was there something important you dragged me here for?" she asks lowly, avoiding Serena's eyes. She needs to stay cruel, and in order to do that she absolutely _cannot_ look into those blue orbs.

"I think our friendship's pretty damn important," replies Serena, getting angry now. And as much as Blair is in love with her, she resists the urge to laugh, because making Serena mad has always been a weird pleasure to her.

"Well, that's where we differ, S," says Blair, shrugging.

"I love you Blair. And I know you love me," says Serena, taking a step closer. Blair, embarrassingly, feels slightly threatened by the closeness, and takes a step back.

She opens her mouth, ready to protest, but then Serena's lips are on hers, Serena's fingers are in her hair, and all she taste and smell and feel is _Serena_.

So naturally, she loses her mind.

Serena crushes her lips against Blair's and Blair lets out a soft growl, because the blonde's being way too forceful. Her hands travel up Serena's slender back lightly, and then stop abruptly.

And then Blair just _digs_ her nails into Serena's back, hard, almost enough to break skin.

"B," Serena gasps, and Blair's so angry with herself for fucking caving, so angry at Serena for _making_ her cave, so her nails dig harder, roaming Serena's back, drawing gasps and whimpers from the girl in her arms.

Serena needs to feel pain for once.

"Blair," says Serena sharply, and if she thinks that's going to stop Blair she's so fucking wrong, because it only eggs her on more. Blair's just digging and scratching and _dragging_ her nails down, until Serena starts to wrestle with her for the control. And, being bigger and taller, she wins.

She tugs on Blair's hair long, chocolate brown hair sharply, agitated, and Blair eyes her, refusing to let Serena control this.

Serena tugs again, very hard, and Blair finally lets her head drop back, lets her back arch under Serena's control, lets herself be held in that vulnerable position.

Her soft throat is offered completely to Serena, so the blonde attacks it immediately, sucking and biting and trying to get some kind of sound out of Blair.

"This is the last time you'll dominate me, Serena," says Blair coldly. "Enjoy it."

"Mmm." Serena presses her lips to Blair's collarbone, and Blair feels her smile. "I guess we'll see, won't we."

The way Serena's touching her almost makes Blair's knees go weak, and she knows the blonde's hand is under her back to catch her if that happens.

But Blair refuses to need Serena, so her knees stay strong.

She also refuses to moan, and Serena know this, feels her tense under her grip, knows she's holding it all in.

"Moan," Serena commands her sharply, grabbing the smaller girl by her shoulder with a tight grip. "_Right_ now." Blair feels Serena's breath cool against her throat, and she really _really_ wants to moan and gasp and do all the things normal people would do if Serena van der Woodsen was doing this to them.

But Blair's not normal, so therefore nothing's coming out of her mouth.

Serena laughs, low and gruff, and Blair knows this is now some sort of challenge. She bites her lip, and when she tastes blood, she keeps on biting.

Serena grips Blair's hair near her scalp and tugs down hard, and Blair can't help but to emit the smallest of gasps, which they both know means Serena wins.

She lets Blair go, stepping back from her, and Blair pulls her back so quickly she almost gets whiplash.

"I thought you hated me," murmured Serena as their lips press together, softer than before but still with just the right amount of edge.

"I do, and I always have," Blair answered honestly, her hands skimming Serena's sides and then gripping her by the waist, tight but not _too_ tight, because _that_ stage of this bathroom get-together is over.

"But you love me," Serena says after a minute, her lips still against Blair's when she says it.

"Maybe," allows Blair, stepping back. "And maybe if you're good enough, one day I'll officially admit it."

"It's enough to me that you said maybe," Serena says, the corners of her blue eyes crinkling as she smiles.

Blair looks at her, and she really hates this. That they have to be in love. Serena's absolutely heartbreaking. She considers taking off one of her stilettos and stabbing herself in the fucking eye with it, but then she wouldn't be able to see Serena.

And that's when Blair knows she's officially too deep in this shit.

"It had better be good enough." Blair looks at herself in the mirror, absently fixing her hair and making her sure she doesn't look like she almost had a quickie in the bathroom. "We'd better get back to my mom's party. She'll be so _devastated_ if she sees I'm not there."

"Since when do you want to be at one of Eleanor's parties?" Serena asks, standing beside her but not touching, because it's sort of too soon and she doesn't want Blair to get mad.

"Since forever," Blair lies, rolling her eyes. She turns and stares at Serena. "And just so you know, van der Woodsen, I don't hand out my love. You're going to have to work for it."

Serena smirks. "I'll make sure I _earn _every inch of your love, B."

Her voice is sardonic, and Blair raises her chin, glaring. She realizes slightly that she's almost trying to scare Serena away, and this confuses her because Serena's all she's ever wanted. " And if you're looking for someone to follow you around and positively adore you, I suggest you run your little ass back to Dan. You won't get that here."

Serena stepped closer, running her hands lightly up Blair's arms until they came to a stop on her shoulders. "I'm not looking for that here."

Blair stares at her, almost mesmerized by Serena's eyes, like she has been so many times before. She blinks quickly, looking away for a second before she looks back. "Good."

She turns, stalking out the bathroom door, and Serena sighs and follows her. As if she had a choice.


	2. Chapter 2

Serena really wishes she didn't have to stare at Nate and Blair touch each other all afternoon. She really wishes she didn't have to hear Blair's giggle, because she's almost killing herself with wishing she were the one causing it.

And Serena really _really_ wishes she didn't know that when Nate's hand slides under the table, it's brushing Blair's knee and probably something else a little higher up. She seriously considers excusing herself and going to "pull a Blair" in the bathroom, because it's making her sick to her stomach and she wants to throw up the image of Nate and Blair together.

She realizes she's being melodramatic. Her and Blair aren't even together, haven't discussed if they have a relationship, much less what it is and what it _means_. Serena's not Blair's girlfriend. She doesn't have the right to get angry over this. But God, does Nate really have to touch her like _that_?

Serena sighs loudly, and she thinks that Blair must have heard it from all the way across the table, because suddenly she feels something on her face, something like a heavy tingle, and she knows that Blair staring at her. She glances up slightly, a curtain of silky blonde hair hiding her gaze, and sees Blair's expression, slightly confused and concerned, but also annoyed. She shakes her hair out of her face and her eyes meet Blair's for a moment, and when the brunette raises an eyebrow, Serena blushes and looks away. She's so beautiful. And Nate gets to have her, while Serena sits over here pouting into her dinner and wondering what she and Blair _are_.

"What's wrong?" The voice is extremely close to her ear, and Serena jumps. She hadn't seen Bair get up, but suddenly here she is, whispering into Serena's ear and grabbing her arm.

"Nothing wrong," says Serena in her innocent voice. She knows Blair would love it if she found out of her agony, and she refuses to give the girl the satisfaction.

"Please," snorts Blair in a very unladylike gesture. "You look like someone just killed your dog."

"I hate dogs," Serena says absently.

"Metaphorically, S." Blair is not in the mood to play these little games, and if something's wrong with Serena that she can fix, it needs to be said, _now_.

"Blair, darling, sit down," commands her mother loudly from the head of the table. "We're about to start the toast."

"Hold on, Mother," says Blair coldly. He mom is so freaking annoying and she can't even have a conversation with Serena for one second without the old broad interrupting.

"Bathroom?" asks Blair, biting her lip. She needs to find out if the pain in Serena's eyes is because of her (which might be acceptable), or if it's because of someone else (in which case Blair might have to use her heels for something other than walking). "We know what happened in the bathroom last time," Serena says softly. She really wants to go, because in that privacy there's a comfort and intimacy between them that's not present normally. Plus, another make out session might ensue, and Serena's all for that. But she knows that they'll just come right back out, Blair will sidle up to Nate, and Serena will get sick to her stomach all over again.

"Serena, what the _fuck_ is wrong with you?" hisses Blair, stepping closer to Serena. Serena stares up at her blankly. "You're really starting to piss me off."

Serena stares a moment longer and then shrugs, turning to her plate. "Sorry."

Blair glares at her for one short second, and then she smirks. She stands there silently until Serena glances back up at her.

"What are you smiling at?" Serena is basically forced to ask, her eyebrows rising.

"It's because of Nate," Blair responds, smiling triumphantly.

Serena looks away. "No it's not."

"Please, S, do you think I'm stupid? How insulting. When something's wrong with you, I'll always figure it out. So tell me." Blair steps even closer, and Serena has to look straight up to stare at her. "Why are you _jealous_?"

"God, B, I'm not. Can you sit down? Everyone's waiting on you and people are starting to stare."

"Let them stare," says Blair, waving a hand. "I'm all yours right now. Which is exactly what you want, right?"

Serena sighs, running her fingers through her hair. "Leave me alone."

"No, I won't. You want me to touch you like I touch him." Blair's voice is low, and Serena crosses her legs, uncomfortable. She can't be getting hot at a time like this.

"I _said_ leave me alone," Serena says sharply, her nails digging into her palms. Blair laughed, the sound soft and hoarse, and causing Serena to cross her legs tighter. "You want me to touch you, to slide my hands all over your body. To kiss you, to take my tongue and _run_ it-"

"That's enough," Serena whispers quickly. "Not at the table, alright Blair?"

"It doesn't matter where, S, it's got to come out sometime. You want it, and you hate seeing me do it to Nate. Admit it."

Serena seethed and she looked away, staring at her plate. When it was clear Blair wasn't going to go away, she looked back up. "Okay. It kills me. Seeing you with him. The way you touch. It absolutely fucking _kills_ me, and I don't think I can handle it anymore. There, are you happy? Are you excited that you broke me down? Congratulations."

"Serena," says Blair, her tone reprimanding. "Why would I be excited I'm making you unhappy? Pleased a touch, yes. But not _excited_."

"Blair, what are we?" Serena can't stop herself, from asking, her eyes confused.

Blair sighs, and now it's her turn to be unhappy. "I don't know. I don't think I ever will know."

"I want to know," says Serena earnestly. "I _need_ to. Are we…together? Are we anything?"

Her face is so confused and innocent, and it almost breaks Blair's heart. Why does she have to love her?

"We're something," she promises Serena softly, touching her arm hesitantly. "I swear. We're _something_. And…I think we should be content with being something while we figure out what else we are." It doesn't really make sense, but Blair knows Serena gets it.

Serena nods and stares at her plate. "Okay."

"So we're good?" Blair asks, stepping away slightly. "You're alright? My mom's practically murdering me with her eyes right now," she mutters.

"Yeah. We're good." Serena smiles slightly, and it's small and hesitant, but Blair knows that the blonde will be alright.

"Great," Blair sighs, relieved. She smiles, and then leans down towards Serena, not stopping until her lips brush Serena's ear. She exhales slowly, and her cool breath makes Serena shiver. Her laugh is hoarse and slow. "And, for the record? Whatever I'm doing to Nate, I'm pretending it's you."

Serena watches Blair walk away. Watches her _saunter_ away, really.

She crosses her legs tighter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry guys, short update for right now. I'm working on the next chapter. I'm trying to see where I want this story to go, if anywhere. Anyway, thanks for all your support, and reviews are always loved! Enjoy:)**

**Disclaimer: I guess I should add by now that I don't own Gossip Girl, nor the perfection that is S&B.**

Blair knew Serena was watching her. She knew the blonde's eyes were on her while she talked to Nate, while she touched him. Even when she ate her dinner. So she made sure to wrap her mouth around each spoonful alluringly, sliding the utensil out of her mouth languidly. Serena should see how nice her mouth worked. When she tangled her fingers in Nate's hair, leaning to whisper in his ear, Serena was watching. Every time. Blair bit Nate's ear gently as she told him something particularly hot this time, and then leaned back, smirking just enough so that Serena would know that Blair felt her watching. Blair loves games. She picked up her phone from where it sat next to her plate, glancing up swiftly at her mother while she slid it open. God forbid her mom caught her texting at the table. "I feel you staring." she text Serena, looking up immediately to watch for Serena to get it. Their eyes locked and Blair smirked, causing Serena to raise an eyebrow. She heard her phone vibrate and picked it up, her heart racing for an unexplainable reason when the display read "Blair". She blushed when she read it, refusing to meet Blair's gaze. "Good." she text back. Blair's reply was quick, almost instantaneous. "God I want you. I wanna fucking tear you up." Serena inhaled sharply, realizing somewhere in the back of her mind that Blair's statement hadn't exactly been the nicest thing she'd ever heard. It _was_ the hottest.

Serena swallowed, forcing down the anxiety that only Blair could make her feel. Sex wasn't a big deal, right? It was _Blair_. They'd seen each other naked countless times. Had touched each other in those clumsy moments when nobody was really sure if they were accidents. Had drunkenly kissed so many times, they had both started wondering if the excuse to kiss was the only reason they had gotten drunk anymore. But it was never like this.

Serena set down her phone, not wanting to interact with Blair right now. Was it obvious to everyone when you were horny as hell? Blair smiled at the blush that spread over Serena's cheeks, and she smiled wider when Serena set her phone down and refused to meet her gaze. Serena turned toward Vanessa who was sitting on her right. "Do you like the party?" she asked, smiling warmly. She put a hand on Vanessa's arm lightly. "Yeah, it's not really my thing, you know?" replied Vanessa shrugging and picking up a fork. She glanced over at Dan who was sitting on her other side. "But Dan wanted to come, for some strange, weird reason. So here we are." Serena watched Vanessa glance at Dan again, and the loving way in which she looked at him almost made Serena angry. Would someone ever look at her like that?

She ignored the "poor me" feelings and forced a smile, nodding as if she really cared about what Vanessa was saying.

When really, she had figured out an obviously easy way to show Blair that she wasn't the only one who could play games. Serena's hand traveled upwards and gripped Vanessa's shoulder, not too tight, but tight enough that the raven haired beauty glanced down at it. Serena felt Blair watching. "You look really pretty tonight," she told Vanessa, staring at her. She took her other hand and brought it to Vanessa's neck, fingering the delicate silver necklace there. "And I really like your necklace." "Thanks," replied Vanessa, but her voice rose at the end and made the word sound like a question. She let out a quick, startled breath. She was hopelessly confused, and Serena laughed. It was really just the cutest little thing. Serena heard Blair slam her glass down against the table. She smoothed the necklace over Vanessa's collarbone, her fingers lingering there."You're welcome."


	4. Chapter 4

**Reviews are encouraged!:D**

"Bye, thanks for coming. Bye, thanks for coming," repeated Blair over and over, until the saying was basically engraved in her brain. She stood rigidly next to her mother as they ushered everybody out, trying desperately to not seek out Serena. She didn't need a replay of what had happened between her and Vanessa.

It really made her sick. Using _Vanessa_? To make _Blair Waldorf_ jealous? Like what the _fuck_?

And it had _worked_.

Serena was one of the last ones out, and when she glided past, Blair impulsively grabbed her by the arm.

"Serena will be staying the night," she announced, leaving no room for debate. Her mother glanced at her, but it was only a second until she forgot her daughter and busied herself with the remaining party guests on their way out. Blair took that as a yes, even though she didn't need one.

"I will?" asked Serena, taking a step away and raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, you will," said Blair, glaring. She allowed Serena approximately five seconds to say goodbye to her mother before she gripped her by the arm and dragged her upstairs to her bedroom.

"Ow, B, you don't have to be so forceful," complained Serena as she struggled to keep up, her long legs stumbling. When they got to Blair's room, she ripped her arm from Blair's grasp, rubbing her wrist where Blair's death grip had been.

"What the hell, Serena?" asked Blair, fuming. She began pacing, and Serena sat down on the bed, watching her.

"What the hell what…?" Serena ventured, crossing her tan legs and resting her elbow on her knee. She plopped her chin in her hand and stared.

"_Vanessa_? Really, S? That's low, even for you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," murmured Serena. "Vanessa and I are friends. Something wrong with that?"

"No. But the fact that you tried to use her to make me jealous? Yeah, there _is_ something wrong with that."

"Please, Blair," scoffed Serena, uncrossing her legs and lying down on the bed. She ran her slender fingers through her long hair leisurely. "We were just talking. Don't flatter yourself."

"And at what point in time did you forget that I'm _not stupid _Serena?" hissed Bair, so annoyed that she forgot to pace.

"I don't know, maybe the first time I met you," Serena answered, her tone bitingly sarcastic. Blair glanced at her sharply.

"It was immature of you, S. I thought we…"

Serena didn't let her finish the sentence. "And you using Nate to make me jealous was mature?" she asked, her voice rising. "C'mon, Blair, give it up. It was a game, and I played it. We tied. And you only like it when _you_ win."

"Nate's my _boyfriend_!" Blair replied, her voice rising as well.

"And I'm your _girlfriend_!" yelled Serena, sitting up quickly, her back rigid. She took a deep breath when she realized what she'd just blurted and stood up swiftly.

"S," started Blair.

"No. No, it's fine. I didn't mean that." She headed towards the door, but stopped when the brunette stepped in front of her and blocked her way. She stepped to the left and Blair stepped with her.

"You really think you can stop me from leaving?" laughed Serena incredulously.

"If you don't want to leave in your heart, then yeah, I think I can," replied Blair solemnly. "Can we just like…sit down and talk?"

"About what? Everything's perfectly clear," said Serena, and Blair winced when she heard that the sarcastic tone was back. "We're _something_, but we're not. But we're definitely something. And you can flirt with Nate. And sleep with him, and do whatever the hell you want. I can't touch other girls. Even straight ones. And I assume the no-touching rule applies to boys too, of course. So basically I can't touch people. In any way. Even as friends. Or flirt with them. Casually. I probably can't even look at them, can I, Blair?"

"You're rambling," Blair said. She took Serena's arm, gently this time, and led her to the bed.

"I just decided that I don't wanna sit on that bed anymore," said Serena, stepping away. "Who knows how many times you and Nate have fucked on it."

"That's ridiculous," Blair said.

"Life is ridiculous," replied Serena. "Can I go home now?"

"You're spending the night. Did you forget that detail?"

"Did you forget that I don't _want_ to spend the night here?"

Blair stepped closer, looking up at the tall blonde with pursed lips. "Come on, S. Relax." She put her hands on Serena's shoulders, slowly working her fingers into them. "You're obnoxiously tense. Just sit down, right here, and let me do something about it."

Serena reluctantly sank into the bed, crossing her arms while Blair massaged her shoulders.

"Serena, don't get me wrong," said Blair softly. "I _want_ you to be my girlfriend. I wanna be _your_ girlfriend. I just… it's complicated."

"How is it _complicated_?" asked Serena, twisting in Blair's arms so she could face her.

"Because… because I'm _not_… a lesbian. I'm not _gay_."

"Blair…" said Serena, her brow wrinkling. She hesitated. "When you… when you like a girl, and _you're_ a girl… it kinda…"

"Serena, please, I know what it is. I just… I don't like girls."

"That's flattering," said Serena.

"No, I mean…I mean other girls. Besides you. You're the only one, and you always have been. I'm not a lesbian. I'm like… a Seren-ian."

Serena stared at Blair. "That was the dumbest thing that has ever come out of your mouth."

Blair looked down, embarrassed. "I know."

Suddenly, Serena laughed. A loud, obnoxious laugh, one that caused Blair to join, and they both laughed until they were in tears.

"This is a serious matter," complained Blair, wiping underneath her eyes carefully.

"I'm aware," Serena replied, holding back more laughter.

Blair put her arms around Serena hesitantly, testing the water. "I'm really sorry, Serena," she sighed. "I overreacted with the whole Vanessa thing. You're right; I _do_ like to win my games."

"I don't want this to be a game, B," said Serena softly, shaking her head.

"It won't be. That's not what I meant."

"I don't like you with Nate."

"I have to have a _cover_, Serena," said Blair sharply.

"I don't have a cover."

Blair sighed and rolled her eyes. "You're Serena van der Woodsen. It won't take long."

"I don't _want_ a cover," Serena protested. "I want everyone to know."

"Just for right now, okay, baby?" asked Blair, grasping Serena's hand. "I _promise_, just… just let me _adjust_."

"To _what_?" asked Serena, and Blair could tell she was annoyed.

Blair leaned closer and brushed her lips against Serena collarbone. "To liking the most awesome, gorgeous and amazing girl in the world. It's tough for me, all right?"

Serena tried to smile at the lame attempt at humor, but all she could manage was a drawing up of her lips that looked more like a grimace.

"Don't be sad," Blair instructed, biting down on the skin of Serena's neck until she let out a gasp. "It's gonna be fine."

"Could you not bite so hard?" requested Serena, and Blair bit down harder.

"Make me," she murmured, running her tongue soothingly over the bite marks. "You know I don't play easy."

"Down girl," said Serena quietly, smirking, as Blair nipped her way up the blonde's neck.

"Mmm. And approximately where would you like me down _at_?"

Serena swatted Blair on her shoulder, and Blair laughed, her voice hoarse. She moved to kiss Serena on the mouth, but the bigger girl held her away by her shoulders.

"Isn't there something you wanna ask me first?" Serena said meaningfully. "Something people usually ask before they kiss and touch like this? Unless they're whores, of course?"

Blair sighed, already knowing what the blonde was thinking. "Will you, Serena van der Woodsen, go _steady_ with me?" she asked, overdramatically.

Serena laughed. "A little old fashioned, B."

Blair shrugged. "It got the job done." She wrinkled her nose when Serena tapped it gently.

"I didn't say yes."

Blair caught Serena's lips in a searing kiss, and her mind was wiped blank for about eight whole seconds.

"So what's your answer now?" asked Blair, her lips traveling down the column of Serena's throat.

Serena's kiss was the answer.


	5. Chapter 5

"You should get that dress," Serena told Blair, staring at the brunette in the dressing room mirror.

"Are you kidding me, Serena?" snapped Blair, rolling her eyes. "It makes me look like a fat cow. It's going back on the rack."

"No, B, get it," Serena insisted, getting up and going to stand next to Blair. She placed a hand on the small of Blair's back lightly, her slender fingers grazing the soft material. "It's amazing."

"Are you lying to me?" Blair questioned, turning slightly and looking at her butt in the mirror.

Serena sighed internally, wishing her best friend knew how gorgeous she really was. "No, I'm not lying. I do think I'm kinda biased, though."

Blair turned to face her, and Serena stepped closer. "Why?"

Serena touched Blair's arm. "Because I think you're the most beautiful person I know, and you look amazing in anything. So the dress isn't getting a lot of my attention, actually."

Blair stared at her. "You're such a sap."

Serena nodded. "For you."

Blair rolled her eyes again. "Will you go see what other dresses they have in my size? You know my taste."

"I'm not your servant, Blair," replied Serena, leaning back against the wall.

"_S_," Blair said, and Serena was gone.

Blair's phone rang, and she bent down to get it, still staring at herself in the mirror. "Hello?"

"Hey baby."

Blair cringed. There was only one person she wanted calling her that. "Nate. Nice to hear from you."

Lie.

"Are we still on for dinner tonight or what? You were supposed to call me."

"What time is it?" asked Blair. She had forgotten all about dinner, and now felt unorganized. Therefore, she began to panic, because Blair Waldorf always had to be organized.

"Six. Dinner is supposed to be at six-thirty. Remember?"

_Fuck_. "Yeah, sorry, I lost track of time. I'm not ready like, at all."

"What's up?"

"Shopping with Serena. Look, maybe another time?"

"I really want to see you," replied Nate, and Blair looked up at the ceiling in anger. Couldn't Nate go be a normal stoner and kill brain cells for the night?

"I'm not ready to go out to dinner," she replied flatly. "And I won't be for at least an hour and a half."

"Just come over here. We can chill."

"_Chill_?" What the fuck did that mean?

"Yeah, you know hang out. Play some video games or something. Watch TV."

Who the hell did that anymore? "Um."

"Please, Blair, c'mon. I miss you. It'll be fun. We'd have the house to ourselves."

As revolting as the thought of her and Nate having sex was now, Blair found herself agreeing, really only because she wanted to stop talking to him.

"They had this in silver but I only got the-" started Serena loudly as she walked in, stopping when she saw that Blair was on the phone. She shrugged when the girl gave her an annoyed look.

"Yeah. Give me an hour," Blair was saying. "Okay. Bye. Love you too. Bye."

Serena raised an eyebrow. "Nate?"

"Unfortunately. I completely forgot that we had dinner plans tonight, and I wasn't ready for them. So he said he wanted to just 'chill' at his place."

"Oh," said Serena softly. She stared at the dress hanging on her arm. "I only brought you one. I thought it looked really good. They had silver too but I picked red, I thought it would look nice on your skin tone..." She glanced up at Blair hesitantly.

"It looks nice," she replied, not even looking at the dress. She sensed something other than hesitation behind Serena's gaze. "What's the matter?"

"What? Nothing," Serena answered.

"You're upset about this?" asked Blair, incredulous.

"I'm not upset about anything," protested Serena. "Are you gonna try on the dress?"

"No," Blair answered simply. She stepped closer to Serena, who was standing against the wall. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah," answered Serena, averting Blair's eyes.

"So you're upset with the Nate thing because…?" prompted Blair, taking Serena's chin in her hand and forcing their eyes to meet.

Serena leaned down and kissed her, hard. And the distraction technique might've worked, if she hadn't been kissing Blair Waldorf.

"Why are you upset?" Blair asked as Serena's skillful lips moved down her jaw line. "And this isn't gonna work on me, you know."

Serena didn't answer and her lips brushed back up towards Blair's ear. She bit down on the brunette's earlobe and tugged until Blair gasped softly.

"Stop it," Blair commanded, taking Serena by the shoulders and pushing her away. "We need to talk about it."

"_It's_ nothing," said Serena, sighing and looking away. "I just thought you were done with Nate, is all. But I forgot you need a cover."

"I _am_ done with Nate. I'm going to hang out with him. Don't get all territorial on me, Serena."

"You're done with him, but you were going to go on a date with him? I thought you were gonna break it off with him after we…you know."

"Decided to go out? That was like only two days ago. Give me a chance."

"You're not gonna dump him," Serena replied. "We both know it. You need something to constantly remind you that you're not gay."

"That's not true."

"It _is_ true," Serena replied, aggravated. She sighed. "I'm done talking about this."

"I'm not," Blair said.

"Don't you have to go get ready? For your date?" asked Serena, her tone bitter.

"Maybe I'm not going to go," Blair said.

"Why wouldn't you? You're his girlfriend."

Blair took Serena's hand in hers lightly. "I'm your girlfriend."

Serena looked away.

"I don't get why you're so upset about this," Blair said loudly.

"If I was still dating Dan, you mean to tell me you'd be fine with me staying with him even though me and you are dating?"

Blair swallowed. "Sure."

"Maybe I'll go ask him back out, then," said Serena, a challenge in her eyes.

"He's dating Vanessa."

"That won't last long."

Blair was silent for a minute. She looked at her feet. "Don't do that."

Serena held back a smirk. "Do what?"

"Go out with Dan," Blair mumbled.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to," answered Blair.

"I don't want you with Nate."

"I'll break up with him," said Blair sharply. "Tonight. Okay?"

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Serena smiled softly. "That's all I ask."

"Why are you so protective?" asked Blair, sort of annoyed, but not.

"I can't help it."

Blair stared at Serena. The jealousy that was just now fading from her eyes was...

Kinda hot.

Serena leaned down and kissed Blair, and it was a grateful kiss, long and deep. "I love you," she whispered, breathless.

"I'm going to have to go meet Nate soon," said Blair, holding in a moan as Serena nipped lovingly at her neck.

"You have a couple of minutes," said Serena, trailing a finger down Blair's arm and laughing hoarsely when she felt the goose bumps. Her hand slid down Blair's sides and across her stomach, coming to a rest on Blair's thigh.

Blair bit her lip when Serena's fingers flitted across the insides of her thighs. She gasped softly when Serena's hands slid under the hem of the dress that Blair had never taken off.

And Blair almost lost it when Serena's fingers pressed _there_.

Serena laughed, because it certainly was not dry.

"No," murmured Blair, when Serena pressed harder.

"Why?" asked Serena, not paying any attention to the warning. She kissed Blair's collarbone, her fingertips tracing circles on the inside of Blair's thigh.

"I can think of plenty reasons," Blair replied, trying to talk a lot and keep her mind off what Serena was doing. "I have to meet Nate in about 45 minutes. We're in a dressing room. In a public place. And I'm wearing a dress I don't own."

"Already have a solution for one of those predicaments," murmured Serena, tugging down one of the dress's straps so it slipped off Blair's shoulder.

"And what's that?" asked Blair lowly, her head falling back as Serena kissed her throat.

Serena lips brushed against Blair's ear, and she laughed quietly. "The dress won't be staying on."

"Serena," warned Blair. "Serena. _Serena_."

"Mmm," Serena sighed, smiling. "I love it when you say my name like you don't want this."

Blair closed her legs when Serena's hand traveled in between them again.

Serena grinned and took Blair by the shoulders, flipping them so Blair was the one against the wall. She trailed her fingers up the brunette's stomach until she got to her chest.

"I have to go," protested Blair. "I really _really_-" she stopped abruptly when Serena squeezed _there_, an involuntary moan dropping from her mouth.

"You said you'd break up with Nate for me," said Serena slowly, her hands skimming Blair's sides, her fingers running all over Blair's body. "I just wanna thank you."

Blair felt herself unwillingly lean into Serena's touch as the blonde stroked her cheek. God, she wanted this. She always had, really. But in a dressing room?

No.

Blair took Serena's shoulders and pushed her to the small couch on the other side of the room, shoving her down on it roughly. She leaned over Serena and captured her lips in a smoldering kiss, one that was fast and hard and desperate.

"I want it," she admitted, her lips still pressed slightly against Serena's. "I want you. All of you."

Serena tried to move her arms but Blair held them down, restraining.

"You're a whore," said Serena.

"What kind?" asked Blair sharply, pushing down on Serena's arms.

"A naughty one."

"Damn straight." Blair stared at Serena. "I'm not doing you right now. Not here. It's our first time. It has to be special."

"No matter where it is, it'll be special," said Serena, looking up at her.

"I have to go." Blair pressed her lips to Serena's. She licked Serena's lips and Serena opened her mouth, inviting Blair in. They kissed until they were both gasping for breath, and Blair pulled away after one last peck.

"Unzip me," she said, offering her back to Serena. Serena stood up and pulled down the zipper, her fingers resting on Blair's back for a second too long. Blair threw on the dress she had come in quickly, whipping around and slamming Serena against the wall for the unapproved touch.

"My house. Tonight," ordered Blair. She leaned down and grabbed her purse from the couch. "Be there before I get home."

"When will you be home?" asked Serena, smirking at the dangerous tone in Blair's voice.

"I'm not sure. Just make sure you're there."

"How am I supposed to be there in time if you don't give me at least a possible range?" complained Serena.

Blair smiled. "Well that's up to you to figure out, isn't it."

She turned, her brown hair flying, and she was gone. Serena rolled her eyes and grabbed her own purse, exiting as well. She ran her fingers through her hair.

Blair always got to her in the end.


	6. Chapter 6

"So which COD do you wanna play?" Nate asked Blair. It was the first thing he did when they saw each other, the second being a slight brush of his lips against hers.

"Uh, what?" asked Blair, following Nate inside his house. They went to his family room, and Blair was greeted by a huge stack of video games just waiting to be played.

Great.

Her phone rang and she reached into her bag to retrieve it, her eyes narrowing when she saw it was a text from Serena. Nate rambled on and on about some shooting thing while she read it.

"I hope you have fun at Nate's. I'm gonna go over to your place in about an hour. I'm getting ready for it. I think I'll have some fun alone time in your bed."

Blair rolled her eyes. Serena had better not mess her shit up.

"So which do you wanna play?" She was brought back down to earth by Nate's lazy drawl.

"What?" she asked, hopelessly confused. She snapped her phone shut and threw it in her bag. She didn't want to give Serena the satisfaction of a text back.

"Do you want to play the Modern Warfare one or not?"

"I want to play that zombie one," said Blair, randomly pointing at a game that Nate was holding up. "It looks fun."

Nate got up to put the game in. "Okay. Modern Warfare 2 is much better in my opinion, but if zombies are your thing."

Blair stared at him. "Totally."

"I totally just killed you!" Nate yelled, holding up his PS3 controller in victory. "For like the 100th time!"

Blair sighed. She was getting very, _very_ pissed. Her phone rang again with another text message, and if it was Serena, she might get even more pissed.

"I'm at your house. Your mom just gave me a reeeeaaaaally funny look. I guess my attire isn't appropriate for normal day wear. Oops."

Blair was about to throw her phone at the wall. Serena had better be freaking kidding.

"Do you have like a Wii, or whatever?" asked Blair, aggravated. "Can we play like, Wii Sports? I'm really good at that tennis one."

"You mean you don't like this game?" asked Nate, looking extremely confused.

"Not as much as tennis!" she replied, holding back a glare. How stupid was this guy, anyway?

Her phone rang again.

"Who's blowing up your phone?" Nate asked from where he was setting up the Wii game.

"Serena," replied Blair, irritated. She checked her phone and saw that Serena was actually calling her this time. "Hello?"

"You sound pissed." The voice was smug and annoyingly chipper, and Blair gritted her teeth.

"Could you leave me alone and not bother me for once in your life?" she snapped.

"You seem tense," replied Serena, and Blair could practically see the smirk on her face. "Wish you were here so I could fix that little problem."

"Leave me _alone_, Serena," said Blair, firmer this time.

"I just wanted to ask you, have you done it yet? You know, broke up with him?"

"No, I haven't."

"Well what the hell are you doing, then?"

Blair tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "Playing video games."

Serena laughed, and Blair huffed. "_You're_ playing video games?" she asked, laughing again.

"Yes. Now can I hang up?" Blair questioned impatiently.

"I'm touching myself," said Serena abruptly, and Blair froze.

"What?" she asked, partly because she just wanted to hear Serena say it again.

"I'm touching myself," Serena said slowly. "And I really wish you were here to help me."

Blair felt a tingle in her lower stomach. "Where?" she asked her voice low.

"Where am I touching myself at?" replied Serena, laughing. "That's a stupid question."

"No. No, I mean, where are you at?"

"In your bed," Serena replied casually.

"God, S, can't you at least do it in the bathroom? Or better yet, not at all?"

"Please. You're getting hot just thinking about me doing it, and it's turning you on even more picturing me in your bed," said Serena.

"Serena..."

"I really wish you were here, B," Serena said softly. "I want you to see."

Oh, _God_. Blair wouldn't be able to keep it together much longer.

"I'll be there. Soon. Just give me some time."

"_Fuck_," Serena whispered, and Blair heard a sigh.

"I'm not listening to you do this," she stated.

"I want you," Serena rasped out, and Blair felt a tingle again, but further down this time.

"Serena."

"I'm about to-"

"_Don't_," ordered Blair suddenly.

There was a moment of silence on the other end. "What?"

"I said don't. You're not allowed."

"You...you're telling me I'm not allowed to-"

"No," ordered Blair. "Don't even think about it."

"B..."

"You heard what I said, S. Don't take it that far. If I come home and find out that you did, there'll be consequences, alright?"

"And how will you know if I did or not?" asked Serena, always feeling the need to rebel.

"You're not the best liar," replied Blair. Serena would never be able to lie to her face and get away with it. "And I don't think this would be the best time to experiment with your lying skills."

"But what if-"

"Don't _test_ me, Serena," Blair said sharply. She glanced up at Nate, who was staring at her with a slightly annoyed expression. "I gotta go. Oh, and before I forget?"

She paused and waited, and it wasn't until Serena's "What?" that she continued.

"Don't get any of your _shit_ on my _bed_," she snapped, flipping her phone shut and throwing it in her purse.

"What was that about?" Nate asked, handing Blair a controller.

"She was trying to paint her nails on my bed," replied Blair.

"That sounded pretty serious for a talk about nail polish," Nate said, his voice suspicious. As it should be.

"Serena always likes to push the limit," Blair told Nate, rolling her eyes. "She requires a firm talk for the instructions to really sink in."

"Oh," Nate replied, slightly confused.

Blair sighed. "Look Nate, we need to talk."

Nate stared at the TV, his finger pressing the buttons on the Wii controller to set up the game. "Okay, so let's talk."

"I need you to look at me," Blair snapped impatiently. She was ready for this to be over with.

Nate looked at her, his brow wrinkling. "What's wrong?" he asked cautiously.

"I think we need to take a break," she blurted, getting it all out quickly in one breath.

Nate looked shocked for a minute. Blair sat and watched as confusion swirled over his face, and then, painfully slow, came awareness.

"Is it because of me?" he asked urgently. "What did I do, I'll fix it."

Blair didn't want to you use the played out "it isn't you, it's me," phrase, but really, she was the one who had fallen in love with someone else.

"No, Nate, you didn't do anything wrong..." started Blair, biting her lip. "It's just..."

How could she tell him she thought he was the most annoying stoner ever, and their sex was starting to feel like Sunday morning tea?

"I don't feel it anymore." At least that was the truth.

"Is there someone else?" asked Nate, his eyes narrowing slightly. He stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. "Is there another guy?"

Blair almost laughed out loud, but she kept it internal. "No, there's not another guy." That was the truth too. This was easier than she had thought.

"Blair," said Nate, and if Blair had still loved him, the look on his face would've broken her heart.

"Nate, just a break okay? A break. You'll be fine." She stared at him bitterly for a moment. "You didn't seem to care much about me when you slept with Serena, anyway."

Nate looked at the ceiling in frustration. "I thought we had forgotten about that, Blair. It was a long time ago."

"Oh, it's forgotten," replied Blair stiffly, because it wasn't really and never would be.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Nate asked. "Positive?"

"Yes."

Nate stared at her, shaking his head. "I thought it was going to be different this time, Blair. I thought we were gonna work. Of course you have to go and ruin it."

"Don't try to put this all on me," said Blair, staring at him evenly.

"You're breaking up with me for no evident reason," Nate replied, aggravated. "Who else is there to put it on?"

Blair didn't like his tone. "How about you, for being so fucking annoying."

"What are you talking about? You really are crazy."

Blair took a deep breath, because she really just wanted to get out of there and have Serena in her arms. "Just forget it," she said, standing. "We're done." She turned, barely able to stop herself from flat out running out of there. She was ready to be rid of that part of her life, and go home to see the only person she'd ever really cared about.


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, guys, I'm a little nervous. INTENSE scene coming up soon. Oh, boy. Anyway, I feel like I wrote this a little different from my others. Tried to make it longer. Also, I think I added more details to the writing than normal. Let me know if you can tell, or if it's all in my head! Lol, enjoy:)**

"Serena?" Blair called as soon as she walked into her penthouse, her heels clicking loudly against the floor as she moved. She turned and surveyed the area, feeling like it was eerily quiet. If her mom wasn't here that wouldn't be much of a surprise, but usually Dorota was around to bother her about something. "Mother? Dorota?"

Hands fell over Blair's eyes and suddenly she was being pulled backwards. The moving stopped abruptly, Blair's body crashing into something lithe and soft behind her. There was no doubt who it was, and Blair felt a thrill at touching Serena again.

"What are you doing?" she asked, struggling. A hand was removed from her left eye, as the other one slid over to take its place, keeping both of Blair's eyes covered. The hand slid down Blair's neck and clenched lightly at her throat.

"Guess who," Serena sang, kissing Blair's cheek. Blair felt Serena smile against her skin, and she smiled in return. How had she ever chosen Nate over this?

"Serena, get off me," she replied, the struggling returning. It was futile, she knew, because Serena was bigger and stronger, and always had been. They had wrestled around when they were younger (built up sexual tension, much?), and the blonde had _always_ won.

"I'd prefer not to," Serena replied cheerfully, feeling drunk just because Blair was here again. She pressed her body closer to the smaller one in front of her, craving the contact.

"Where's my mom?" asked Blair cautiously as the hand around her throat slid further down. It needed to be established that nobody was here before the touching happened.

"She was on her way out when I got here," answered Serena.

"And Dorota?" Blair questioned, her hand traveling upwards to squeeze the slender hand that was resting lightly on her breast.

"She left not that long ago. Ran to the store I think."

Blair smiled. "Are you going to let me go?" she asked, wanting to turn around and see Serena, to touch her and watch what happened when she did.

"Maybe," murmured Serena, waiting a second before she slid her hand off Blair's eyes and down her face, stroking her cheek with her thumb.

Blair glanced over her shoulder and saw that they were against a wall, their bodies pressed together tightly. She turned quickly, Serena's hands circling around her waist and not letting go as she changed position.

"I broke up with him," she told Serena, staring up at her. She reached down and grasped one of the blonde's hands, placing the other on Serena's waist. She wanted every part of them touching.

"How was it?" Serena asked, her eyes turning concerned. The last thing she wanted was Blair upset over this.

"It was okay," replied Bair, nodding. "I think he took it kind of hard. But…that just sucks for him. I don't love him anymore." She leaned up and pressed her lips against Serena's lightly. "I've found someone way better."

"And who's that?" teased Serena, her eyes crinkling as she smiled. She took Blair's chin in her hand, forcing their lips apart and turning Blair's head to the side. She kissed the girl's cheek, her lips finding their way down her neck, and then up again to her ear.

Blair was beginning to realize that every time Serena did something to her ear she almost went crazy. So when Serena bit the lobe and tugged, Blair gasped and shivered involuntarily.

"Maybe you can guess who it is," Blair whispered, digging her nails into Serena's palm as the blonde bit harder. Serena sighed at the pain, her lips moving to bite the porcelain-like skin of Blair's neck. Blair took Serena by the arms and pushed her up against the wall, not too hard, but hard enough to make Serena's stomach clench in want. "Why are you so rough with me?" she asked jokingly as Serena bit her neck harder. They both liked the pain, the passion of it, as long as it wasn't too harsh and it didn't completely exceed the point of pleasure.

"What did Nate say that made you think he didn't take it well?" asked Serena, forcing herself to remove her lips from Blair's skin. She wanted to make sure this was all out of the way before things got too hot and heavy.

"He just…he was confused. Didn't know why. He wanted to know if there was another guy."

Serena laughed. "And what did you tell him?"

"I told him no, of course," grinned Blair. "He said that he had thought this time it'd actually work. And that of course I had to ruin it."

"You didn't let that get to you, right?" asked Serena staring at her to make certain. "I mean, it's not your fault I'm so attractive and you fell in love with me."

Blair rolled her eyes, tapping Serena on the nose. "Of course I didn't let it get to me. I have no feelings for him anymore." She shook her head, her chocolate eyes bewildered. "It's like, after I made myself realize how I felt about you…I lost all appeal for him. Thinking about me having sex with him makes me want to barf."

Serena smiled. "I have that affect on people."

"Oh, shut up, S," replied Blair, grinning as well. "I told him he didn't care much about me when he slept with you, so he should be fine, anyway."

Serena stiffened slightly, uncomfortable. "I thought we weren't gonna talk about that or-"

"I was just telling you what I said," said Blair soothingly. "That's over, and I've forgotten about it."

Serena was truly Blair's best friend, and best friends could hardly ever pull off the lying thing and get away with it. "No, you haven't," she replied, shaking her head. "I haven't either. It was…I mean, I can't believe it happened. I can't believe I did that to you."

"Sex takes two people," said Blair, shrugging. "Usually."

"No, that doesn't matter. I really want you to know, I'm so sorry for that. I don't even know what I was thinking." She stared hard at Blair, her blue eyes pleading. "And if you still have a problem with it, I want you to tell me. I deserve way worse than what I went through for doing that to you."

"Serena. Don't worry about it," replied Blair, staring Serena in the eyes with certainty. "It's in the past. We've changed since then. I'm not saying I'll forget it, because I probably never will." Serena's eyes fell sadly at that, and Blair gripped her by the waist tightly. "But I do forgive you for it. So everything's fine, okay?"

Serena nodded. "Yeah I guess."

"Now, where were we?" asked Blair, smiling. She stepped back, holding Serena at arm's length to inspect her. "You're not wearing anything unusual," she said, although she did have to admit Serena looked fucking amazing in the flimsy yellow sundress she was wearing. "What were you talking about with my mother? When you text me?"

Serena laughed. "I was joking. I wanted to see if I could get you riled up. And from the way you spoke when I called you, I assume it worked."

"You know what they say about assuming, S," Blair said, stepping closer.

"Yeah," Serena replied, her nails digging into Blair's back and then dragging _down_. "Something about asses." Her hands gripped Blair's ass tightly, and Blair shoved them away.

"I was annoyed because of Nate, not you," she retorted, which was only half right. "And I almost forgot. About your call..."

"Yeah?" asked Serena, her eyes narrowing slightly as she stared down at Blair. She slipped her arms around Blair's waist, drawing her body in closer.

"Did you listen to what I told you?" she asked sharply, her eyes piercing Serena's.

Serena sighed, raising her chin and looking away. "Yes," she said, her tone a touch regretful.

"Are you sure you listened?" Blair said meaningfully. "You know not to lie, right?"

"Of course I wouldn't _lie_ to you, B," said Serena, her voice overly sarcastic.

"Say it," commanded Blair, her eyebrows rising.

Serena rolled her eyes. "Say what?"

Blair pursed her lips and started up at her. "Say you didn't orgasm."

"I didn't…I didn't orgasm."

"Good girl," said Blair, smiling.

Serena scoffed. "You're ridiculous," she said, her hand sliding down Blair's thigh and up again. She repeated the circuit three times again before her hand dipped underneath Blair's dress. "I can see you've been thinking of me," she retorted happily, flashing a bright smile at Blair. Blair clamped her legs closed, and Serena pulled her hand out.

"You always do that," she said, smirking. "You don't want my hand there or something?"

"Maybe I don't," answered Blair, raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Maybe it makes me uncomfortable."

"Then this relationship is going nowhere," Serena said, sneering.

Blair raised both eyebrows this time. "You're only in this for sex?"

Serena smiled, bending down to press a kiss to the hollow of Blair's throat. "Of course," she teased, her smile growing as Blair pretended to pout. She kissed Blair until the pout was gone.

Things got heavy again, fast and abruptly.

"Did you have fun in my bed?' gasped Blair, throwing her head back as Serena ravaged her neck.

"Yes," said Serena, her voice low and her breath warm against Blair's ear. "And if I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine you were there. I _wanted_ you there, badly."

Blair's fingers closed around the ends of Serena's long fair hair, and she tugged gently. "Tell me how badly you wanted me there."

"I wanted you there really, really bad," murmured Serena. Blair tugged harder, and Serena whimpered. "I could barely take it," she said, her breath beginning to come in short and inconsistent gasps. "I… I wanted you to do it, to…"

"Tell me what you did," ordered Blair, just as much out of breath as Serena was. "Tell me exactly what you did."

Serena's knees almost went limp at the intensity of Blair's voice, and she struggled to not let herself slide down the wall. "I…first I… I rubbed..." God this was hard for her. She always been a slight exhibitionist when it came to sex, but it was different to _say_ these things, and it was different because this was _Blair_.

"You rubbed your _what_?" asked Blair, her voice low and rough with desire.

"My clit," Serena spit out when Blair bit her neck hard. Blair kept biting and Serena rushed to get the words out. "I rubbed by clit, and the whole time I was thinking of you. The whole time. After a while, I…I stuck my fingers inside, _deep_, and…and that's when I called you. And then you told me not to come, so I brought myself to the edge like four times, and then I had to stop because I couldn't take it anymore and I didn't want to disobey you." She finished with a gasp as Blair bit harder than ever, and she felt Blair's smile against her neck.

Blair's hands fluttered down Serena's body and pressed in between her legs, and even though it was through the dress, the blonde shivered and bucked wildly, seemingly without conscience.

"God, S, calm down," Blair said, which was funny because she was almost 100 percent sure that nobody could ever be as turned on she was right now. She pressed against Serena hard, her legs spreading apart slightly as Serena's knee came in between them. Her body moved with a mind of its own, her hips also bucking against Serena's thigh.

"Holy _shit_, B," whispered Serena, trying to still her hips. She took Blair by the arms and shoved her all the way to the staircase, taking charge. "Get the fuck upstairs." Blair listened, not minding when Serena pushed her up the stairs, her mind clouded by lust and want and need and _love_. It was a struggle to open Blair's bedroom door, because neither of them could keep their hands off each other. Serena managed to throw it open, and Blair walked backwards until the backs of her knees touched the bed, and she pulled Serena down with her. They fell on the bed together, softly, gracefully, and Blair forced herself to slow down, because this was new and real and _important, _and she absolutely didn't want anything to be rushed and hasty.

"Wait," she said, struggling to grasp Serena's hands in hers. "_Wait_."

"I'm sorry," blurted Serena. "We can stop. I didn't mean to-"

"No, nothing's wrong," said Blair. She looked at Serena with unwavering confidence. "I _want_ to do this. I just wanna make sure you do." She watched Serena carefully, having a hard time keeping her hands off Serena's unruly hair and lipstick smudged mouth.

"Of course I do," answered Serena. "How could you think I wouldn't?"

"I'm just making sure," replied Blair, grasping Serena's hands. "I want this…to be special."

"It is. It will be." Serena squeezed Blair's hand tightly. "Are you ready?"

Blair took a deep breath. "Yeah."

Serena smiled warmly. "Are you gonna take your dress off, or should I do that part?" She leaned and pressed her face into Blair shoulder. "You're my first woman ever, so I don't know how these things go."

"You first," Blair said, a sickening feeling swirling in her stomach that she hadn't felt in a long, long time.

Serena caught her eye, squeezing her shoulder comfortingly. "You okay?" she asked, her voice concerned.

"Yeah, I just…I haven't…" Blair shook her head, not able to spit out the words she was screaming in her head. She glanced around the room, which was still bathed in some left over light from outside. "Nate and I usually have sex in the dark, and I haven't had to…" She glanced down at her body quickly. "Ever since my-" She refused to say the word _illness_, because it sounded like she had a problem, as if she was different from everyone else.

"It's fine," said Serena, tucking a flyaway hair behind Blair's ear and stroking Blair's cheek with the pad of her thumb. "There's no reason to be insecure about it. You're…the most _beautiful_ person I know. And that's in your past. If you're not comfortable, then tell me. We don't have to do this. I don't wanna cause you pain."

Blair shook her head quickly. "No. No, it's just…you go first, okay?"

Serena nodded, kissing Blair's cheek. "Okay." She stood slowly, establishing eye contact with Blair and never breaking it. She took her dress of, throwing it on the floor, feeling slightly high as she watched Blair watch her. She reached behind her back to unclasp her bra, but Blair stood up swiftly, reaching out and covering Serena's hands with her own to stop her. "Let me do it." She reached around Serena, unclasping the bra and letting it fall to the floor, and then she grasped the sides of Serena's panties and used them to tug the blonde into her. She kissed Serena's ear tenderly, and Serena knew it was a thank you for being understanding, for just being there, and she received it with a smile. Blair slid the panties down Serena's long, slender legs, and then began to take off her dress as Serena turned to stare at her. Blair stared back with certainty, taking a deep breath and bringing the dress up and over her head fluidly. She dropped it on the ground, resisting the urge to wrap her arms around her stomach and hide it from the bright blue eyes watching her. She stood up and Serena stepped towards her, helping her take off her undergarments just as Bair had done for her.

Serena let her eyes rest on Blair's body for a moment, and when she looked up, the brunette's eyes were wary and uncertain.

"You're amazing," Serena breathed, her hands running softly down Blair's sides and across her stomach. Blair's face lit up with a smile, and Serena felt happiness tingling in her stomach at the dazzling grin she'd caused by saying the simple truth. She took Blair by the shoulders and pushed her gently back towards the bed. When they fell on it, Serena straddled Blair at first, but Blair quickly flipped them so she was straddling Serena's lean waist instead.

"I'm a top," she stated, making Serena laugh.

"I'll let you have your way for right now," murmured Serena, brushing her fingers up and down Blair's thighs.

Blair rolled her eyes and placed a palm against Serena's lower stomach, hesitating until she was sure they were maintaining constant eye contact. Her hand slid down, painfully slow, and Serena worked hard to keep her hips from surging upwards. Blair ran her fingers all around the area Serena _really_ needed her to touch, and the blonde shivered. Blair flicked Serena's clit lightly, laughing when Serena jumped.

"You're horny, aren't you, you little slut," she said with a low voice, and the dirty talk was so powerful that Serena moaned even though Blair wasn't touching her. Blair took Serena's clit between her thumb and her forefinger and rolled it between them lightly, so lightly that Serena could barely tell it was being touched. She glanced up at the Blair, and then down at where Blair's hand was touching, and just the visual of Blair doing that to her almost got her off.

Blair slid a finger in Serena slowly, ever so slowly, and she went deeper and deeper until Serena whimpered, "more."

"Don't be greedy," Blair commanded, but she took three fingers and slid them in, rougher this time, and harder. She fucked Serena with her fingers furiously, and Serena's back arched as she moaned.

"_Blair_," Serena groaned loudly, and Blair didn't know if her name had ever sounded more beautiful as it was coming out of someone's mouth. "_Shit_. Oh, my god. B." Blair put the hand she wasn't using on Serena's stomach, and Serena reached down and grasped her arm, digging her nails into it. Her hips rose as she fucked Blair's fingers back.

"Are you close?" asked Blair.

"Yes," breathed Serena.

Blair's finger stilled, and Serena whimpered. "Beg for it."

Serena thrashed around slightly, hating being denied the release she needed. "Please make me come. B, _please_."

Blair took Serena's arm and yanked her up, and they kissed each other frantically. Serena took Blair by the shoulders and shoved her down, roughly. "Your tongue. I want you to use your tongue to finish it."

Blair listened, flicking Serena's clit with her tongue before she began to fuck Serena with it.

"Fuck," said Serena loudly, all but yelling. She reached down and found Blair's available hand, squeezing it tightly. "I'm so close. _Blair_. It's coming. Oh, _goddamnit_."

"Come for me, S," said Blair, her tongue probing harder and faster. "Do it _now_."

Serena's back arched and her hips bucked as she moaned loudly. She gripped Blair's hand and used her other hand to grab Blair by the hair tightly. Only when she made sure that almost every part of her was touching Blair did she let herself go, and she screamed at the release she'd been waiting for all evening.

"B, oh my god." Blair's name dropped from her mouth loudly and constantly, and her hands flew all over Blair's head and arm, gripping tightly whatever she could find purchase. Blair sucked on her clit, drawing out the orgasm, and it was actually almost a whole minute before Serena came down of the wave of intensity she was riding.

Her hips surged upwards one more time and then she sat up, pulling Blair towards her by the roots of her hair. She flipped them over quickly, suddenly, and wasted no time entering Blair's warm and tight pussy with four of her fingers.

"God, S," whimpered Blair, her delicate hips twitching. Serena leaned and took one of Blair's nipples in her mouth, feeling delighted at the moans and sighs the action caused. She fucked Blair faster, trailing kisses down the soft skin underneath her, all the way to Blair's clit. She sucked there and Blair's back arched, her fingers finding Serena's shoulders and her nails digging in there. "Serena," she said repeatedly, and Serena decided her name coming out of Blair's mouth this way was the most amazing thing she'd ever heard. She reached up and gripped Blair's breast, kneading the soft mound roughly.

Blair's nails dug harder, and Serena knew they had probably broken skin, or at least would soon. She didn't mind.

Blair took longer than Serena had, and it was at least 15 minutes before she was ready. Serena felt Blair's muscles clench, felt her vagina tighten around her fingers as the girl prepared to come.

Blair wasn't as vocal as Serena when the time came, instead using soft sighs and deep scratches to get the feelings out. Serena placed her knee between Blair's legs, letting the brunette ride it while she came down from the orgasm.

"Shit," whispered Blair, staring at the ceiling in amazement, her eyes glassy and dazed. Serena surged upwards and pressed their lips together, rolling to the side so Blair was pressed back up against her.

She nuzzled into Blair's neck, inhaling a scent that was as familiar as her own. Her hands came to a rest on Blair's stomach, and Blair covered them with her own as Serena nipped at her neck adoringly.

"Was it good?" she asked uncertainly, holding Blair tighter.

"It was the best moment of my life," Blair said softly, turning to she could face Serena. They stared at each other, and both of their eyes were wide, wondering, because this was so new and flawless.

"Me too," whispered Serena. She stared at Blair and her breath caught at the beauty of what she held in her arms.

They laid there for a moment in silence, enjoying the perfection of this. Blair leaned forward and kissed the tip of Serena's nose, their eyelashes brushing as they looked at each other.

"Do you remember when we used to play house when we were little?" asked Blair, reaching for Serena's hand. She propped her head up on her other hand, staring down at Serena, admiring the way her hair fanned out across the pillow.

"Yeah," said Serena, smiling fondly. "I was always the dad and you were always the mom. Why was I always the dad?"

Blair grinned. "Because you're such a stud," she replied lovingly.

Serena laughed. "Why, thank you. I guess."

"How many kids did we want?" asked Blair, absentmindedly running her fingers through Serena's hair gently.

"Two," answered Serena immediately. "A boy and a girl. But a girl first."

Blair looked Serena in the eye steadily. "I still want that," she said, her voice a touch meaningful.

Serena raised an eyebrow. "Me too," she said softly. She smiled.

Blair smiled back. "I was just wondering if you remembered."

"Of course I remember," replied Serena. She took Blair by the back of her neck and leaned up to kiss her. "We had the perfect family."

"We had a little clubhouse and everything," said Blair. "I never wanted it to be dirty."

Serena laughed softly. "You were a perfectionist even at that age, B." She said it fondly, and they both smiled at the memory.

Blair put her head back down and looked at Serena. "I love you."

Serena smiled, pulling Blair on top of her. "Show me."

"Again?" asked Blair, laughing.

"Yeah." Serena replied, grinning. She kissed Blair softly, tenderly. "I love you too."

Blair smirked, sitting up and straddling her. "We'll see."

And it wasn't until the room was bathed in the soft glow of moonlight that they even considered stopping.


	8. Chapter 8

"Ms. Blair?"

Blair opened her eyes slowly in confusion as she heard the loud knocking on her door and the thick Russian accent coming through it.

"Ms. Blair!"

Blair's eyes widened and she got up quickly, scrambling for the nearest clothes. She threw on the dress she had been wearing yesterday, hoping Dorota wouldn't be able to notice that she was wearing no bra underneath it.

"Hold on," she called, glancing over at Serena, who was lying sprawled out on the bed, her tanned body completely bare and uncovered. Blair jumped on the bed quickly, shaking Serena until the blonde looked around groggily.

"Good morning," Serena said, her voice thick with sleep and confusion. Blair threw the covers over Serena hastily.

"Lay there and try not to look naked," she ordered, going to the door once Serena looked halfway decent, covered from the neck down in sheets.

"Your hair's a mess, B," Serena whispered as Blair began to open the door.

"What?" she snapped at Dorota, staring at her. "We're sleeping in here."

Dorota peeked carefully around Blair, her brown eyes widening when she spotted Serena. "Ms. Eleanor wanted me to tell you, don't forget lunch at one-thirty."

"Okay," said Blair impatiently. She began to tap her foot. "What time is it, anyway?"

"Almost eleven," Dorota answered. She turned to go, adding another "Don't forget" for good measure.

Blair shut the door quickly, immensely relieved that Dorota hadn't asked any questions. She ran her fingers through her hair, groaning when she felt the unruliness of it.

"What's the matter?" Serena asked. She sat up and tried to rub thesleep from her eyes. "

My hair," complained Blair, going to sit beside Serena on the bed. She glanced at the blonde, thinking about how beautiful Serena looked when she had just woken up, all vulnerable and unaware. Blair wanted to just pull her close and kiss her until the world ended.

Serena reached over and took her hand. "Who cares?" asked Serena, lazily trailing a finger up and down Blair's arm. "I think you look beautiful."

"It's your job to say that," Blair stated, leaning to kiss Serena. "I have to go meet my mom for lunch in like two and a half hours."

Serena smiled widely. "Lucky for you, I don't have plans today."

Blair rolled her eyes and sank back into the bed, curling into Serena. "It's me and my mother, _bonding_ time, you know." She said it with obvious distain, and Serena bit back a smile. She began to pout, and Blair glanced up at her with pursed lips.

"I don't wanna leave you yet," Serena said after a minute, and her voice was very, very soft.

"Serena," Blair started, but Serena hastily interrupted.

"No, it's fine. I didn't mean to be clinging or anything." She stared up at the ceiling, her chin up and neck slightly arched away from Blair.

Blair sighed and waited for a moment. Then, "I could ask my mom if I could bring you along."

Serena beamed. "Well if you insist."

"I totally do," replied Blair, smirking.

Serena laced her fingers with Blair's, twisting them around absentmindedly. "Uh, I was wondering, when do you think…" Serena glanced down at Blair quickly, and then away. "Do you think you're ever gonna want to tell your mom? You know, about you and me? About us?"

"I...yeah, of course. Of course I will." Blair's voice was reassuring, and Serena smiled slightly at the sound of it.

"When?" She knew it was probably irrational, but Serena wanted everyone to know about the perfect way in which she and Blair were together now. She wanted them to _know_ how much she loved her.

"I don't know, S. I don't want her to freak out."

"I get it," Serena replied quickly. "I was just wondering."

"I _want_ to, baby," Blair assured her slowly. "Really. Give it a little time, okay?"

"Yeah," Serena agreed softly, smiling.

"I need to get a shower," Blair stated, making no move whatsoever to get up. Serena rolled her body on top of Blair's slowly, letting every inch of her press against the Blair's curves until she braced herself on her elbows above the brunette. She leaned down and captured Blair's lips in a kiss, and it was a soft, light one. But it began to turn into a deep, passionate, _smoldering_ kiss, and it was only until Blair almost began to panic from lack of air that she even thought of detaching her lips from Serena's. Serena nipped at Blair's lower lip, and then captured it between her teeth, tugging. Blair sighed. It was embarrassingly loud, and she blushed.

"Lemme dirty you up a little before you get that shower," Serena murmured, and Blair felt butterflies deep in her lower stomach. She growled softly when Serena placed a knee against her warm center, causing Serena to breathe out a laugh. Blair held in a moan when Serena pressed her knee harder against her, staring up at the ceiling in wonder. Serena and her switched so effortlessly into the sex mode, the "we-need-to-fuck-before-I-explode stage. It was literally about two minutes until Blair was about to burst, just from the pressure of Serena's knee.

"We can't do this now," whispered Blair, because she was a big fan of the grand, long, marathon-like sex adventures, not the quickies. Sure, she would take them here and there. But not with Serena, not yet. Every time with Serena was going to be special, not some five-minute bang you don't remember in a couple of days.

"Yeah we can, baby," Serena replied, and her low, gruff voice hit Blair deep in her belly with a tingle that slowly spread southwards. Blair's hips surged upwards, and Serena smiled. "You want it," she pointed out, leaning to lick softly at a spot near Blair's ear. Blair arched her back when Serena bit her earlobe, and kept arching it as Serena moved her knee around. Serena pressed her knee into Blair hard, working her knee up and down until Blair involuntarily began to ride it.

"Serena," hissed Blair, trying to gain some control. It wasn't as if she was one of those people that could throw some clothes on and feel comfortable to go out, like Serena was. She needed _time_. "I'm going to have to get ready soon, Serena. _S_."

"Protest all you want," said Serena happily, smiling down at Blair as her hips twitched up. Serena took a hand and ran it alone the inside of Blair's thigh, eliciting a shiver. She dipped her hand inside Blair's dress, brushing across her opening. "You're not wearing any panties," she stated, using her knuckles to brush against Blair's opening again.

"I didn't have time to put any on," spat Blair, finding it hard to talk while she was trying to hold in moans and gasps. "Dorota was at the door."

"Good girls always wear panties," reminded Serena, and if Blair hadn't been so out of her mind at the moment, she would have made sure that condescending tone in Serena's voice was gone _immediately_.

"Guess I'm not a good girl then," Blair snapped, sighing when Serena pressed her knuckles into her.

"I'll teach you to be one." Serena splayed her fingers out against Blair's mound.

"_Serena_."

Serena laughed at the reprimand, sweeping her fingers lightly down Blair's thighs and away from her core.

"Good girl," Blair said when Serena moved over so she wasn't straddling her anymore. Blair rolled off the bed, pulling her dress over her head and dropping it on the floor as she began to walk to the shower. She stopped at the door to the bathroom, turning to glare at Serena. "And if you try to seduce me like that again when I have somewhere to be," she warned, crossing her arms, "you'll be in trouble."

"Ooh, I'm scared," stated Serena, rolling her eyes and leaning against a pillow. She crossed her arms. "Go get a shower now, since you're all worked up about getting one."

Blair huffed. "I will, _darling_." She turned on her heel and stomped into the bathroom, annoyed. And only when she felt a lithe body press her against the shower wall and long arms circle around her waist, only _then_, did she forgive Serena for the little mishap.

"So how have you been, dear?" Eleanor asked her daughter, taking a huge sip of her wine and trying to make it look dainty. "I feel like I haven't talked to you in _forever_."

Blair stared at her mom while she popped a little piece of roll in her mouth, and then she stared at Serena. "That's because you flew out to France the other day, Mother." She was really, really tired of her mom being so melodramatic. "You could've at least called."

"Oh, Blair, please," Eleanor protested. "I was only gone for one day."

Blair supposed she should be used to a world where people's mothers fly to France and don't tell them until after they're back.

"Did you have a good time?" Serena asked innocently, always the one to try to steer the conversation away from anything that might result in an argument, especially between Blair and her mother.

"Of course. Met some men, had some drinks. I had a grand time."

Blair was about to throw up. She _hated_ her mother.

Serena slipped her hand under the table and brushed it against Blair's knee, squeezing it lightly. The hand slid upwards and Blair glanced sharply at her mother, who was sitting across from them. If Serena started doing these things, Blair didn't know if she'd be able to handle it. She clenched Serena's hand with her own, preventing it from continuing its circuit up Blair's leg.

"That's good," Serena replied to Eleanor after a long moment. She looked at Blair and their gaze held steady, until Eleanor cleared her throat and they were startled into reality.

"What have you girls been doing lately?" she asked, and Blair coughed at the awkward silence that followed.

"Just hanging out," said Serena, and Blair nodded in agreement. She opened her mouth to contribute, but stopped when she heard her phone ringing. She reached into her bag to answer it, ignoring the fact that her mom hated her talking on the phone at the table.

"Hello?" she answered, not even looking to see who was calling because she was so grateful for the distraction.

"Blair?"

Blair clenched her teeth. "Why are _you_ calling me?"

"I need to tell you something." Vanessa's voice was urgent, but Blair didn't even notice. She detested the girl so much.

"Look, Abrams. I'm busy. So unless this is a matter of life or death-"

"It's Nate," Vanessa interrupted, and Blair felt her brow furrow.

"What about him?" she asked slowly, glancing out of the corner of her and seeing Serena staring at her, confused.

"He… he's drunk, I think, and he's not acting himself. He called me over here. He's acting really weird."

Blair scoffed. "Please, Abrams. That's an everyday occurrence. He's either drunk or stoned out of his mind. You'll get used to it."

"But…"

"I have to _go_," snapped Blair, rolling her eyes.

"_No_." Vanessa's voice was slightly panicked. "Blair, you don't understand. It's... he…he's got a gun…"


	9. Chapter 9

**Enjoy!**

**p.s. Even the smallest review really makes my day! (hint hint. Hahah) :) **

We have to go to Nate's," Blair said abruptly, standing up and pulling Serena with her. "It's an emergency." She didn't give her mother time to protest before she turned and flew out the door of the restaurant, stepping to the street and holding her hand out for a cab.

"What's the matter?" Serena asked, her worry growing as Blair's grasp on her arm steadily tightened.

"Vanessa said Nate was drunk, and had a gun," Blair managed to spit out before she was preoccupied with getting quickly into the cab and pulling Serena in after her. She barked the address to the cab driver.

"Do you think he's okay?" Serena asked, brining a nail to her mouth and beginning to bite it. It was a nervous habit of hers, and if Blair hadn't been in such a panic, she would have reprimanded the blonde sternly.

"Let's hope so," Blair said, her face stony as she stared out the window. She couldn't stop herself from thinking how Nate always had to fuck everything up, and she knew that made her a horrible person.

They arrived 5 minutes later at the hotel Nate had been staying at, what with the whole mess about his father and whatnot. Blair pushed the button for the elevator repeatedly, jamming her finger against it hard because she was worried and angry and _nervous_.

The door dinged open and Blair pulled Serena in with her, because Serena was still so confused and at this point she was just letting Blair drag her wherever was needed. "I'm going to fucking kill him," hissed Blair under her breath, because where the hell did Nate get off acting like he'd use a gun on himself, some attempt at suicide?

Blair barged in Nate's room, not bothering to knock or otherwise announce her presence. The first person she saw was Vanessa, and then Chuck, and she thought this must be a big deal, for Chuck to be here instead of out partying and picking up sluts. Blair noticed that Nate was lying on the bed, and he didn't look too bad, but she did have to admit it was not one of his finest hours. His hair was unruly, and his eyes were incredibly bloodshot, with dark circles underneath them as if he hadn't slept in forever. His mouth was hanging open and a little bit of drool was collecting on the side of it, which Blair narrowly refrained from commenting on. Nate's eyes were slanted and Blair wasn't sure if he was asleep or just very, very, drunk. Chuck held up a revolver and spun it around his finger languidly, as if it were a squirt gun they had found Nate with and not the real thing.

"What the hell was he doing with that?" Serena breathes out.

"Who knows," Chuck answers in a bored voice, and Blair thought he had a lot of nerve to be talking like that while his best friend could have killed himself, for all they knew. "He was babbling before you got here, something about you, Blair. That was about five minutes ago. We haven't heard from him since right before you got here. Humphrey's searching the place, just to make sure…" Chuck smirks a little, looking away. "Well, just to make sure our little Nate wasn't up to something he couldn't handle."

Blair turned as Dan came from the bathroom, holding up a bottle of Ambien and shaking it. "I found this, open and next to the toilet. The seal for it was there too, so he must have just taken them. "His face was unsettled, steadily growing more frightened as he continued to talk. "Almost the entire bottle is gone."

"Call 911," Blair ordered immediately. She walked towards Nate swiftly to check his pulse, both Chuck and Vanessa moving to give her room, but still hovering over her. Nate's heartbeat was sluggish and infrequent, but nonetheless it was there, and this gave Blair at least a small dash of hope. She heard Dan explaining quickly to the police on the opposite end of the phone that they needed an ambulance, and she thought that of all the people this could've happened to, who knew it would be Nate?

"Wha a you doin," came a muffled voice, and Blair glanced down at Nate. His eyes were still slanted, which made her think that he had been awake the whole time, and his mouth was moving slowly and difficultly to squeeze the words out.

"We're taking you to the hospital." She let Dan and Chuck hook their arms around Nate's and lift him up, ignoring his weak babbling and protests. Blair was the last to leave out of the door, the sight of Nate disappearing into the ambulance the most terrifying and unsettling thing she had _ever_ seen.

Blair began to pace in the hallway outside of Nate's room. They were doing tests on him, and only Blair's incessant badgering and threats of suing the hospital had allowed the group of five to accommodate the corridor outside Nate's door.

"I'm going to get something to eat," Chuck said lowly, standing from a chair he had rigidly been sitting on. He wasn't good at things like this, things that required thinking and feeling and _loving_. Nate was his bro, the best one he had ever had. And if he ended up dying, Chuck didn't know what he would do. But he didn't want anyone else there when he figured it out.

"I think we'll come too," Vanessa said as she looked at Dan, and that was the last fucking thing that Chuck wanted, but he just stared at them darkly with his consent, because he could always ditch them when they got there.

"Me and B will stay," Serena said after a moment, eyeing the brunette who was pacing vigorously before her. "You guys go ahead."

After they were gone, Serena stood up and went to Blair, taking the small girl by the arms to prevent her from pacing any longer. "You should calm down."

"How can I calm down, Serena?" Blair asked, angry. "What if I'm the reason he did this? What if he was killing himself and it was my fault? Even if I had the tiniest little part in this…" Blair leaned against the wall and slowly did down it until she was sitting with her knees pressed against her chest, hiding her face in her hands. "He… he could be dying Serena. What if it was my _fault_?"

Serena was a little unsettled at first, because she had seen Blair cry numerous times, but never like _this_. She crouched down next to Blair and softly placed a hand on her shoulder, rubbing it around in small circles. "It'll be okay, B. Nate was probably stressed out, with his dad and his money situation and everything. He hasn't been going through the best time lately. That's not your fault, at _all_. I don't think he took the pills long before we got him here. As long as… as long as they can get them out before they cause too much damage, Nate will be fine. Okay?" She pressed her lips to Blair's hair, feeling the girl shaking with silent sobs under her grasp. "It's not your _fault_, baby."

But no words from Serena or anybody would ever change Blair's mind.

"It'll be okay," Serena repeated, smoothing her hand over Blair's hair erythematic. "It'll be okay."

"It's my fault," Blair choked out. "I'm so sorry."

Serena took Blair's face in her hands and made the brunette face her. "Look at me, B. Look at me. It's not your fault. I _promise_. Please don't blame yourself. You have to stay strong, for Nate. For _me_."

"What if he _dies_, S?" Blair asked, her eyes wide with fear and anxiety. She was the most stripped down Serena had ever seen her, and the blonde swallowed.

"He won't," she said softly, bringing her lips to Blair's cheek and kissing it, even as she tasted the salty tears there. "Nate's too strong for that to happen." She knew she was taking a chance, making promises and reassurances that she certainly could not keep. "Don't worry, you'll see. Soon, we'll be able to go see him. And it might take awhile, but he'll get back to normal. And it'll be like it never happened. Okay? It'll be like it never happened."

Blair turned her face towards Serena and Serena leaned forward until their lips were pressed together, moving in slow and comforting ways that they were not exactly very familiar with. Blair's kiss was tinged with sadness, and Serena was praying and hoping that everything would go back to normal, because she didn't want to see Blair hurting like this.

It was a little more than five days until they were able to see Nate. He was almost completely out of it still, and none of them stayed very long because they couldn't deal with the heavy silence that suffocated the room, every time.

Blair was the one that had loved Nate the most, and Blair was the one that stayed all night, every night.

She would stare at Nate almost the whole time, and when she felt tears sliding down her face, she didn't wipe them off. They were a reminder of what she'd done, of why Nate was here. If she hadn't fucking _broken up with him_…

But that wasn't fair. Because she had done it for Serena, and she loved Serena. Serena didn't deserve for this to happen, didn't deserve for Blair to say she couldn't ever spend the night because she was always here, with Nate, or to know that secretly in her mind Blair was regretting breaking up for Nate, which really could mean that Blair regretted getting together with Serena.

She knew she was hurting Serena by the way she was acting, and Serena didn't fucking _deserve_ it.

On the fifth night that Blair spent the night with Nate, his eyes opened a little wider and his mouth began to move. "What… are you doing… here?" he croaked, his voice forced and rough because he hadn't spoken for almost eleven days.

"I've been spending the night here every night," Blair responded softly, staring down in her lap as she leaned against the wall and crossed her legs. "Waiting for you to wake up, waiting… waiting for you to tell me what _happened_."

It was silent for a moment, while Nate gathered his thoughts, she supposed. She glanced up at his bed. She was happy he was going to be okay, but now she had to hear the thing she'd been dreading.

'I took some pills, that's… the last thing I…remember," Nate rasped. "And my throat hurts… like… _fuck_."

"Why did you do it Nate?" asked Blair, getting up and going to stand by him.

"I… I couldn't take it anymore. My dad…and my…mom…and I had no money…and you…and you didn't… love me…anymore."

Blair closed her eyes. She _knew_ this was her fault.

Her cell phone rang and she whipped it out of her bag quickly. "I'm sorry," she told Nate. "Hold on. Hello?"

"B?" she heard Serena's voice say from the other line. "Are you at the hospital?"

"Of course," Blair answered immediately, because why wouldn't she be here? Her answer must have taken Serena off guard, because the line was abruptly silent.

"Oh. Okay," said Serena after a moment. "I was going to ask if you wanted to come over, but… never mind."

"I'm sorry, S," Blair said, because she really was. She had been neglecting Serena more and more over the past week and a half. "Nate just started talking! So hopefully this thing will be over soon, and we'll all go back to normal. I'm sorry we haven't seen much of each other recently."

"It's okay," replied Serena, her voice quiet. "I'm really glad Nate's getting better. I'm gonna go though, alright?"

"Okay. I love you."

"Love you, too. Bye."

Blair flipped her phone closed at turned to Nate. He was still awake and watching her through slanted eyes. "It's not that I don't love you anymore, Nate."

_I just love somebody else better_.

"I know, Blair, it's just… the thought of…us not being together…it tears me up… inside. You're the…best thing that's…ever happened to me. And I'm…so in… _love_ with you, I don't…I don't know… what to do… if you don't love me… the same."

Blair didn't know what to say, because she was so confused. She was in love with Serena, wholeheartedly. But then, seeing Nate like this triggered her protective side, and she felt herself wanting to be Nate's girlfriend, wanting to be there for him and take care of him and _love_ him, and always be by his side forever and always.

Nate reached out an unsteady hand and brushed it lightly against Blair's arm. She could tell it was a struggle for him so she stepped closer until her legs were touching his bed. He just looked so small and pitiful…

Impulsively, she leaned down and brushed her lips against his, idly wandering what the hell she was doing.

He kissed her back (of course), and it was like nothing had ever changed. She had never broken up with Nate and she had never fallen in love with Serena and they weren't in a hospital because Nate had tried to commit suicide. Blair pressed her tongue against Nate's lips to deepen the kiss, brushing her knuckles lightly against his rough, unshaven cheek. She was so happy he was _alive_. She smiled when she felt his hand reach out and touch her waist, and she moved her body even closer, so she was leaning over him and her upper body was pressed against him lightly. She broke away for a second and brushed his hair out of hes eyes softly, before leaning down to kiss him again. His hand brushed against her neck and then slid lower to her breast.

And then Blair was like_ fuck, no. __**STOP**_, because this was cheating, and she was dating Serena, and Serena would kill her, and she didn't _love_ Nate anymore, and…

And what was she _doing_?

"I have to go," she forced out, stepping away from Nate and breaking the connection that had begun to re-form.

"Come back tomorrow?" Nate asked, slightly confused but not in the state of mind to question her about it.

"Sure. Now get a good night's sleep. You need your rest."

"I love you, Blair. I really do."

Blair looked at him and swallowed. "I love you too."

And she meant it.


	10. Chapter 10

"I've missed you," Serena whispered as she stared at the brunette standing in her bedroom door, her voice floating across the silent room and curling around Blair like a familiar blanket, yet one that made her feel afraid.

"I've missed you too," Blair breathed, because in the couple of days she had been at the hospital with Nate she had forgotten how beautiful Serena was, how perfect and heartbreaking. Blair took a cautious step towards the bed where Serena's was sitting, laptop perched on her lap and her unruly blonde hair pulled up in a messy bun. She had missed the comfort she felt when she was with her girlfriend, the feelings Serena gave her that Nate could not.

Serena scooted the laptop off her and stood up, putting her arms out over her head and stretching her long, tired limbs. Blair watched Serena's silky pajama top rise from her hips and reveal a small sliver of a washboard stomach. Blair's own stomach clenched.

"How's Nate?" Serena asked as she glided forward, reaching Blair and putting a hand on her cheek. "Is he doing okay?"

"He's doing great. Should be out in a day or two."

Blair followed Serena back to her bed, awkward and hesitant because she wasn't sure how to be around Serena anymore. Serena sat down, crossing her legs, and Blair sat down next to her. She didn't want anything to be noticeably different, and she leaned and brushed her lips against Serena's cheek, as a way of showing her that she hadn't forgotten what they were. She really wanted to tell Serena about the kiss with Nate. Serena would probably take it fine, would forgive her and move on and then they could live happily forever after.

Or maybe not.

Serena smiled after Blair kissed her cheek, uncrossing her legs and turning her body so she was facing Blair. She cupped Blair's face in her hand and kissed her softly on the lips, breathing out quietly as she felt Blair's fingers tangle in her hair. Serena broke away slightly and brushed her nose against Blair's. "I love you."

"And you know I love you." Blair smiled, taking a deep breath as she did; she couldn't keep secrets, not from someone like Serena.

Serena kissed her once more and then broke away, returning to her cross-legged position and pulling the laptop onto her lap.

"I have to tell you something." Blair blurted.

Serena glanced over, aware that Blair's tone did not indicate something exciting. "What?"

"When I was at the hospital… when… I was with Nate… I…I…" How could she do this? Serena had done nothing wrong to her. Why had she had to kiss Nate?

Serena's mouth began to set in a firm, straight line. "You did what?"

"I kissed him," Blair breathed, scrambling for an explanation. "It was just a little kiss. It didn't mean anything, S, I swear."

Serena stared in front of her for a moment, not moving or saying anything. "Why?" She whispered.

"I don't know. I really don't. I thought I loved him again, but then when I saw you I realized I didn't and that you're the only one I wanna be with and I have no feelings for him at all and I don't know what made me think I did and I'm really, _really_ sorry."

"You can't just fall in love with Nate every time you see him, Blair," Serena replied angrily, getting up and walking to the dresser on the other side of the room. She placed her hands on it and stood there, looking away from her bed and away from Blair and what she had done.

Blair stood up and came behind Serena, putting her arms around Serena's waist and holding her there so she couldn't move. She kissed her ear and squeezed her, hard, pulling the blonde's lean body into her own. "I promise. It meant nothing. We didn't have sex or anything. We just-"

"You think just because you didn't have sex with him means it doesn't _hurt_?" Serena hissed, wishing she could turn around and look in Blair's eyes but also relieved that she couldn't.

"No, Serena, I just… I didn't mean to-"

"I don't care what you _meant_. Let me go. This is over."

Tears sprang immediately to Blair's eyes when she heard those words, and she stepped back and watched as Serena spun to face her.

"No, please, I didn't-I'm just… I thought that I loved Nate and maybe for a second I did, but not as much as I love you."

"That's bullshit, Blair. I'm not going to live my life hoping each day that you'll choose me over Nate. When you and I got together, I completely shed all my feelings for Dan. You were the only one I cared about. I would _never_ go running back to my ex like a scared little _whore_."

Blair knew Serena's anger was making her malicious, and she _hated _it.

"I'm really confused, about this. About us. Serena, I swear, I never meant to-"

"You're confused?" Serena's voice was incredulous. "What the hell does that mean? I'm confused too, yet do you see me running around and kissing my ex-boyfriend, spending more time than I do with you because I "thought for a second" that I loved him again? That's shit." Serena turned and sat down on her bed, putting her face in her hands.

"Serena-"

Serena glanced up at Blair, her eyes watery. "Stop fucking talking to me. I'm as confused as you are. Falling in love with your best friend? Anybody would be confused in that situation. And the fact that we're both girls? Fuck, that makes it even more confusing. I'm not saying that it's not _hard_, Blair. I understand, people _want_ people, even when they're together with someone else. Nate and I slept together, and he cheated on you. This better not be some type of goddamn revenge Blair. Because with all the shit you put me through after you found out about that, I think you've had your fair share of payback."

"You think I'd do something like this for _revenge_?" Blair asked, walking to Serena and kneeling on the bed next to her, gripping her upper arms tightly until the blonde looked in her eyes.

"Yes."

"Get a grip," Blair snapped. "I'm not that pathetic. It was an accident. I forgive you when you make mistakes, Serena, please forgive me, this one time."

"I always forgive you!" Serena replied, her voice rising. "Through all the crap you give me, I'm always the one who comes back for you! Every single damn time!

"One more." Blair brushed her lips across Serena's, cheek, across her forward and then down her face and across her neck. "One more time, baby, _please_."

"Blair-"

"We belong together, Serena."

"There's a hell of a lot of guys out there that wouldn't give me the shit you do," Serena retorted.

Blair bit lightly at Serena's neck, the pleading disappearing and the convincing coming to take its place. "Nobody else can make you feel this good."

"Blair," Serena said sharply, giving the brunette a warning.

"It's true, Serena," Blair protested quietly, one of her hands brushing against Serena's thigh and then coming up to circle her waist. "I'm you guilty pleasure, and you're mine, and no matter how much bullshit we go through we always end up back with each other. We fucking need to be together Serena, and us breaking up will only waste time."

Serena looked down at Blair's deep, chocolate eyes, at the way they both knew that the words were true. She loved Blair too much to let her go like this.

"I love you Serena. I promise. Forever."

Serena inhaled sharply at the words, because she believed them and loved them, but also because they cut her inside and left her open and vulnerable and wounded.

"I love Nate, too," Blair whispered cautiously against Serena's neck. "I just don't know _how_ yet. But I do know that I love you more. Always have, and always will."

Serena shouldn't have been content with that. It wasn't _enough_.

Blair nipped lovingly at her neck and Serena groaned, her hand unconsciously falling down to grasp Blair by the hair.

"Okay."

**Sorry this is like the worst chapter EVER in history. I just really wanted to put something out here. If you guys have any requests or mind-blowing suggestions on what I could do with this story, do tell. I'd love to know, and I'm kind of running out of ideas.  
If not, I could always write the hot and aggressive sex scene that comes after Serena and Blair make up. Hoorahhh!  
L****ove you! -Desiree**


	11. Chapter 11

Nate's an asshole," Serena said idly as Blair's lips brushed all over her neck.

"I know," Blair agreed, taking Serena by the arms and pushing her so she was lying on the bed. She kissed her way down Serena's neck and Serena squirmed as Blair held her down.

"He's attractive, but not particularly that great of a guy," Serena replied, trying to stop herself from moaning. "I don't know what we saw in him. Or what you _see_ in him."

Blair glanced up and caught Serena's eye. "Well, I know how to pick them, that's for sure."

"We're not doing this now," Serena informed Blair as she ran her tongue across the hollow of Serena's neck.

"We're not doing anything," replied Blair, her voice tinted with mischief. "I'm just kissing you." Her hand slid down, resting on the inside of Serena's thigh. Serena shifted, and Blair laughed. "I can't touch you? I thought we made up."

Serena would never have imagined that Blair Waldorf would have a horny side to her, much less one so prominent and insistent. It was extremely hard to handle; the brunette just radiated sex and desire, and Serena was a very weak and helpless person often times.

"We did," Serena said, her fingers tangling in Blair's hair and tugging up sharply. Blair reached up, removing Serena's hand from her hair and biting down on the skin near Serena's collarbone.

"I just wanna touch you," Blair replied hoarsely, smiling at Serena slyly. "I love you." She swept her tongue along the bite marks she'd left on Serena's skin, smirking against the soft flesh. She brought her lips up Serena's neck, nipping at her jaw line. She broke away from Serena's skin abruptly and gripped her shoulder, feeling the blonde tense under her grasp with apprehension. Pressing her lips softly to Serena's neck, Blair smiled before she bit down, hard, on the spot she knew made Serena absolutely go weak in the knees.

Serena growled softly, taking Blair by the hair and wrenching her up so she could press their lips together. "You know not to bite me there," she hissed, taking Blair's lower lips between her teeth and tugging it with her as she pulled away. She never really liked feeling vulnerable, especially in front of someone like Blair. And that spot made her feel _powerless_.

"Mmm," Blair sighed, smiling as Serena tugged on her lip harder, finally letting it go when Blair emitted a particularly loud groan. "I'll bite you wherever I want." Her hand slid down the side of Serena's lithe body, pressing through the blonde's jeans into the warm center between her thighs. "I want to make love to you."

"Take your clothes off," Serena husked, pushing Blair towards the edge of the bed. Blair shot her a look, not excited with being pushed around. She stood up and tugged her dress up and over her head, watching Serena carefully as Serena watched her. She grasped her panties and tugged them down, noticing slightly the dampness in them.

Serena could make her come just by looking at her.

Blair made a move to sit back on the bed and Serena held up a hand, pressing it to the brunette's flat stomach and preventing her from sitting.

"Stand up," Serena ordered, pushing Blair back slightly. "I want to look at you."

Blair was still uncomfortable about her naked body, and Serena knew it. But she stepped back and crossed her arms across her stomach.

"Uncross your arms, and step back a little," Serena said.

Blair sighed, rolling her eyes and doing what Serena told her. "What the hell is this for, Serena?"

"Shut up." Serena stood up slowly, taking a step towards Blair. She watched as Blair flinched at the words, smiling and moving closer. "You're gorgeous," she said softly, her voice shifting as she approached Blair and reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. "Turn around." Bair's eyes caught her own and they were full of questions, which Serena killed with a perfectly timed smile. Blair turned and Serena put a hand against her lower back, nudging her closer to the wall.

"How did you feel when you were kissing Nate?" Serena asked, reaching her hands around Blair's torso and resting them directly under her breasts.

"Bad," Blair answered immediately, grasping Serena's hands with her own and trying to drag them upwards. "Wrong. Stupid."

Serena pushed Blair towards the wall again, until Blair's chest was touching it. "Put your hands up here," Serena said, taking Blair's arm and putting it up in the air against the wall. Blair listened and Serena ran her hands down the contour of her ass, admiring how her current position made it stick out.

"Did it make you feel good?" Serena asked, using both her hands to reach down and grip Blair's butt. She squeezed the firm flesh in her hands roughly. "Did it turn you on? Did you think about all the other times you've kissed him, all the times you've fucked him?"

"No," Blair breathed out, and she was lying and they both knew it.

Serena brought her hand away from Blair's ass, smiling. "Don't lie."

Blair jerked roughly when she felt Serena's hand collide with her butt in a firm, hard slap. She gasped and Serena's other hand slid up the front of Blair's body, resting briefly on her neck before it clenched lightly around her throat. Blair moved a hand off the wall and Serena reached for it, grasping her wrist and bringing it behind the brunette's back.

Blair hadn't really considered choking; it hadn't been something she had ever thought she liked, or would be interested in experimenting with. But with Serena's lips pressed against her jaw and the blonde's hands squeezing softly at her throat, Blair was steadily growing hotter and hotter.

"It felt good," she whispered, and Serena squeezed tighter. "But not as good as when you do it."

"I'm a better kisser than little Nate?" asked Serena, her voice pleased and teasing. "How nice to know."

"Jesus," shuddered Blair as Serena spanked her again.

"You won't be kissing him again," Serena told her, shaking her by the neck lightly. "Because if I find out that you did? You'll regret it _so_ much."

"I will, will I?" taunted Blair, smirking. She wasn't one to be dominated and Serena knew it.

Serena gripped Blair's neck tighter, using her other hand to help forcibly turn the brunette around. She leaned forward and kissed Blair hard, biting her lower lip until she tasted blood. "Yes," she growled. "You will."

"Fuck me," Blair breathed, digging her nails into Serena's stomach. "Make me forget about him."

"Get on the bed. On your hands and knees." Serena stepped back and pulled off her shirt and bra, turning to stare at Blair as she tugged down her pajama pants and underwear. Blair turned her head to look at Serena, immensely surprised how well she was doing what she was told. The last word anybody would use to describe Blair Waldorf was _obedient_, except in the rare occasion of important elders.

"Don't look at me." Serena sauntered towards the bed, aware of the way Blair sighed and rolled her eyes. She'd probably have to be punished for that later.

A sigh slipped from Blair's lips when she felt Serena crawl up behind her, felt Serena's thighs pressing against the back of hers as she kneeled behind her.

"Did he used to fuck you like this?" asked Serena, grasping Blair's hair and pulling back on it, hard. "Like you were a fucking dog? Or did he make love to you while you were lying underneath him, and gaze into your eyes and tell you how much he fucking loved you?"

"The second one," Blair spat. Nate had never been much of a rough person in bed, and although their sex had steadily gotten more boring and dull, Blair had never suggested anything different.

"That's boring," laughed Serena, dragging her nails down Blair's back and smiling when the brunette cried out. "I mean I understand once in awhile, but you gotta spice it up." She leaned forward and hooked her arm around Blair's neck so that Blair's throat was pressed into the crook of her arm. "If I had been him, I would've fucked you like this," she tugged backwards so Blair's body was arched, her head thrown back, "every single day until you passed out. And you'd still be begging for more."

Blair spread her legs when Serena's fingers slipped between them, tickling the insides of her thighs and running lightly along the length of her slit.

"That's it," Serena murmured, pressing her fingers against Blair as the girl jerked. "Spread your legs like the little whore that you are."

Blair felt like she could orgasm just from hearing Serena talk like that. "Put them inside," she groaned, twisting her neck so she could get a brief glance at the beauty kneeling behind her.

Serena removed her arm from Blair's neck, touching her softly on the cheek before she slapped her, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to leave a sting.

Blair gasped, shocked that Serena would do something so… degrading.

And also shocked that she liked it.

"You don't tell me what to do," Serena purred, rubbing Blair's cheek to ease away the sting. She resisted the urge to laugh aloud; she had never taken charge in this way before, and she decided that she liked it. A lot. She brushed Blair's entrance with her fingers, resisting the urge to answer Blair's delicious moan at the touch. "Do you want these inside of you?" Serena questioned, gripping Blair by the hip with her other hand and digging her nails into her flesh.

Blair nodded and Serena spanked her hard, just for the hell of it. While Blair was still recovering from the sting she entered her swiftly with her fingers, moaning quietly as her fingers pushed into the warm, throbbing center from behind.

"God. You're so fucking wet," she whispered harshly, probing two fingers in deeper. She felt the slight bumpiness of Blair's g-spot but refused to stimulate it, instead moving her fingers in another direction.

"Do you like it better when I fuck you?" she asked Blair, her voice low. "Or is Nate better? Can he fuck you good with his dick? Can he make you come so hard that you can't see straight? Cuz me personally, I think this is better. My fingers, I mean. Because I can do this." Serena curled her fingers inside of Blair and Blair groaned, her back arching. "And I can to this." Serena let her fingers brush Blair's spot, smirking as Blair moaned and gasped loudly, her butt pushing back against Serena and her hips grinding down against Serena's fingers. "And all Nate can do his stick his stupid penis inside you. He could never make you come like I do."

"Scratch me," Blair whispered, sighing in satisfaction when Serena once again dragged her nails down the tanned, delicate skin of her back. "Please, S. Make me come."

"Did Nate eat you out?" Serena asked, the tempo of her fingers increasing rapidly. "Did he fuck you with his fingers like this?"

"No." Blair hated to admit it, she really did. But all her and Nate had done was traditional, boring sex. No oral. No anal. Nothing.

"Sounds like a hell of a sex partner," sneered Serena. "I'm glad I only made that mistake once."

Blair was far too gone to care about Serena bringing up old things. "_Yes_," she moaned when she felt Serena began to grind herself on her thigh, pressing her warm wetness against Blair's skin.

Serena added another finger so there were three, pushing them into Blair's own wetness up to her knuckles. She pressed her thumb against Blair's clit, knowing Blair was close.

"Let me turn around," Blair begged, straining to stop herself from going over the edge. "I wanna see you."

Serena pulled her fingers out and allowed it, holding Blair down by her stomach once she was lying on her back. She trailed her fingers down Blair's stomach, brushing through her wetness but waiting a minute before she re-entered her.

"Are you about to come?" Serena asked, her breath speeding up as Blair's did.

"Yes," replied Blair, twisting up and arching her back as Serena pressed against her spot. "I'm about to come, and it's all for you."

"Mmm," Serena smiled, watching as Blair's eyes rolled slightly to the back of her head and her breathing became even more labored. "I want you to come for me, _now_. I wanna feel you clench around my fingers. I wanna feel you coat them in your wetness, and then I wanna watch you as you clean it all off." She dug her nails into Blair's stomach, sliding her hand up and grasping Blair's breast roughly. "I wanna feel you throb and pulse and _drip_, all for me, B."

Blair cried out and then she was coming against Serena's hand, hard. She closed her eyes and her hips jerked reflexively, grinding against Serena's hand as she groaned in ecstasy. "S," she breathed, staring up at the ceiling as she rode her orgasm out. "_Fuck_." She reached up and grasped the hair at the nape of Serena's neck tightly, pulling the blonde into her and kissing her roughly. "I fucking love you so much. _God_." She flipped them both over quickly, her pussy still pulsating as she entered a finger into Serena. "You have no _goddamn_ idea how much I just wanna fuck you until you pass out," she hissed, closing her eyes at the way Serena reached up and pinched a nipple, twisting it harder the more Blair moaned.

"You're soaked," she stated, staring down at the intensity in Serena's eyes and her obvious horniness. She added three fingers to her one, watching as Serena shuddered when they stretched her vagina exceptionally. "Can you handle them all?" Blair asked, her voice low and rough. "Can you, S?"

Serena moaned. "Please."

"You're sure as hell wet enough," Blair murmured, staring down at her fingers pushing in and out of Serena.

"Do it," Serena encouraged quietly, her hips bucking into Blair's hand. "Please."

"You're sure?"

"Your fist," Serena replied, reaching for Blair's free hand and grasping it tightly. "I want you to put your fist inside."

Blair glanced up, her eyes locking with Serena's bright blue ones. She pulled her fingers out and began to cup her hand as she eyed Serena. "Really?"

Serena nodded, biting her lip as hard as she could.

Blair stared at Serena while she entered Serena with the tips of her fingers, her hand cupped. She pushed farther until she was up to the first knuckles on her fingers. "You promise this is okay? I don't want to hurt you."

Serena squeezed her hand. "I promise, B."

Blair cupped her hand more so it was even smaller, pushing in deeper until the only part of her not in Serena was her knuckles. She winced before she did a final push, working her knuckles in and twisting her hand around to help slide it in.

"Fuck," gasped Serena, her eyes wide and glazed. She clawed tightly at Blair's hand, digging her nails into Blair's palm. "I can't even… Oh my God."

"Is it okay?" Blair asked once her whole fist was inside, her hand in Serena all the way up to her wrist. "Does it hurt?"

"It hurts like _shit_," replied Serena softly, reaching down and grasping Blair's wrist so she didn't pull out. "But it feels so good."

Blair began to rotate her wrist inside Serena, delighted at the soft, wet feeling of Serena enveloping her hand.

"I'm gonna come," Serena breathed, because she had been building up to an orgasm the whole time and it hadn't taken much of Blair's touching to bring her close to the edge. "I'm going to come all over your fist." Serena brought her fingers to her mouth, still tasting the saltiness of Blair on her fingers. "I believe you never cleaned these off," she murmured, closing her eyes as Blair rotated her hand inside of her at a slightly faster tempo. Blair grasped Serena's wrist and brought her fingers to her lips.

"Open your eyes," she commanded, and when Serena did, she enveloped her fingers with her mouth, running her tongue over them and between them until every trace of her juices was gone. Serena watched her with big eyes and a gaping mouth. Her girlfriend was _so_ fucking hot.

Serena shuddered and closed her eyes, unable to keep them open and continue watching Blair's show. Blair dropped her hand and used her thumb to rub against Serena's clit.

Serena jerked. "Shit."

"You're so sexy when you're horny like this," Blair whispered as she leaned and bit the lobe of Serena's ear. "So vulnerable and bothered." She twisted the hand inside Serena and it was all that Serena needed. She arched up, reaching her arms around Blair and digging her nails into the skin of her back as she orgasmed. She resisted the urge to scream as she felt her vagina muscles clench tightly around Blair's hand. "I love you," she murmured as her thrusting hips began to still and post-orgasmic bliss began to take her over. She pulled Blair to her and kissed her softly, slipping her tongue inside Blair's mouth and tangling it with the brunette's.

Blair slowly pulled her hand out of Serena, marveling at how much it was glistening. She rolled off Serena and flopped onto the bed next to her, turning to face Serena when the blonde reached for her hand and began to lick it clean. The long strokes of Serena's tongue in between her fingers made her sigh with happiness.

"You're amazing," Serena murmured as Blair leaned over to press her lips to Serena's cheek.

"So I've been told," replied Blair, grinning. Serena laughed and shifted her body so she was embracing Blair with both arms, squeezing her hard and pulling their bodies together. Blair rolled so she was on top and then they rolled again so Serena was on top, laughing giddily and grinning so wide their cheeks hurt. It felt great to make up.

"I'm sorry Serena," Blair whispered as she kissed Serena slowly. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, and it's okay. I just… I don't want it to happen again, B."

"I promise."

Serena smiled as their noses brushed together. "So am I better than Nate?"

Blair kissed the tip of Serena's nose affectionately. "Nate who?"

**Shoot me now because I can't write sex scenes. :/**


	12. Chapter 12

**I know I know; I haven't updated in FOREVER. I'm so sorry! :/ I don't really have any excuses other than, I lost inspiration/motivation/ideas for this story. MAJORLY. I haven't watched GG in forever, and I haven't seen any Waldsen-y cuteness in far too long. :( Maybe that explains the lack of inspiration. I'm gonna be honest: this chapter might suck for some of you. But it's needed to move the story a long. I promise, it won't be long until there's more Waldsen goodness. Review pleaaaseee, and I apologize for my absence! :)**

Blair trailed her finger across Serena's flat stomach, staring at the blonde carefully. Serena's eyes were closed, but she could feel Blair's eyes steadily resting on her.

"What is it?" she asked softly, her eyes remaining closed.

Blair's finger stilled for a moment before she began to trace circles, hesitating. "I think... I think I should visit Nate."

Blair felt Serena stiffen and she heard a gust of air as the blonde exhaled sharply.

"Just for a little, Serena," Blair murmured. "He should be getting out soon. I want to... I wanna-"

"Call him," Serena replied flatly, squeezing her shut tightly.

"It's not the same, S, and you know it."

Serena's voice was tight. "All _I_ know is I don't trust you and Nate together right now."

"I wanna be faithful to you Serena," said Blair as she rested her hand on Serena's stomach.

"I know you want to be. I just don't know if you can."

"I promise Serena, I-"

"I mean," stated Serena bluntly, "Doesn't seem that you were able to yesterday when you kissed him"

"That's funny, coming from someone like _you_," Blair blurted.

Serena opened her eyes and stared at her best friend before she turned and rolled over, facing the wall and turning her back to Blair. "Fuck you," she said loudly. "Go ahead and see Nate, why should I care?"

Blair scooted closer to Serena. "I'm sorry. You're my girlfriend, and I love you. You know that, right?"

Serena didn't answer, and Blair stared at her back for exactly five minutes before she bit her lip, scooted off the bed, and slipped out the door.

"They said I should be getting out today," Nate said as he stretched her arms out languidly, staring at Blair with a small smile on his face. "It's about time, you know what I mean. I'm tired of being all cooped up in this shit-hole."

"It's your fault that you're here," Blair reminded him lightly, running her hand along the edge of the sheet on his bed. She glanced up at him when he didn't answer and saw him watching her carefully, to the point where it began to unnerve her.

"I'm really glad you came," he said softly, reaching over and putting his hand on top of hers.

Blair forced a small smile. "Of course I came." She slipped her hand out from under his and took a small step away. "I can't stay long. I just came by to…to check on you."

Blair saw Nate's face fall. "I'll call you sometime, after I'm out of here and settled? We can hang out, or something."

Blair knew she shouldn't agree. She knew that hanging out with Nate was probably one of the worst things she could do, considering as of right now Serena wasn't talking to her. She didn't blame Serena for doubting her; the fact that she had kissed Nate the last time she had visited was enough to cause anyone to doubt her faithfulness. But Serena (of all people) should understand that people make mistakes. Nate had been Blair's best friend since forever, she couldn't just leave him for someone else and then completely loose contact with him all together. Why shouldn't she hang out with other people besides Serena? Serena would understand, and if she didn't, then she needed to get over herself and realize not everybody could always do what she wanted.

At least, this is all what Blair thought inside her head before she found herself agreeing with Nate.

"I haven't spoken to Serena for two days," Blair sighed into the phone, staring at the hands that rested in her lap. "I mean, she's mad at me. For… something."

"Forget Serena," Nate replied on the other end. "You're coming out with me tonight. Be there in ten."

Blair hung up and stared at the phone, her mouth set in a frown. Not talking to Serena for two days was like… loosing one of her lungs and only being able to breathe halfway. Blair felt like every second she was checking her phone, waiting for the name "Serena" to pop up in her inbox, or waiting to see that she had one missed call from her girlfriend. And every time she checked, Blair got the same results: nothing. She had considered calling Serena herself. She had thought long and hard about it, but Blair was not one to cave first, in any situation. She had too much pride to be the first one to call, to let Serena knew that she had won. Blair knew this shouldn't be thought of as a contest, and she knew she was being foolish, but it was hard to break the habits she'd lived with for her whole life.

She stood up from her bed and went to freshen up, wondering if going out with Nate was a good idea. He hadn't mentioned if other people would be going, or if it would just be them. As Blair stared at herself in the mirror, she shook out her hair and remembered that she was Blair Waldorf; she could and would make the best out of every situation.

They went to a club Blair hadn't been to in months, not having been much of a partier since her and Serena had gotten together. These days she was content just to lounge around the house or maybe go to a party or social gathering that had some class, but now, feeling the music pump through her skull and the bass vibrate around the room, she remembered how much she used to love clubs and the dirty, mind-crushing atmosphere that came with them.

They had brought Vanessa and Dan along. Blair didn't care for Dan, she certainly didn't like Vanessa, and it felt like something big was missing because Serena wasn't there, and Blair thought that this situation couldn't turn out well at all. And it was feeling all too much like _double date, _not like _four friends hanging out_, and in the cab when Dan and Vanessa held hands and Nate's hand brushed softly against her knee, Blair didn't say anything.

And she didn't all night.

She _pounded_ drinks. And Blair didn't know why she was doing it but she kept pouring them down her throat until Nate was forced to cut her off. She hadn't been out like this in a long time. By the time Nate got her away from the bar, everything was a blur. She didn't know where Vanessa and Dan had disappeared to, and Nate had to hold her up to keep her from stumbling and falling flat on her face.

In a tiny part of her drunken mind, Blair remembered this club had private rooms.

"I feel sick," she slurred, reaching out and wrapping an arm around Nate's neck for support.

"Do you need to go to the bathroom?" Nate asked her, concerned. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Blair this wasted. Typically, she had never been much of a heavy drinker. "Are you gonna throw up?"

"I need to lie down," Blair breathed, swaying slightly. "Take me to a room?"

Nate ran a hand through his hair. It would be very hard to explain if anybody, especially somebody that would notify Gossip Girl, saw them going into a private room together, especially with Blair this plastered. Blair asked again and Nate began to drag her to a room, moving through the crowds of people.

"I hope nobody saw us come in here," Nate muttered as he shut the door quickly, making sure to lock it. He watched Blair collapse on the bed, his head throbbing. He had a few drinks himself, enough to get drunk but not enough to be completely out of his mind.

"Why?" Blair murmured, throwing an arm over her face. "Lay with me." She patted the space on the bed next to her. Nate hesitated for a moment, but then his head swirled and he crawled into bed with her gently.

Blair turned so she was facing him, scooting closer and closer until their noses touched. Nate moved his head and looked away in order to break the contact. He put a hand on her shoulder and tried to distance his body from hers. "Blair…"

Blair giggled. "Wha ah you doin?"

"I don't think we should…"

Blair giggled louder and placed a hand on Nate's chest. "Don't worry, Nate, I don care if you wanna have sex. I missed you a lot."

"No, I don't want to have sex," replied Nate, scooting away even as Blair pulled him closer. She was clearly not realizing what she was saying.

"Please?" She stared at him with a pout on her red, plump lips. "I haven't had sex in a looong time."

Except for with Serena, and that didn't count.

"No, Blair." Nate said. It was becoming increasingly difficult to say no. He knew it would be a dick-head move; trying to have sex with Blair when she was drunk like this and had no idea what she was doing. Nate didn't think he'd ever forgive himself for that, and he wasn't sure Blair would either when she remembered it later.

Blair's hand slid down Nate's chest, brushing against his package ever so lightly. He jumped.

"Please, Nate, one time. We can forget 'bout it later," slurred Blair.

Her grip became more concentrated, and Nate knew she would keep fondling him until she eventually passed out or fell asleep, either one. He didn't know how long that would take, and how long he would be able to keep an erection down. He watched Blair, and even the drunken mess she was right now didn't obstruct her beauty.

"I love you Blair," Nate said quietly, so quietly he was sure she wouldn't be able to hear him. He was so confused. He always told himself that he and Blair were over and that they weren't meant to be. But his feelings for her returned at the strangest moments, and sometimes Nate thought he had always been in love with Blair and still was.

Blair stared at him for a moment, eyes seeming to abruptly gain clarity and focus. "Love you too," she mumbled, and Nate wasn't sure if she was momentarily a bit sober, or if it just appeared that way. She pulled him on top of her, and when their lips pressed together, he didn't stop them.


	13. Chapter 13

**Short chapta! Sorrrrrrrrrry! It'll get better:) Review! (and for all those people [yeah YOU] that favorite me/favorite the story/alert me/alert the story and don't comment? You're on my list! ****haha just kidding, it's cool as long as you're loving it!**

Blair stared at the calender she kept above the desk in her room. She stared hard at the little red dot she had marked on it a month and one week ago, the little dot that meant she had started her period.

Blair was a week late, and Blair hadn't t been late for her period since 7th grade.

She wanted to call Serena, but they were still on rocky speaking terms. Serena had visited her once, the night after Blair had gone to the club, and she had still had a massive hangover. She was so disgusted with the way she had forced herself on Nate, which resulted in her barely speaking to Serena and the atmosphere growing so tense that Serena just left in a flurry of blonde hair.

It had been six days since then, and it felt like forever.

Blair reached across her desk and ran her fingers across the calender that hung on the wall. She stood up then and slowly and deliberately ripped off the entire month of September. She crumpled it up and then dropped the crumpled ball into the wastebasket on the side of her desk. She wouldn't look at it anymore. Blair turned and stared at her bed, where three pregnancy tests sat. She had gone out and bought them no more than an hour ago (disguised with a big sun hat and huge sunglasses of course).

"I can't let myself be intimidated by this," she said out loud to herself, trying to rationalize. She actually felt too scared to go over and pick up the tests. She shook her head and strode over to her bed, snatching them all up and walking quickly to the bathroom before she could stop herself.

Blair stared at herself in the mirror. At any other moment in time, she would have been disgusted to see herself like this. She hadn't't put on makeup in almost a week, her hair was tangled and hadn't't been brushed, and she had been wearing the same sweats and t-shirt since she had seen Serena. (She had taken showers of course, she was Blair Waldorf. But _still_). Blair ran a hand through her hair (with difficulty), tugged her pants down, and sat on the toilet. She opened the first test quickly, like she was in a hurry. The quicker she could do this the quicker she could forget about it. She couldn't be pregnant right? One time with Nate had gotten her pregnant? That would be the shittiest luck in the world.

The waiting after she peed on the damn thing was agonizing, and it felt like years. Blair felt like she was going to tear her hair out. Why had she done this? Why had she cheated on Serena? Why was she _so_. _Fucking_._ Dumb_?

Positive.

_Shit._

Blaire hardly flinched. She opened the next test.

Again, the fucking waiting where the insecurities and worries and fears began to eat away at her. Why her? What the fuck was she going to do? Abortion. She'd have to get rid of it. Serena couldn't know. Serena would kill her.

Positive.

The next test. The peeing, the waiting, the deep breaths and crying. Blair hardly realized the tears were coming. She felt so stupid and weak for crying them. People got pregnant all the fucking time, right?

Positive.

Blair hurled the stick at her bathroom door. She picked the other two up and threw them as well, knowing she'd have to clean them up before Dorota could see them.

Her life was over, and this time she wasn't just being dramatic.


	14. Chapter 14

**The cussing in this chapter is a tad heavy. :0 Just a warning, in case it offends you. In one part there is quite a bunch of F bombs and godda*n bombs. This chapter made me kinda sad when I wrote it :(. Please review!**

Slowly, hesitantly, Blair Waldorf sat down on her queen sized bed and picked up her cell phone. She analyzed the numbers as if she had never seen a phone in her life. Should she call Nate first, or Serena? Both of them would most likely shit their pants, hang up on her, cuss her out. Whichever one. After a few minutes of deliberation, Blair decided on Serena.

She was always the one Blair fell back on, in the end.

The phone began to ring and Blair nervously brought a finger to her mouth, anxiously chewing on a nail. She'd though she had broken that disgusting habit, but obviously it had decided to return.

"Hello."

Serena's voice was hard and bitter, and it made Blair cringe and flinch but it didn't surprise her. She deserved Serena's hardness and bitterness, deserved it all.

"I have to talk to you, S." The letter didn't feel right coming out of her mouth, and before Blair even thought about it she cleared her throat and muttered, "Serena," as if to erase the fact she'd used the blonde's nickname.

Serena's tone turned even more sour, because she had noticed. "You weren't in much of a talking mood the last time we spoke, if i recall correctly."

Blair cleared her throat again, nervous and anxious. She bit at her nail more vigorously. "You do. I mean, you do recall correctly, I... I'm sorry Serena I just-"

"You haven't made an effort to speak to me for more than a week, Blair. And when I come see you because I can't even take the _agony_ of being away from you for a couple of _fucking_ days, you won't even talk to me. You know how shitty that is? I don't... I don't understand. You... just stopped calling."

"You didn't call me either, Serena," Blair snapped, massaging her temple with two fingers. She hadn't wanted for this to turn into an argument just yet, but she supposed it had been inevitable.

"I'm always the one who calls, Blair! I'm always the one who _fucking_ calls and texts and tries my heart out to make every little thing up to you. Maybe I'm tired of fucking _chasing_ after you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Blair's voice turned shaky. Her and Serena couldn't break up like this.

"Whatever you think it means," snapped Serena shortly.

"Please, Serena. I _need_ you."

"You had me."

Blair's eyes snapped shut and she squeezed them to keep them from leaking tears. "I know. And I fucked up, and I'm sorry. I really am." She didn't know how she could break the news to Serena without being the hugest asshole in the world. "I'm sorry for not calling. I'm sorry for being distant, I'm sorry for being mean to you when you came and saw me, I'm sorry for not fucking _being there_, I just... I found out something and I really need you right now."

"Found out something like what?" Serena's voice still hadn't lost its edge, and it made Blair want to bawl her eyes out.

"I..." She had to say it. She just had to say it. She had to _fucking_ say it. "I'm pregnant."

Blair clenched her fist when she heard the abrupt silence on the other end of the phone. "Serena. I-"

"_What_?" Serena breathed, the long whoosh of breath that followed the word letting Blair know the blonde had been holding her breath. "_What_? By _who_? _What_?"

Blair forced herself to utter the word, and her voice was so small and thin that she didn't recognize it. "Nate."

"Are you fucking _kidding_ me?" Serena hissed loudly, and Blair flinched but kept her mouth shut. She was the biggest piece of shit ever. "Are you sure?"

"I took 3 tests, all positive," mumbled Blair, resisting the urge to turn and punch a hole right through her wall.

Serena exploded, but her voice was suprisingly quiet, and Blair could tell she was holding back tears. That made it worse. "Oh my _god_. _Oh my god_. How _could_ you? What the hell is _wrong_ with you? I knew I couldn't trust you. I knew I couldn't trust you with him, and I kept trying to tell myself that everything would be okay and I just ignored it all but I _knew_. I knew you'd do this, Blair."

"I-"

"Shut up. Shut _up_. I don't wanna hear you fucking speak. Ever again in my life. You're such a goddamn _bitch_."

Serena's insult was like a punch straight to the gut and Blair gasped sharply. In any normal situation, someone calling Blair a bitch would hardly do damage, except possibly piss her off a bit depending on who had said it. But now, like _this_, coming from Serena's mouth in _that_ tone... it destroyed her.

"Serena please, I love you. I can't do this alone."

"Didn't I just say stop talking? You can't do this alone? Bullshit. Call up your fucking knight in shining armor. It's his goddamn baby after all. I doubt he'll even lift a finger to help you. You _made_ yourself be alone in this, Blair. Maybe for once you'll get what you fucking deserve. I'm done with trying to save you."

"I _need_ you to save me Serena!" screamed Blair, the tears beginning to fall rapidly. "You can hate me all you want but I _love_ you and I always have and I always will! I need you! I don't want Nate's goddamn baby. This was all just a _mistake_! If this baby can't be _ours_, then honestly I don't even fucking _want_ it!

"Better find a _fucking_ abortion clinic, then."

Blair went into the bathroom and made herself throw up 3 times when she heard the dial tone.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry Blair. I'm so sorry."

Blair didn't realize someone was holding her at first, had thought she was just dreaming. But when her eyes opened and she saw the long tan arms that were wrapped around her and the putrid smell of vomit hit her abruptly, she realized she was, in fact, awake.

She turned her head, and when her eyes met Serena's she was hit by a feeling she couldn't even describe. She was so fucking _in love_ with this girl.

"What?" Blair murmured, staring up at Serena, disoriented. What?"

"Oh my god. You're awake. Oh my god, Blair. I-I'm so sorry." Serena slipped her arms from around Blair and stood up, leaning over to flush the toilet that had apparently not been flushed after Blair's last puking session. Serena leaned down and pulled Blair up by her arm, leading her out of the bathroom and to the bed. Blair sat on it, slowly returning back to somewhat normal.

"What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't... leave you, Blair. I know what I said but I just _can't_. I didn't mean to say those things to you, B, I'm sorry. They were... _horrible_, and I can't believe I said what I said."

"I deserved them, Serena," Blair replied softly, putting her head in her hands. "I deserved all of them. Please don't take them back. _Please_."

"I have to be here for you," Serena said. "I know I do. I"m not saying I'm not pissed. I honestly pretty much fucking hate you, Blair. And I don't think I'll ever get over this. But I need to help you, as far as the whole pregnancy thing goes. And I'm ready."

"I love you," Blair said, wishing there was something better she could think of to say. "You're my world, Serena. I'm so sorry for doing this to you. I went out to the club with Nate and Vanessa and Dan. I was upset about not speaking with you and Nate invited me, and I got so drunk i couldn't even see straight and then I forced him to have sex with me. It's all my fault. I wish so much that I could take it back." She sighed as tears began to leak from her eyes, laying back down on the bed and covering her face with her hand. "I hate myself so much. I'm the biggest, most worthless piece of _shit_ ever."

Serena reached for Blair's hand and pulled it from her face, holding it tightly in her own. She didn't try to deny the brunette's statements. "It'll be okay. Have you told Nate?"

"Of course not. Who knows what he'll say." Blair stared at the ceiling with watery eyes and tear-stained cheeks, and the sight would have broken Serena's heart if it hadn't been broken already.

Blair's eyes traveled to Serena. "I don't even want him to know, Serena," she cried honestly. "I'd rather... get _rid_ of it."

"You're not going to do that," Serena told her firmly. "I won't let you." She sat back and laid down next to Blair, keeping their fingers locked and turning so she was facing the brunette. She leaned closer and as Blair turned to look at her, Serena pressed their lips together softly and slowly. It was a sad kiss, one that contained both of their grief and despair and the loneliness they had felt without each other. "I'll help you," Serena murmured, her nose pressed against Blair's and her eyes squeezed shut. "I promise on my life I'll help you through this." Her voice was shaky and Blair watched as a tear slipped from underneath her closed lid. "I don't know how I'm going to be able to, knowing it's Nate's baby, and you cheated on me with him when you told me so much that you _loved_ me. I don't know how I'm going to stop feeling so stupid when I think about how I gave my heart to you and you _shattered_ it. I don't know how I can think about you fucking him and... _touching_ him, while I was sitting at home alone, crying my eyes out, praying and _begging_ that you'd call just so I could hear your fucking _voice _again. I don't know how I'm going to overlook that. I probably won't. I don't know how I'm going to see your face and be around you when I can't stop thinking about what you did. I don't know how I'm going to get rid of this lump in my throat. I don't know how I'm going to get over this horrible feeling I have in my heart, how I just want to cry and cry when I look at you, and _never_ stop." Serena took a deep breath, looking deeply into Blair's brown eyes, her own eyes swimming with tears. "I don't know how I'm going to live with this. I don't _fucking_ know. But I will."

"I can't leave you again like that again. I won't. I can't stop talking to you ever again. I don't know what I was thinking. It was the worst time of my life. I will _never_ hurt you like that again. I can't live without you, Serena."

"I won't make you."

**... **


	15. Chapter 15

**Mmmkay, a couple things to clear up first. There's a short mention of suicide, and cutting. If that upsets you, you may want to avoid reading. It's really nothing serious, IMO, but just as a warning. Also, the comments about abortion are not meant to offend anyone or anything like that. I'm not in any place to say my feelings of abortion or what I think about it. This is just what I wrote for the story. And sorry if this chapter seems a little out of character or something for you guys, towards the end. I'm kind of a novice when it comes to relationships, etc., so I'm not sure if it's possible to become obsessed with them, or how dependent you can become on someone. And things like that. So I'm trying my best. You should see what I mean when you get towards the end... Please review, and maybe give me some tips/opinions/critiques. I'm honestly worried about this chapter. :/ I might actually rewrite it completely when I get some more time/inspiration.**

* * *

"So. What did ya come here for?" Nate asked Blair as they settled into the identical chairs that sat in his living room. They were seated so that they could face each other, and Blair sort of wished that they would have sat on the couch, side by side instead. Because then maybe the familiar smell and warmth of Nate would calm her if just slightly, and also she wouldn't have to look at his face while she told him her confession.

"Uh. I needed to talk to you," she said softly, said, chocolate eyes rising to meet blue ones full of questions.

Nate wrinkled his brow. "You couldn't have text me or told me over the phone?"

"No." Blair shook her head, gripped the armrest of her chair tightly. "No. It's important. Really important, Nate, and I don't want you to hate me." She felt her eyes start to tear up. How could she have let this happen to him, to them? She had tried carefully all of her life not to lose control.

"Hey," Nate said, startled at her abrupt almost-tears. "Hey. Okay, it's okay. Whatever it is, I won't hate you for it Blair. I promise. It's okay. What's wrong?"

Blair swallowed thickly. She tried to force her eyes up to meet Nate's, but they felt heavy as lead. She kept them trained on the carpet. She opened her mouth to speak, but Nate's phone made a chiming sound and she froze while he glanced at it quickly.

"I'll call her back later," he muttered after a moment, eyes swinging back to Blair's, which were now watching him closely.

"Who?" She asked, knowing she shouldn't pry, but not caring enough not to.

"Uh, Sophia. Her name's Sophia." Nate shifted in his chair, looking uncomfortable. He ran a hand through his hair. "Sophia's my new… girlfriend."

Blair stared at him blankly. "Your girlfriend."

"Yeah. Yeah, my girlfriend. Look, Blair-"

"No." Blair held up a hand to stop him from talking. She didn't want to hear his pity, his guilt. It was shitty that he had started dating another girl without attempting to check up on Blair after they had had sex. But Blair didn't want to think about this, about the fact that Nate had another girl while she was pregnant with his kid. "Forget about it. I just… I had to tell you this. I'm not trying to ruin… you or your life with your girlfriend, Nate. But…"

"But what?" Nate asked after Blair paused for a long moment. "What's wrong, Blair?"

"I'm pregnant," Blair breathed, watching his eyes widen and his mouth open in confusion and protest. "I'm pregnant, and it's yours."

"Wait." Nate stood up, took a step toward her. "Wait, what?"

"Remember?" Blair asks bitterly, staring up at him with eyes that weren't far from dead. "Remember? You. Me. The club. The sex? I hadn't had sex in a while before that night, Nate. There's no way that it's anybody else's."

"Shit." He turned away from her, and the action hurt Blair so much that it startled her. He kept his back to her, muttering curse words and pacing. He couldn't even face her. She felt her eyes begin to water.

"Nate. Nate, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault, I shouldn't have-"

"No." He replied firmly, finally stopping to look back at her. He took a step towards her quickly, aggressively, and it made her flinch. "This isn't your fault, Blair, don't ever tell yourself that." He watched as she finally began to cry, and he sat on the couch and motioned for her to sit by him. She did and cuddled into him, and he wrapped his arms around her. It felt so real and good that Blair forgot all about the fact there was someone named Sophia.

"What are we gonna do?" she whispered to him, voice mournful.

Nate was quiet for a moment before he decided the right thing to say. "I'll break up with her. I'll break up with Sophia and I'll take care of you. And the baby."

"No," Blair protested. "Nate, that's not fair."

"Please, Blair," he replied. "I'm not one to run away, okay? This is my responsibility just as much as it is yours. I'll take care of it, Blair. I'm not going to run away and leave you, or our child."

Blair sniffed. "I could always abort it," she said very, very quietly.

Nate sat up straighter. "No. Not an option."

"You're not the one with the fucking baby, Nate."

"I'm not letting you abort it, Blair. Everything will be fine, okay? We've got enough money to take care of a baby. Our parents can help, our friends, Blair it'll be fine."

Blair stared up at Nate, at his fraction of a smile and determined blue eyes that were so familiar to her. It broke her heart, because even though it was hardly noticeable, Blair saw it.

A little part of Nate wanted to run away.

* * *

"How did it go?" Serena asked from the bed when Blair opened her bedroom door.

Blair sighed, she went and sat next to the lounging blonde, crossing her legs and squeezing Serena's hand tightly when the blonde reached for her hand. "It went okay. He said… he said he's not going to run from it, and that he's going to help take care of me and the baby." Blair turned to Serena, wide-eyed. "He won't let me abort it, S. Or give it up for adoption or anything."

"Good." Serena nodded. "Good. You shouldn't Blair. That baby deserves a fair chance, just like everyone else in the world. Don't end a potential life because you don't know what will come of it."

"God, Serena." Blair brought her hands to her face and rested her hand in them. "This is going to ruin my life."

"Worse things have happened, Blair," Serena told her. "At least you have a boyfriend that's planning on staying. At least you have parents who are rich and live somewhere adequate enough for a kid to grow up. It could be a hell of a lot worse."

"He has a girlfriend," Blair said to Serena abruptly. "I feel horrible. He said he'd break up with her, but I don't want that. I don't think I do. That's kind of shitty, isn't it S? That he has a girlfriend after he just slept with me? I'm pregnant with his kid, and he has a girlfriend…"

"So do you," Serena said quietly. "You have a girlfriend too. Didn't change things, apparently."

Blair shut her mouth and bit her lip. "I'm sorry, Serena…"

"Yeah." Serena stood up and went to the purse she had perched on Blair's dresser, idly going through it. "Yeah, I know. Doesn't really mean much to say it anymore, you know. It still happened." She pulled her phone out and stared at it blankly when she noticed she had no new messages. She turned to stare at Blair. "No matter how many times you say sorry, you can't fix it."

Blair swallowed thickly and looked away. She waited until she felt Serena's weight sink back into the bed, until she turned and watched as the blonde settled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. "How can I fix it?" she asked softly, reaching for Serena's hand and wanting to flinch when Serena pulled her hand away.

Serena blinked. "You can't. At least, not right now. You can't." She shrugged. "So you don't." She turned her face away from Blair when the brunette tried to press her lips against Serena's cheek. "Stop."

"I can't even kiss you now?"

"I…I can't." Serena's eyes flickered toward Blair and then looked away. "I can't, not right now. Knowing you… I can't."

"I love you," Blair protested, grasping Serena's face between her hands. "I need you."

"Not like that," replied Serena, her eyes locked with Blair's. "Not physically."

"Okay. Okay, I won't kiss you." Blair stared at Serena in confusion, reaching for her hand again. Serena pulled her hand away. Again.

"Blair."

Blair needed to feel close to Serena, in any way she could. But Serena refused to even look at her, much less touch her. "I thought you had forgiven me," Blair replied, eyes snapping to focus on Serena closely. "I thought we were okay, S." She could feel the panic rising in her chest. Serena had to forgive her. Serena was her whole fucking world, and if Serena didn't love her anymore, Blair didn't know what she would do.

Serena breathed in slowly. "I told you I would help you with the baby, Blair. And I will. Helping you and forgiving you are two completely different things."

"Are you fucking serious?" Blair hissed, feeling all too much like she was losing control. She hated to not be in control, almost as much as she hated knowing that Serena hated her. She leaned toward Serena and gripped her upper arm, waiting until Serena's blue eyes were trained on hers. "I don't know what you want me to do, Serena! I can't take it back. I'm honestly so, so sorry, and I regret what I did. How long until you can forgive me? Are you going to hate me your whole life?"

Serena shrugged out of Blair's grasp, her eyes narrowing. "Grow the fuck up, Blair. No, I am not going to hate you my whole life. But do you think that a couple apologies and tears can erase what you did? Hell no. They can't. I said I would support you when it comes to the baby. You need me, Blair, and I know you do. So I'll help you. I know you can't take it back. I don't want you to."

Blair stood up, needing suddenly to be away from Serena and to be distracted from the way Serena was hurting her at the moment. She held her head as she felt it swirl. This was too much for her to handle.

"Are you going to faint?" Serena asked her calmly, glancing over at her from the bed.

"No." Blair squeezed her head between her hands tighter. She needed something to get rid of these damn_ feelings_. A pill, a drink something.

Her mind briefly flitted to the idea of suicide when she turned and her eyes caught the razor that was resting on her vanity.

She would do it, if it weren't for Serena and the baby.

Blair began to move towards the razor absently, picking it up to stare at it. She wasn't planning on doing anything with it, not really; she had never been much of a cutter, only dabbling with it once in middle school when she was so stressed out with Nate, Serena, drama, school, her mother, and her steadily emerging eating disorder, that she wondered if taking the sharp blade to her skin would actually dull the pain and anxiety. And it had, for a bit, until Blair's mom noticed the cuts on her arms a week later and immediately worried that they'd tarnish the Waldorf image. She'd warned Blair that if her "fake, teenage depression fad" didn't fade soon, she'd ship her off to boarding school or somewhere worse without a second thought.

Blair had stopped, long story short.

"Put it down." Serena's voice rang through the slight haze that was beginning to settle into Blair's mind. She wasn't depressed, or suicidal, and like Serena had said; things could be worse. So why did she so badly want to press that razor to her wrist again?

"Blair, put the razor down. You're being childish."

Her eyes snapped toward Serena. "Childish?"

"Yes," drawled Serena, "childish. There's no need to be dramatic, or throw a fit. Okay? We both know you don't want to hurt yourself because of this. So stop being stupid and put it down."

Serena thought she wasn't _serious_?

"I've cut myself before, Serena, you think I wouldn't do it again?" Blair asked. She didn't understand why her voice was challenging; she didn't need or want to prove to Serena that she really was frantic and anxious enough to use the razor.

"Stop, Blair."

Blair dropped the razor with a clatter. She hadn't wanted to do it, anyway; she wouldn't lose control like that in front of Serena.

She didn't know what she'd do when Serena wasn't there to rationalize with her.

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**EWPH. :/**


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry this chapter isn't TERRIBLY long, it's kinda short, but hopefully you guys think it's pretty good. the next chapters should be longer! I was gonna update this yesterday or earlier today but I didn't have a chance to, so I'm sorrrry! :/ But now that I'm on summer break, hopefully I will find more time to write. Please tell me what you guys think, I love knowing what's good and what's bad, and reading your reviews! I love you for emm! And this is dedicated to caramel sweetnezz. Thanks for being so supportive and i think we could become good friends! It was nice to meet you :D  
-Desiree**

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"What do you want?" Serena asked Blair as the pair strolled into their nearest Starbucks. Blair had painfully noted the whole way that Serena hadn't once tried to hold her hand or touch her in anyway. The physical, not to mention the emotional, separation was physically wearing away at Blair. She could barely sleep, and always felt like she wanted to cry. Add all that onto the overwhelming sensation of helplessness that choked her every time she thought of her pregnancy. If things with Serena didn't fix themselves, quickly, Blair knew that there was a possibility of her needing to be treated for depression.

"Carmel Frappuccino," she muttered, not caring about the unhealthy whip cream and sugar the drink carried. She picked a table to sit down, turning and watching the love of her life order their drinks. The tension between her and Serena was unwavering, and Blair knew that by suggesting they go get some coffee she was basically earning herself an uncomfortable couple of hours where she tried to talk things back to normal and Serena was half there and half not.

Serena plunked the cup on the table in front of Blair, snapping the brunette out of her reverie. She sat down opposite her with a cup of tea, which Blair eyed questioningly.

"I thought you usually got the Frappuccino, too?" she asked, confused. She knew she hadn't been to Starbucks with Serena in a long time, perhaps way before they got together. But a young, foolish part of her wished Serena still got the same drink. With the separation she'd been feeling between them, it would have been nice for at least one thing to stay the same.

Serena shrugged, her eyes catching Blair's swiftly and then flickering elsewhere. "Things change."

Blair nodded. "Okay."

Serena sighed, taking a sip of her drink and then twirling a lock of golden blonde hair around her finger. "So. Uh, how...how has your mom been?"

She didn't really care, and Blair didn't really know.

"I don't know," she answered after a minute. Serena knew that Blair rarely got involved with her mother's business, much less knew what she was doing. "Probably flew to another country for the week. Ya know. She's like that."

Serena nodded absentmindedly, tugging her straw in and out of her drink because she had nothing else to do.

Blair cleared her throat. "Are you going to Ryan's 4th of July party next week?"

Serena shrugged. "Are you?"

"Maybe." Blair wanted to say "if you go", but she held her tongue. They both knew that the only reason Blair would go to the party was if she went with Serena.

Serena ran her fingers along the edge of the table, looking everywhere but at Blair. Her eyes stopped on a particularly delicious guy who was ordering at the counter. Blair's eyes snapped to what Serena was staring at, eyeing the attractive guy before she turned and stared at Serena. Feeling her stare, Serena let her eyes travel down the length of his body, knowing it would piss Blair off. It was a mean and juvenile thing to do, really, but she couldn't help herself.

Blair slammed her cup down on the table loudly and Serena jumped, turning to stare at Blair sharply.

"Jesus," she hissed through gritted teeth, annoyed. "Could you please not try to attract the attention of the entire restaurant, Blair?"

"Sorry," Blair replied, in an angry tone that let Serena know she really wasn't. "That was cool what you just tried to do right there," she commented bluntly, jerking her head in the direction of the boy. "Trying to make me mad. _Mature_, Serena."

Serena snorted, rolling her eyes and leaning back in her chair, crossing both her arms and her legs.

"Paranoid, are we Blair?" she asked condescendingly. "I was just looking at him. You've got nothing to worry about." She pursed her lips and stared at Blair coldly for a long moment. "_I _don't _cheat_."

Blair seethed, choosing not to reply but instead sip her drink and look away from the blonde completely. After a couple of minutes she had partly cooled herself down. She heard Serena sigh.

"Look, Serena," started Blair. "I just wanted to talk or something."

"About what?" Serena asked, uncomfortable and frustrated. "We don't have anything to talk about."

Then Blair was frustrated. She couldn't blame Serena for being upset and mad about the whole situation, but why did she have to make it so damn _difficult_? "Gee, I don't know. The baby's a good place to start."

Serena stared at her. "What about it." She said dully.

"How's this gonna work? When are we going to tell people? What should I name it? What if I lose it? What do I _do_ about it?" Blair asked, firing the random questions that were all stopped up in her brain. She wasn't _ready_ for this.

Serena pursed her lips. "I don't know. It's your baby."

Blair clenched a fist and glared at the blonde. "You said you'd take care of it with me, Serena. You said you'd help me!" She knew she was being rude, expecting Serena to help take on something that wasn't even remotely her responsibility. It wasn't Serena's job to help with the baby; it was almost like a slap in the face for her to, because it was Nate and Blair's. Blair hoped that when the baby was born, every time she looked at it she didn't think about her cheating on Serena.

Serena raised an eyebrow, peeved. "Alright. And I will. The baby's not even fucking here yet, Blair, chill. You can handle some stuff on your own you know, or go ask the fucking father for some assistance."

"_Stop_ throwing that in my face," ordered Blair angrily.

"_Stop_ talking about it then," Serena retorted.

"What's this I hear?" a voice asked from Blair's left.

She closed her eyes for a second and bit her lip until she tasted blood. They should have been more fucking _careful_. Her eyes snapped open, ready to diffuse any problems there may be and promptly bitch out the loser who was trying to eavesdrop on them. If all else failed, she'd just have to kill the bitch. Her eyes traveled slowly from bottom to top while she tried to control some of her rage.

Brown boots, faded jeans, Indian looking belt, tacky bohemian top that looked like it was from a garage sale, a million chunky bracelets and necklaces, long, wavy black hair…

No. It couldn't-

"_Vanessa_?" Blair blurted, her eyes widening. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She and Vanessa had never been on such great terms, though lately they had been able to exist in a sort of mutual companionship, ever since the catastrophe with Nate. When she, Vanessa, Dan, and Nate had gone to the club it had been a tad awkward, but not much because they hadn't been together long before each couple went to do their own thing.

She and Nate's _thing_ had sure cause a whole lot of shit.

"Can I speak to you in the bathroom for a minute, Blair?" Vanessa asked sweetly, turning to give a curt smile to Serena before she turned and stared at Blair with her creepy grin. "Now?" She reached out and grasped Blair's arm, tugging the brunette up. "We'll be right back," she said to Serena, turning on her heel and dragging Blair to the bathroom.

"Why are you fucking spying on me, Abrams?" Blair spit once they were in the confines of the ladies restroom, turning on Vanessa immediately.

Vanessa role her eyes, crossing her arms and not looking scared in the least bit. "I wasn't. Look. I need you to do something for me."

"Why would I do something for _you_?" Blair asked, crossing her arms as well.

"You're the only one that can help me, Blair," Vanessa said, shrugging. She narrowed her catlike eyes. "I need you to take down someone." She smirked. "Jenny Humphrey to be exact."

Blair furrowed an eyebrow. "Why would you wanna take down your boyfriend's little sister?" Sure, her and Little J were not on the best terms either, but she no longer had a reason to despise the girl and try to make her life a living hell.

It had been fun while it lasted, though.

"She's such a little _bitch_," Vanessa said bluntly, turning and examining her hair in the mirror. After a second she spun around and crossed her arms again, leaning against a sink. "Let's say she has some...dirt on me from the past, when I first got together with Dan. She keeps threatening to send it to Gossip Girl. I don't know where or how she got her information." Vanessa sighed and examined her nails absentmindedly. "But it's pissing me off to no end."

Blair smiled. "Well after all, Little J learned from the best."

Vanessa rolled her eyes and made a disgusted noise in the back of her throat. "She's using it to blackmail me. Heavily. I think a social destruction is in order. And everybody knows when you need one of those, go to Blair Waldorf."

Blair smirked. "That is very true. But first, I need to know this dirt. And also what's in this deal for me. I'm not going to destroy little Jenny's life without something in return. A very _good_ something."

Vanessa's smirk matched Blair's. "I don't think you'll be needing to know either of those things."

Blair blinked. "Excuse me?"

Vanessa smirked again, and Blair grew even more confused. She had never seen this bitchy, conniving side of Vanessa before. Blair knew Vanessa was always preaching individuality and going on about how shallow and catty the girls of the Upper East Side were.

In the end, they were all the same inside.

"You're _pregnant_, Blair," said Vanessa slowly, like she was talking to a three year old. "I don't think you'd like that little secret getting out."

Blair heard herself audibly gasp. She wouldn't.

"You have no proof," she hissed, raising her chin.

Vanessa pulled out her blackberry and waved it around. "I recorded that shit, of course. You have to be prepared for whatever life brings you."

Blair felt herself slowly beginning to lose control. "How do you know I'm pregnant? Maybe I was lying."

"The conversation sounded pretty legit to me. And besides, I can tell by how angry you're getting. It's true." She pursed her lips in disappointment. "I only wish I could have stuck it out long enough to hear who the father was."

"How do you know I care about everyone knowing?" Blair asked, trying to every attempt to outsmart Vanessa. This wasn't supposed to happen; Blair was never one upped.

"I know you Blair," Vanessa admitted. "You don't want to be that hick girl that gets pregnant when she's 17 and has to drop out of school and get talked about for the rest of her life. That's not your style." She gave Blair another eerily cheerful smile. "So. I'm thinking next weekend, at Ryan's party? I'll give you until the end of the night to do something that publicly ruins Jenny. Make sure she keeps her mouth shut. If not, I'll send the video to Gossip Girl faster than it takes for you to snap a finger. Oh, and please don't try and talk to Jenny and somehow come up with a way to change my plans. You'll probably regret it. All I have to do is slip some anonymous reason to Gossip Girl about why you shouldn't be talking with her, or some drama you two are having, and if you even try anything you _know_ someone will post it on Gossip Girl as soon as it happens. And nobody else knows about this little deal, okay?"

The door to the restroom banged open, and a flustered looking Serena came through the door. "What are you guys _doing_ in here?"

Blair spun on her heel and grabbed Serena's arm tightly. "Nothing. We're leaving," she muttered, violently yanking Serena through the door in her anger.

"Remember, the end of Saturday night!" Blair heard Vanessa call cheerfully before the door slammed shut with a resounding thud.


	17. Chapter 17

**I've been sitting on this chapter for like 3 weeks. I just keep getting distracted! Sorry for the wait...hopefully this chapter will make up for it. I enjoyed writing it. :D I tried to put more of it in Serena's perspective, because music-kid3 requested it, and also because that's the way I had already started writing it! Haha:) Just a warning, it's kinda m-rated. So if you don't like ya know, sex, slightly rough-ish sex, and sex, then feel free to skip it! Nothing happens in this chapter that majorly adds to the plot line, and I know that sounds shitty but I missed S/B togetherness and I hope you guys did too! Sooo let me know what you think! The next chapters should be more drama filled, if that's what you're lookin for.**

* * *

"Hey, B?"

Blair walked out of the bathroom to her bed, where Serena was lying, blonde hair fanned out all around her. Her bright yellow tanktop was raised slightly, exposing a part of her flat stomach that Blair couldn't help but take notice of. She snapped herself out of it, forcing herself to focus on what Serena was saying. She hadn't called Blair "B" in what felt like forever, and hearing it now was like music to the brunette's ears.

"Yeah?" she asked, stepping closer to the bed.

Serena sat up and crossed her denim shorts clad legs, eyeing Blair like she was pondering something. She absentmindedly ran her finger along the bed sheet. "Um. You and Vanessa. You weren't..." She looked up and stared at Blair curiously. "You're not cheating on me or anything right?" She detested coming off desperate and paranoid, but the way things had been going she had to assume the worst.

Blair went to sit by her, reaching out for her hand. Serena, surprisingly let her hold it. "No," she said softly, squeezing the blondes hand. "I promise. Remember? I told you." She gave Serena a small smile. "I don't like other girls. I only like you."

Serena returned her half smile. "Yeah. Yeah, I know. It was silly of me to think that."

"No, it wasn't." Blair shrugged sadly. "I'm not the most reliable person to you right now, Serena. It's okay."

"What were you guys doing then?" Serena asked, eyeing Blair warily. "You looked pretty angry."

Blair sighed and bit her lip. She had been trying to avoid this questioning session ever since the meeting with Vanessa. The way home she had continuously asked Serena question after question and talked about everything she could think of, trying to keep Serena's mind off the whole restroom ordeal. "Uh. I can't... I'm not supposed to tell you," she told Serena softly.

Serena tensed. "There's something you can't tell me?" she asked. "Way to increase my suspicions, Blair," she muttered. "Thanks."

"I'm sorry, I just... Vanessa told me not to..."

"So you listen to what Vanessa tells you now?" Serena asked irritably. "Since when?"

Blair sighed. As long as she made Serena promise to keep the information a secret, nobody would ever know that she told her right? "Okay," she said hesitantly. "Fine. Vanessa said Jenny has some dirt on her, something about when she first got together with Dan, and has been blackmailing her with it. Vanessa decided to enlist my help by asking to socially ruin Jenny at Ryan's party Saturday." Blair bit her lip as she watched Serena assess her words.

"Well you can't ruin Jenny's life for no reason," Serena told her after a minute. "That's wrong, Blair."

"I have to do it," Blair insisted softly. "Vanessa recorded me talking about my pregnancy, and if I don't do it she'll send the video to Gossip Girl."

"We have to find a way out of it," Serena replied immediately.

"Since when do you care so much about fucking Jenny Humphrey?" asked Blair, agitated that Serena didn't fully grasp the complete helplessness Blair had in this situation.

"I don't," replied Serena, sighing. "I just think this whole thing needs to be avoided. If Vanessa can't deal with the consequences of her actions, that's her problem. Not yours." She squeezed the hand that was still magically wrapped around Blair's. "Not _ours_."

"I know," Blair sighed, "I just... I wish this hadn't happened."

"What?" Serena asked softly.

"The situation with Vanessa, the baby, me cheating on you, everything." Blair rolled her eyes, clenching a fist. "I guess we should go to the doctor soon, to make sure. I mean I'm pretty positive, but...yeah."

Serena watched as Blair's eyes watered. She took in her friend's paling skin, and the dark circles starting to form under her eyes. She hadn't noticed the way Blair looked lately, because she had carefully been avoiding eye contact with her in order to stay mad at the brunette. Despite Blair's obvious lack of sleep, she still managed to be the most beautiful thing Serena had ever seen.

God she missed her.

Serena had promised herself she wouldn't do this. In any other situation, Serena was always the one to forgive and forget first. Blair always held grudges and made Serena (and anybody else) beg for her forgiveness. Serena had made a deal with herself to fight against her forgiving nature in this situation. She was really, truly pissed and upset at Blair, but she knew it wouldn't be long before she would try to make things go back to normal. What Blair had done would have been unforgivable to any sane person. But not to Serena.

Serena opened her mouth, then closed it, and then opened it again. "Have you been sleeping all right?" A stupid question. They'd been sleeping in the same bed, although Serena had forced herself away from Blair and made sure every night that there was as much space between them as possible. She had heard Blair tossing and turning every night, watched as the brunette reached her arm towards the empty space between them when she was half asleep, even though she had quickly learned that Serena wouldn't be there.

Blair looked slightly confused at the question. "Um. Not really," she admitted. "Why...?"

Serena reached out and brushed the pad of her thumb underneath Blair's eyes, tracing the circles there. "It's apparent," she replied quietly. She hadn't planned on touching Blair again, so soon, but she missed it too much.

They needed to move on, or at least begin to.

Blair noticed the abrupt change in Serena's behavior towards her, and her eyes widened slightly in confusion. "It's just...it's hard. You know, sleeping. Because..." she trailed off. _Because you're not there._

Serena knew what Blair meant. It was becoming increasingly difficult for her to sleep as well, but she guessed her problem wasn't as severe as Blair's. "I'm sorry," she whispered after a minute, her hand sliding to the back of Blair's neck and suddenly pulling the brunette's head closer. Serena pressed a chaste kiss to Blair's lips, trying to start off the touching slow.

Blair stared at her. "What are you doing?"

Serena glanced down, her fingers tangling in Blair's hair. Neither of them had pulled away, so they were still close, their lips almost touching. It was a slightly awkward position to be talking in, but Serena hadn't been close to Blair in what felt like ages, and she needed them to be this close for right now.

"I just... I needed to touch you. It's been too long. I shouldn't have stayed mad for so long. I'm sorry, B."

"_No_," Blair told her firmly. She pulled away slightly so she could better look into Serena's blue orbs. "No, no, no. You should not be apologizing, Serena. I completely deserved it. I still deserve it." Blair bit her lip, hesitating. "Honestly, I don't think you should be forgiving me this soon."

"I _have _to," Serena replied, almost like she was pleading. "I can't help it. You know me, B. I don't hold grudges. Even something as big as this, I just... I can't." she sighed. "I've been incredibly immature, bitchy, and rude to you. And I'm sorry."

"Don't be," insisted Blair, leaning forward and connecting her lips with Serena's again, this time longer and slower. "Like I said, I deserved it."

"You don't anymore," Serena said firmly, staring at Blair to make sure the brunette's chocolate eyes were focused on hers. It was just too hard for Serena to stay mad at her best friend, too much. "And if I start being mean to you, or try distancing myself from you like that ever again, feel free to slap me out of it, B."

"A little kinky, aren't you S," teased Blair lightly, almost at the point where she felt she could joke around with the blonde, but not quite there.

Serena saw a slightly mischievous look flit through Blair's eyes, and her stomach clenched at its familiarity. She knew it was way to soon to be wanting to have sex with Blair; after all, they had just began to mend things. But it had been an eternity since Blair had touched Serena, and vice-versa. The fact that they had been sleeping in the same bed had done nothing to help matters, and sometimes the built up sexual frustration became too much for Serena. She was forced to resort to touching herself whenever Blair was not around, which happened very rarely. It had been enough for her to get by on, but always left her feeling guilty and lonely and miserable.

Masturbation could never make up for the touch of a real person, for the touch of Blair.

"Touch me," Serena blurted, her face turning red immediately following her outburst. She hadn't meant to sound so...urgent, or eager. But she was, and Serena had never really been one to hide her true feelings.

Blair stared at her, clearly taken aback. She blinked in confusion. "What...?"

"I'm sorry," Serena muttered, glancing away. Always the one apologizing.

"No," Blair interjected instantly, reaching out to touch Serena's shoulder. "No, it's just...I'm..." _Ecstatic_. _Relieved_. _Happy_. "Confused."

"It's been a long time," Serena said, her voice a touch wistful. "I just... I need you to touch me. And I wanna touch you, and I...I missed you, B."

Blair pulled Serena to her, wondering why the blonde was suddenly acting so weird and emotional. Shouldn't she be the emotional one, being pregnant and all?

"I missed you too, S," Blair said softly, turning her head and burying her face into Serena's hair. She breathed in the familiar scent of strawberries and vanilla, and instantly felt calm and a million times better than she had before. Serena smelt like...like home. Serena was Blair's home. She didn't need Nate, her mom, _anybody_. Just Serena.

Blair pulled back, her lips crashing against Serena's with an intensity that hadn't been seen in a long time. Her hand slid down Serena's neck to her chest, lightly palming her right breast. Blair felt Serena exhale sharply into her mouth at the touch, and she let her fingers linger for another moment before she moved on. Her hands couldn't stay still; Blair ran them over every inch of Serena's torso, memorizing the territory that had recently become so unfamiliar to her. She ran her hands up and down Serena sides, relishing in the dips and curves. God she had missed this.

"Shorts off, now," Blair murmured shortly, standing up and pulling her sundress over her head as quickly as possible. She watched as Serena struggled to undo the button on her shorts, fingers trembling. Their eyes locked, Blair's focusing on Serena's disheveled mane of hair and swollen red lips before they snapped back to her baby blues.

"Focus on what you're doing," Blair said quietly, unclasping her bra and yanking down her panties. There wasn't time to be sexy, to draw it out. Right now, Blair didn't wish to admire Serena taking off her clothes, she wished to admire what the blonde looked like without them.

"_Fuck_," Serena hissed in frustration, finally succeeding and practically ripping her shorts off. One of the things she liked most about their relationship was how spontaneous these kind of things happened. She tugged her tanktop up as Blair stepped forward and aided her in pulling down her underwear. Serena reached around to unclasp her bra, her eyes following Blair's path as the brunette trailed kisses up and down her thighs. She reached down and tangled her hand in Blair's hair, guiding her to stand up so that their lips could meet again.

Blair spun Serena so that her back was facing the bed, gently pushing her towards it. Serena let herself be pushed down on the mattress, her eyes following Blair's every move as the brunette straddled her. She felt the hot, slick wetness of Blair's center press against her stomach, and she inhaled sharply. She leaned up on her forearms. "Blair, let me-"

"No." Blair batted away Serena's hand, declining her offer to pleasure her first. She reached for Serena's breast, lightly pinching a nipple as she watched Serena sigh. Blair forced herself not to pinch harder, not to scratch or bite or hurt Serena in any way. A part of her was aching to act on her natural kinky desires, knowing how much they both liked the pain. But right now, she wanted this to be soft and sweet. It was the least she could do.

She leaned down and ran her tongue between Serena's breasts, their eyes locking before Serena was forced to close hers in pleasure and anticipation. Blair reached down through her legs, her hand sliding down Serena until her fingers came into contact with Serena's slippery core. She lightly ran her middle finger up Serena's slit, her eyes remaining focused on the blonde's face. Serena let out a small whimper, impossibly hot and eagerly awaiting more of Blair's touch. Her hips bucked sharply, and Blair felt her own hips buck involuntarily against Serena's stomach. She lifted a leg, getting off of Serena and sitting back on her knees beside her.

"I want you on me," Serena whispered hotly, reaching over and gripping Blair's thigh.

Blair knew she couldn't be in that position, on top of Serena, right now. She wouldn't be able to stop herself from humping the blonde's stomach, and quickly causing herself to orgasm. "I can't," she breathed, glancing down at her hand that was still resting right above Serena's pussy. "Plus I have a better angle this way." Her hand slid downwards, and she felt Serena jump as she brushed her entrance. She glanced back up at Serena hesitantly. "Do you want me...do you want me to put my mouth-"

"Not right now," Serena said, pulling Blair closer by the back of her neck. She kissed her briefly and then broke away slightly so she could look into her eyes. "Just...I just want you to use your fingers, and look at me. I wanna see your face while you do it."

Blair brought her lips to Serena's again, their tongues tangling as she slid two fingers into her wet center. She pumped them in slowly at first, entering Serena as deep as she could. Quickly, she increased her speed. She pressed her thumb against Serena's clit and Serena arched her back, her nails digging into Blair's shoulder. She was already so close to orgasm, it was almost embarrassing.

"I love you," Blair said, liking the familiar way it rolled off her tongue. It hadn't been the right time for her to say it for a while. "I love you, I love you, I love you." She knew Serena was close, and she leaned forward so that their foreheads were pressed together, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply. "Cum, S," she said softly, her eyes opening just as Serena's snapped close in ecstasy. Blair curled the fingers that were inside of Serena, knowing she hit the spot when the blonde cried out and arched her back. Blair continued pumping in and out as if her life depended on it, using her thumb to now regularly stimulate Serena's clit. She heard the wet, obscene sounds she was making as her fingers entered Serena, and she couldn't help but moan softly. She was getting off just by watching, hearing, touching Serena, and she knew she was also close to her own orgasm. Her hips bucked again involuntarily, this time meeting nothing but air.

Serena noticed, bringing her hand up so that she could reach Blair's pussy. It was an awkward angle, and Serena couldn't enter Blair, but she managed to rub her clit with her thumb and that was enough.

Blair gasped shortly, and after two minutes she was coming. Her eyes flew open, locking with Serena's as the blonde's orgasm followed not long after. Both wanted to shut their eyes but resisted the desire to, so they could watch the pleasure explode behind each other's pupils.

"I love you so fucking much," Serena breathed, her cussing side always coming out when she was horny. And, not surprisingly, she was still hungry for Blair's touch.

Blair pressed her face against the bed, her breathing slightly labored as she tried to collect herself. "I love you," she mumbled, hand finally sliding away from Serena's sex and resting on her flat stomach.

"That was surprisingly...gentle," Serena said after a moment. "For you."

"I made myself tone it down," Blair admitted, finally pulling her head up from the sheet.

"Why?" Serena asked, confused. "You know I like it when-"

"I know," Blair interrupted quietly, "it's just... I wanted the first time after...everything to be sweet."

Serena tugged Blair towards her, kissing her softly. "It was, baby. Thank you." Her hand slid around to Blair's ass, and she fondled it lightly.

Blair sighed as Serena bit at her bottom lip, feeling the blonde rub circles around her ass and knowing she wanted to smack it. Blair lifted herself so she was straddling Serena once again, already feeling herself getting more and more turned on as time passed. She ached for Serena's teeth against her, for the blonde to scratch her and spank her and choke her and vice versa. Serena immediately saw the change in Blair's attitude flicker through her eyes, and she laughed softly as Blair smiled. It was amusing how easily they could switch like this.

Serena's hands pressed against Blair's ass again and the brunette arched before she stopped straddling Serena, opting to remain over her on her hands and knees instead. "Do it," she hissed, sliding her hand up to Serena's throat and keeping it pressed there.

Serena didn't listen at first, her hands gripping the skin of Blair's firm ass and relishing in the way it felt. She had missed this. After a moment of intense groping she lifted her hand and quickly brought it back down, the loud smack and Blair's cry almost making her blush. She did it again, harder, the force of her hand jarring Blair's body forward. Her breasts hovered right by Serena's head because of the movement, and Serena lifted one hand from Blair's butt, bringing it to the brunette's breast and grasping it firmly. She pinched at the hardened nipple, twisting it tightly. "You like when I spank you?" she asked Blair quietly, twisting even harder when the brunette didn't respond immediately.

"Yes," hissed Blair, her hips bucking. "Yes."

"You do?" Serena teased, gripping a butt cheek firmly. "You little whore." She laughed, staring up at Blair as she closed her eyes in anticipation and removed her hand from Serena's throat, letting her have control. "Beg for it," Serena instructed.

"Please, S," Blair murmured softly, pushing her ass back against Serena's hand desperately. "Hard."

"I can't hear you," Serena sung, digging her nails into the skin of Blair's ass. "Beg _louder_." Seeing Blair like this, willing to do whatever Serena said and letting the blonde control her, was always something that caught Serena slightly off-guard. It was unfamiliar. Blair was always the one in charge, the one to listen to and not disobey. Serena was not naturally a dominating person, but in the bedroom some part of her that was began to emerge.

"Fucking _hit _me, Serena," Blair said loudly, wanting to blush at her words. "Please. I... need it."

Serena complied, smirking at the loud slap created. Blair cried out, burying her head in Serena's shoulder. Sometimes it was a hard task for her, to let Serena treat her like this, because even though she loved it, it wasn't the way Blair Waldorf _was_. She should be the one in charge, not anybody else.

Serena lifted her leg so that her knee was placed directly underneath Blair's pussy and the brunette immediately jerked her hips forward, desperate to feel some kind of friction and sate the desire rippling through her. "Fuck me, S," she breathed, grinding down against Serena's knee harder. "_Fuck_."

"You're such a naughty little slut," Serena taunted, abruptly grabbing Blair by her throat and pushing her sideways so that they rolled, and Serena was able to gain the upperhand as she hovered over Blair. She slid her hand slowly down Blair's torso, making sure to tantalizingly run her fingers down the tan skin as lightly as possible. Serena's fingers swept past Blair's entrance and she bucked her hips upwards forcefully. "Down, bitch," laughed Serena, entering Blair swiftly and deeply without warning. She pumped in three fingers as Blair moaned loudly, her back arching and fingernails digging into Serena's back.

"More," she gasped, twisting upwards towards Serena. "Harder. Faster. _More_."

Serena shoved in four fingers up to the knuckle, closing her eyes as she felt Blair's warm, velvety tightness close around her. "You're so fucking _tight_, baby."

Blair gasped loudly when Serena used her thumb to rub circles on her clit. "You're close, aren't you?" she said loudly, leaning down and enclosing a nipple between her plump lips. Blair plunged her hands into Serena's hair, clenching and grasping at it in ecstasy. She dug her nails into Serena's scalp and the blonde grunted softly at the biting pain. Blair's gasped loudly as the dam broke, her body arching as she experienced her second orgasm of the night.

Serena leaned towards her and their lips connected passionately, Blair slowly coming down from her high. "Your turn," she murmured, smirking as Serena eagerly got off of her so they could switch positions.

Blair slowly, seductively slid down Serena's lean torso, running her tongue down the blonde's stomach as Serena watched her with lust filled eyed. Blair reached up and grasped Serena's breast roughly, pinching her nipple before she dragged her nails down Serena's body. Blair closed her eyes briefly, enjoying the blonde's hiss of pleasure that resulted from the harsh press of Blair's nails against her soft skin. She continued her languid journey down Serena's body. Serena sighed softly when Blair pressed a kiss _there_, and her eyes were nearly rolling back in her head at the brunette's first lick.

Serena threw her head back and Blair brought her hand to Serena's throat once again, pressing down ad making Serena inhale sharply. She felt Blair break away slightly from her pussy, groaning when the forced press of a tongue was replaced by the feather-light tickle of Blair's breath.

"Look at me," Blair hissed, and when Serena did she slapped her, hard enough to leave a sting. "Good girl."

Serena's hips bucked and she reached for Blair's hair, gripping it like a leash.

She was _so_ glad they had made up.

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**Good****? Not good? I rarely like to read over my sex scenes more than a couple times, because I find them slightly embarrassing. Please review!**


	18. Chapter 18

"Maybe you should call her, B," Serena told Blair softly, hesitantly holding out Blair's cell phone.

"I told you, Serena," spat Blair angrily, closing her eyes and wishing the bed would just swallow her up so she could die. "It's nonnegotiable."

"How hard can it be to at least try to negotiate?" Serena reasoned, her convincing tone _not_ convincing Blair. "It's Vanessa. She didn't grow up from around here, B, you've got the advantage. Influencing and controlling people is what you do-" Blair glared sharply at Serena and the blonde immediately backtracked. "Well what I _meant _was-"

"I don't want to hear it, S," Blair sighed dramatically, placing her arm over her face and acting perfectly like the ultimate damsel in distress. "I'm just going to have to suck it up and do some damage to poor Little J."

"Oh my God, you're such a drama queen," said Serena, exasperated. "Oh, hey! Perfect solution. I'll call Jenny, tell her to tell us whatever secret she has on Vanessa, and then V's threat to you won't be valid anymore." She reached for Blair's cell phone. "Don't know why we didn't think of this sooner."

Blair's arm remained over her face, and she rolled her eyes even though Serena couldn't see her. "She's probably listening in on my phone calls," she muttered.

Serena pursed her lips and scrolled through Blair's contacts until she found Jenny's name, pressing the call button. "It's _Vanessa_, B, not the fucking FBI." Blair's hand reached out and smacked Serena on the leg and the blonde laughed, grasping it tightly with her own. "Yeah, Jenny? Hey. Um...Blair and I ran into a little trouble with Vanessa, and…we came to know that you have some information on her that you've been holding against her. What is it?" Serena listened for a minute before she opened her mouth and then closed it again. "Why do we need to know...?" She glanced at Blair hesitantly, who was watching her with big eyes. The brunette shrugged.

"You can't tell her why," she hissed, frowning.

"We just do. Vanessa and Blair are having a little problem, and she's forcing Blair to ruin your social life." Serena bit her lip realizing how stupid she sounded. "Uh, I can't really explain it, it would just be better for everyone if you tell us what you know. Jenny, I know we're not on the best of terms but if you could just-" Serena sighed and looked over at Blair, bringing the phone away from her mouth so Jenny wouldn't hear her. "She said the whole point of blackmailing someone is knowing information on them that nobody else knows. And since she doesn't really trust me, and especially doesn't trust you...she won't tell me."

Blair clenched a fist, reminded of how much she disliked Jenny all over again. She suddenly didn't care so much that she'd have to destroy the little whore. "Hang up on the bitch. Her social destruction will be the consequence, so why should we care."

Serena listened, tossing the phone on the bed with a sigh. "I still don't think you should cause her, or her reputation or social status, any harm," she advises Blair slowly. "I mean sure, she can be a bitch but c'mon B. You're better than that."

"Serena you are _not_ helping so just stop talking," huffed Blair, rolling over so that her face was pressed into the pillow.

Serena glanced at the clock. "It's 1:30. I'm supposed to go meet my mom for lunch soon. Maybe you could..." Serena trailed off, biting her nail.

"Maybe I could _what_?" questioned Blair, pulling her head up and turning to stare at the blonde.

Serena shrugged a tan shoulder. "Maybe you could go see Nate? You know...talk to him about...everything that's going on."

"I can't tell him about the Vanessa thing," Blair protested.

"Well, I mean like talk to him about the baby and stuff," Serena amended. "He's gonna have to be there for you a whole lot after this, so maybe he should start now. And while you're at it, you should probably make a doctor's appointment."

Blair sighed, neither of those ideas sounding fun or particularly appealing. Right now she wanted to just lay there and feel sorry for herself. She had until next Saturday to figure out what to do about the Vanessa thing. It was eight days away, and she tried to remind herself that so she didn't feel too frantic and out of control. "Can't I just stay here and wait for you to get back?" she whined.

Serena leaned over her and pressed a brief, closed-mouthed kiss to Blair's lips. "No," she replied shortly, standing up and combing through her mussed hair with her fingers. Within a minute it was already perfectly messy, reminding Blair of her jealously that Serena's beauty was so effortless and accidental. Serena traveled into the bathroom to quickly brush her teeth, and then came back out and tugged off her top, going to borrow one of Blair's. She didn't bother to change her shorts; she didn't have any extras and Blair was too short for her shorts to fit Serena right. "I'm serious, B," she called from the closet, walking back out in just her bra to stare at the brunette pointedly. "It'll be good for you to talk to someone else. Get your ass up."

"I don't have to do what you tell me to do, Serena." Blair had been about to pull herself off the bed, but decided to stay right there to prove her point. Who did Serena think she was, ordering her around?

"Oh, I think you do," Serena retorted, raising an eyebrow. She walked back into the closet and came out a minute later with a blue tank top on, one of the few simple clothing items Blair owned. "Because if you don't, you'll regret it later tonight."

Blair lifted her head to look at Serena and roll her eyes. "Your little attempt at a "threat" isn't working."

The blonde pursed her lips and walked towards the bed, crawling slowly towards Blair and pressing a kiss to the exposed skin of her stomach where her shirt had ridden up. She felt Blair's stomach clench and she smiled. "I think it is. Get your lazy ass up and go talk to Nate, or I will absolutely, positively, _not_ put out for the next week."

Blair stared her down, refusing to move.

"You'll regret it Blair," Serena sang happily. "I won't touch you, let you touch me, or anything. Now make the smart decision."

"It's still not working," replied Blair defiantly. "We both know you can't hold out that long."

"I did when we were fighting, didn't I."

Blair swallowed. "Fine. Fine, but only because I want to, not because you're telling me to." She pushed Serena away from her and swung her legs over the bed, standing up and stretching languidly.

"Good girl," Serena told her.

"We'll see who's a good girl tonight," Blair said over her shoulder, going to the bathroom and brushing her teeth. "I have to take a quick shower," she called out when she was done. "So bye, have fun with Lily."

Serena pushed herself off the bed and went to stand behind the brunette, smiling at her in the mirror. She brought her arms around Blair's torso, resting her hands on her stomach. "Bye," she said quietly into Blair's ear, kissing it softly.

Blair shivered, the blonde's cool breath tickling her. Her eyes met Serena's in the mirror and then dropped down to her stomach. "I wish it was yours," she said abruptly, feeling herself blush.

Serena smiled, her hands rubbing the spot on Blair that would soon grow to accommodate another human. "Me too," she agreed quietly. "But it's not, and it couldn't be." She pressed a kiss to Blair's cheek. "It's not mine biologically, but in any other aspect it is."

Blair turned in Serena's arms, leaning up so that her nose was touching the blonde's. "You're right. I love you."

Serena kissed her lightly, bringing a hand to her cheek. "I love you too. Have a good time with Nate, okay?"

Blair nodded. "I'll try." She watched as Serena kissed her again and then went to grab her purse, shutting Blair's bedroom door behind her. She turned to look at herself in the mirror, her eyes zeroing back in on her stomach. She still couldn't believe she was pregnant. Blair shook her head, going to take a shower.

* * *

Blair held her breath as she walked into Nate's place. She hadn't thought to call beforehand, and she hoped that it was okay for her to stop by. She walked to the living room to find Nate on the couch, watching, believe it or not, The Lion King. Blair resisted the urge to laugh out loud. He had always loved that movie, but she didn't know he still watched it. She watched as he glanced up at her, realizing that he wasn't alone.

"Oh, hey Blair," he greeted her, swiping quickly at his eyes. "What's up?'

"Are you _crying_?" Blair asked incredulously, holding back a smirk.

"No," Nate said defensively. "Alright, maybe a little." He shrugged sheepishly. "Mufasa just died. You know that's a sad part."

"No," replied Blair, laughing openly and going to sit beside him. "I don't."

Nate rolled his eyes and turned the movie off. "So, what's going on?"

"I just...I wanted to talk to you. About..." Blair hesitated. "Well, you know."

"Yeah," Nate nodded, staring far-off like he was thinking about something. "Hey." He turned to Blair abruptly. "Before...before we talk about that, can I tell you something?"

Blair furrowed her brow. "Yeah, sure."

"Well, you know how I had a...new girlfriend?" he asked her slowly, avoiding eye contact.

"Yeah." Blair tensed. Oh, God. Was his girlfriend pregnant? Oh, that would just be the icing on the cake.

"Well first, I broke up with her after I found out about the," Nate swallowed and forced himself to say it, "_baby_."

"Oh," Blair replied, feeling happy inside and also guilty that she cared that much. She tugged on the ends of her long, brown hair nervously. "And...?"

"You know how I said her name was Sophia?" Nate said quietly, his voice dropping lower and lower with each word. He ran his hands through his hair, uncomfortable.

Blair watched as he shifted around, clearly nervous. "Yeah," she replied again slowly. "_And_...?"

"Her name's not really Sophia," Nate said, cracking his knuckles, another nervous habit of his. "I made that up."

Blair repeatedly clenched and unclenched her fist, waiting for Nate to just spit it out already. "So what's her name then?" she asked after a minute. It was clear that Nate needed a little push to finally complete his confession to her.

"It's a secret, Blair, you can't tell anyone," he pleaded, staring desperately into her dark, suspicious eyes. "I mean it's over now, and it only happened for a little but still. And it wasn't exclusive or anything. She wasn't really my girlfriend, just a...side thing."

"_Tell me_, Nate," she commanded loudly, aggravated. "Who was it?" Nate looked away and she grabbed his arm. "Look at me."

"Vanessa," Nate said softly.

Blair froze, her mouth open and wide eyes staring holes through Nate. She didn't blink for one whole minute, and Nate, scared, waved a hand in front of her face.

"Blair? Blair..."

"Vanessa?" Blair finally spit, looking disgusted and confused and incredulous and offended and annoyed. "What the _fuck_ Nate? You were screwing Vanessa? Fucking Vanessa _Abrams_? What the hell? Are you _dumb_? Is there something _wrong_ with you? I'll do whatever I can to help you get it treated, 'cause I mean..._God_. _Vanessa_?"

Nate covered her mouth with his hand. "You're rambling. We only had sex twice, Blair, it's not like...it was more like...a hook up but without the sex. I know that doesn't make sense, I just...I don't know...I liked her and she liked me and I felt bad for doing that to Dan, which is why it's a secret, and _will_ _stay a secret_," he said, looking at her pointedly, "but I don't know. It lasted a month or two…that's why she was the first one to find out about my overdose; she was coming over to see me and… I thought I cared for her. But I care for _you_ more. So when you told me about your pregnancy, I decided I needed to set my priorities right. And Dan in _no way_ deserved that done to him. So I broke up with her, and I'm ashamed for doing it. Dan's a good guy. I promised V I wouldn't tell him about our...fling, but I hope he figures out soon that she's not as honest as she seems."

"I...I can't believe this," Blair said quietly, still dumbstruck.

"I know. I'm sorry, Blair. I _really_ am. It was stupid of me."

"Yes," Blair agreed. "Yes it was. But right now, I have to go. There's some business I have to take care of." She forced herself out of her shock, standing up and kissing Nate on the cheek. "Sorry to rush off. I promise I won't tell your secret, Nate." She placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it softly. "I'm really glad you told me. Thank you." He smiled and nodded and Blair attempted to smile back, but at the moment she was way too focused on something else. She glanced at him once again. "I'll deal with you later," she said, making sure he knew this was far from over.

"Can't wait," he said, smiling crookedly even though her words made him nervous all over again.

Blair turned and stalked out, her heels tapping menacingly on the hardwood floor.

She had some business to take care of, alright.

* * *

**:O Sooo I wanna thank everyone that reviews, and if you want you can skip over this, buuuuut I don't usually do individual shout-outs or anything but I felt like it so:**

music-kid3: **thank you thank you thank you for all your reviews :) I love how you say specifically what you like and don't like so much. :D **

blahys: **you've been there since like the beginning and thank you so much for faithfully reading, reviewing, and enjoying. :)**

LeftWriter224: **I realize you're a new reader of the story lol and I want to say thank you for reading and reviewing! I totally agree with you, Vanessa is annoying. My opinion of her probably comes through in my writing lol oops ;) but I still dislike Jenny more.**

caramelsweetnezz99: **You already know I love you! Thanks for being so supportive and reading all the chapters and reviewing them! You're great hehe :D**

: **I haven't heard from you in a while, so idk if you're still reading but I hope you are and thanks for the reviews!**

ronan03: **I haven't heard from you either in a long time, but I would like to say thanks for all of your reviews and support with not just this story, but my other ones! And also for that advice you gave me when I wasn't sure if I was making 2 accounts. Lol, I hope you're still enjoying!**

santur: **I'm not sure if you'll see this but thank you for reading and reviewing! I hope you're still enjoying this story! :)**

The Head Reviewer: **I was pretty psyched that you reviewed, even if it was only once…I mean your pen name suggests that I should be pretty excited right…? :D**

Jits: **Thank you, hope you're still enjoying!**

Love-Knows-No-Boundaries-101: **Thank you! Oh and btw I love your name! :D**

chozinha: **Thank you so much! I'm glad you thought the sex scene was okay, lol, I think mine suck but I foolishly continue to write them hahaha.**

kikis2: **Thanks for your reviews! Nate is gorgeous isn't he :D oh and no worries, you are not a lazy ass reviewer at all! **

Aeryn Mackenzie: **Thank you! I appreciate that you reviewed:) Oh, and is "Aeryn" your name? Because if it is, I looooove the way you spell it :D If it's not….well then…I'm just gonna awkwardly shut up now.**

Anuka21: **Thanks! It's good to know some people enjoy my sex scenes lol… **

nisha80: **Thank, thank, THANK YOU for reviewing basically every chapter! I hope you're still enjoying! You're thing about Nate seeming like he's not telling the truth is what gave me the idea for it to be Vanessa. So really, I OWE YOU FOR LIKE THIS WHOLE CHAPTER SO THAAAAAAAANKS!**

JanaeH: **Thanks so much! :D**

AMN213: **Thanks for all your reviews! I'm not a big Vanessa fan either lol. But you like Jenny? Say whaaaaaaaat? Blair can destroy her for all I care :) hahaha just kidding, don't worry!**

hazel: **Vanessa is annoying, boooooo V!**

gagamonster: **Thanks! I'm glad you like it. Oh, heeeeeeey, you like lady gaga too? OMG KEWL.**

Nimuriel: **I would write a really long response - but I think three words. YOU ARE AMAZING! (See what I did there?) haha just kidding, but ohmygosh your review made me smile! I'm glad you think the dialogue is good, because sometimes when I read over it, it just doesn't sound too good to me and then I freak out and feel shitty so yeah, THANKS! :D **

LonerInDisguise: **Another fan of my sex scenes, eh? This keeps getting better and better! Thank you for finding them hot and complimenting my shitty writing skills like OMG you're awesome :)**

AnonymousReader: **Totally fine that you didn't review! I'm just glad you're enjoying it! That's all the matters :). (who am I kidding we all love reviews but this time I'm seriously just glad you're enjoying it so don't feel bad for not reviewing it lol). I hope you're still reading!**

SaberGirl1005: **Thanks a lot! I hope you're still reading and enjoying the story!**

heeyitsme: **Thanks :) and as far as the baby thing….we'll see… ;)**

HauteCouture09: **Thank you! And I like your name!**

lkj: **I updated :D**

hetereader:** I agree it's not healthy, but Serena couldn't help herself! I agree with your thing about a real friend, and I'll keep that in mind!**

ahh: **YOU'RE KIND OF REALLY AMAZING AS WELL:) Thank yaaaa!**

**I think that's everybody! If I forgot you, feel free to bitch me out. :D**


	19. Chapter 19

**No, to those who asked, this story is not over. Life has seriously been so busy for me ever since I started junior year. I'm swamped with homework almost every night, and so far I've been doing something with friends on the weekends or taking time to hang out with family and stuff. At first I had like NO time to write, and then when I was managing homework a bit better, I was kind of unsure what to write about. Writer's block is just great, right? But i have a laptop now so hopefully it'll be easy to write more frequently! I sincerely apologize to all of you, but don't worry that this story is over. I'll make it fairly clear when it is/when I think it's going to be. Anyway, I am so sorry! I'm hoping this long-ish, sex-ish but still plot-ish chapter makes up for it?**

* * *

"Vanessa? Yeah, we need to talk." Blair's heels clacked loudly as she strolled into the nearest coffee shop. She didn't stop to order something, instead opting to take a seat by a window and tap her fingernails impatiently. "What are you doing right now?" Not giving Vanessa time to answer, Blair said, "Nothing? Great. Come meet me at the Starbucks near my place. Now." Blair smirked as Vanessa warned her to watch it; the Brooklyn charity case had nothing to hold against Blair any longer, and it made the brunette feel free. She snapped the phone close and slid it into her purse.

Blair couldn't believe Nate had messed around with Vanessa. Vanessa of all fucking people. She supposed it was a bit fortunate though; because of their little fling, she was able to get a hold of information on Vanessa that would stop this little game the Brooklyn bitch was trying to play at.

Blair sighed. Everybody always had to learn the hard way; Blair _always_ won.

She heard her phone ring and snatched it out, dreading that it was Vanessa telling her she couldn't make it for some reason or another. Blair would have to force her there then, and she would much rather not exert too much energy on this.

When her phone flashed "Serena", Blair blew a sigh of relief and picked up the phone.

"B?" Serena said on the other line, and even that one syllable was enough to send Blair into an idiot grin fest. She was still insanely happy her and Serena had made up.

"Hey," she replied, still smiling and glad Serena wasn't there in person to see her. It was embarrassing how happy the girl made her sometimes. She actually shoved her fist to her mouth and kind of bit it softly, trying to stifle the smile. People probably thought she was nuts. "What's going on?"

"I'm about done at lunch. Where are you? Did you talk to Nate?"

"Yes, I stopped by briefly. I'm at Starbucks right now. Have some..._business_ to attend to."

"Blair..." Serena started, taking notice of Blair's tone. "What are you doing?"

"Just doing what needs to be done, S. Don't worry. I'm going to take care of this little Vanessa problem and then we can celebrate that there's one less stressful thing in our lives. Sound good?"

"Sounds great, as long as you don't kill her," Serena deadpanned, and all Blair could do was roll her eyes.

She glanced up towards the entrance, seeing Vanessa stroll coolly through the door. Blair didn't call out, letting Vanessa's wandering eyes search for her instead. "Speaking of the bitch, here she is now," she said lowly into the phone as Vanessa's eyes caught hers, Blair watching as she made her way to the counter to order a coffee.

Serena clucked her tongue chidingly. "Play nice, baby."

"Now when have you ever known me to do that?" Blair asked, smirking. Her stomach involuntarily clenched at the fact that Serena was telling her what to do, because in the real world she couldn't fucking stand it, but right now all it did was remind her of the way Serena told her what to do when they were in bed, and then she was furiously blushing when she decided_ that_ she could stand. She was brought down to earth by Serena's voice filtering through the phone.

"Blair," Serena said, her tone a warning if Blair had ever heard one.

"I promise I won't destroy her," sighed Blair reluctantly.

"Good girl. See you soon, and I love you."

Blair's stomach twisted at that, kind of because of the "I love you" part and the fact that she would be seeing Serena soon, but mostly because of the "good girl" part. She shook her head as if to remove her mind from the gutter and replied,"Yeah," eyes narrowing as Vanessa approached. "Love you." She pressed the end call button and glanced upwards as Vanessa settled into the chair across from her.

"So," Vanessa said, plunking down her coffee and interlocking her fingers together. She had a smug air about her that immediately pissed Blair off and made her bite her cheek to refrain from snapping at her too early in the game. She hated to admit it, but she missed the old Vanessa, the one who didn't meddle and was a little naive to the way Upper East Side girls worked. At least then when Blair made fun of her, Vanessa didn't have the wits to fight back.

"Glad you could come, Vanessa," Blair said, allowing herself to smile smugly as well. She forced herself to take the bite out of her words and play nice like Serena had told her to. It was so fucking hard, though, when all she wanted to do was smack the little smug smirk right off of Vanessa's damn face.

"It's my pleasure." Vanessa took a sip of her iced coffee, her words letting Blair know that it really wasn't. "And why am I here?"

"I wanted to talk to you about this little thing about Jenny."

Vanessa's smile returned. "What about it? Don't tell me you've tried to come up with a way to get out of it."

"Oh I wasn't going to say I've tried to come up with a way," Blair laughed, "I was going to say I _have_ come up with a way."

Vanessa quirked an eyebrow, leaning back in her chair. She tried to look nonchalant but she began tapping her fingers on the table, an act that Blair's practiced eye picked up and let her know that Vanessa was nervous. "And that would be...?" she asked slowly,

Blair smiled, leaning forward across the table and resting her elbows on its cool surface. "Today, I went to Nate's house." Blair sighed, twirling her hair and purposely trying to draw this out and annoy Vanessa. "He was watching The Lion King. He was crying because Mufasa died."

"That's fucking wonderful," Vanessa said flatly, trying to hold in her anger. "What a cute story."

"What's _cute_ is how you thought you could go around fucking Nate and nobody would find out," Blair said sweetly.

Vanessa's jaw clenched and she stared at Blair without moving for what seemed like an eternity. Finally she blinked and opened her mouth, then closed it again. She opened it back up. "What?"

"You heard me. My nice little visit to Nate provided me with just the information I needed to knock you down on your ass." Blair smiled and leaned back smugly, matching Vanessa's previous pose. "Your move, Brooklyn."

"I don't even know what you're talking about," Vanessa protested, taking a nervous gulp of her drink before slamming it back down on the table.

"Please, Vanessa," snorted Blair. "The time to play dumb has passed. I know it's the truth. So how about I keep quiet about your little whore-ish ways, and you forget about this little pregnancy thing you heard. Because I really don't think you want me telling Humphrey about what you did behind his back. It would break his heart, and then he'd break yours."

Vanessa's mouth plopped open and she stared. "But how..."

"How do I always win?" Blair interrupted, smiling. Her voice held ten times the smugness that Vanessa's had in the beginning. "Not sure. My talents amaze even myself."

"But why would Nate tell you?" asked Vanessa, her tone incredulous. This wasn't making sense to her, and she was clueless, and Blair smiled because she fucking loved it when she left the enemy clueless.

Blair shrugged. "That is not relevant to this discussion. Now," Blair stuck out a slender hand towards Vanessa across the table, "do we agree that this all remains between us?"

Vanessa's mouth set in a firm line and she rolled her eyes. "Fine," she spat, refusing to shake Blair's hand. "Agreed."

"Good." Blair stood up, smoothing down her prim, navy blue skirt and fixing her wavy brunette locks. "Great doing business with you," she replied happily before she "accidentally" knocked over Vanessa's coffee into her lap and strolled out.

* * *

When Blair returned to her house Serena was already there, watching TV in her living room as if she herself lived there. In a way though, she kinda did. The blonde turned her head when the elevator's ding signaled Blair's arrival, a smile lighting up her face when Blair came towards her, taking off her shoes and coming to sit beside her.

"How did it go?" Serena asked, immediately kissing Blair as soon as her butt made contact with the couch.

Blair smiled. "Fucking fantastic, if I do say so myself," she answered, dark eyes bright with triumph.

Serena grinned proudly, intertwining her slender fingers with Blair's. "You always win, B."

"Not all the time," Blair corrected. She squeezed Serena's hand.

"Did you make her cry?" Serena teased her. "Did you _enjoy_ making her cry?"

"Shut up, S, "giggled Blair. "She didn't cry. At least, in front of me she didn't. She may have cried after I walked out and accidentally spilled her coffee into her lap."

"Blair!" admonished Serena, hitting her in the stomach lightly.

"It was an accident!" Blair protested with a sly smile.

Serena scoffed. "I told you to play nice!"

Blair rolled her eyes and sneered playfully. "Since when do I listen to you?"

"I can think of a few times," Serena murmured hoarsely as she came closer, kissing Blair and then breaking away so that they're noses brushed. They kissed again. She felt Blair smile as the brunette placed a hand on their shoulder and broke away, sighing as Serena continued to kiss her neck. When the blonde's hand ghosted across Blair's skirt-clad crotch, Blair gripped Serena's wrist, preventing her hand from advancing.

"Please," whimpered Serena, her bottom lip puckering out in a way that made Blair's eyes roll heavily. "I've been waiting for it for hours."

"You're insatiable," Blair whispered. "We just had sex last night."

"Last night was a long time ago," protested Serena, wistfully eyeing her girlfriend.

"Goddamn. You're like a teenage boy," Blair grumbled, a smirk touching her lips to let Serena know she was kidding.

Serena laughed reluctantly at that, the corners of her bright eyes crinkling. "Well fuck you."

"_Literally_," included Blair, rolling her eyes when Serena's hand slid up her arm.

"So what?" Serena asked honestly, shrugging. "So what you turn me on? You make me wet just from looking at you, B." She bit her lip and Blair's stomach clenched. "Of course I wanna have sex with you whenever I can."

Blair blushed, ducking her head so Serena couldn't see the embarrassment bloom across her face. It was nice to know she was wanted. "Thanks, I guess."

"Hey," Serena said, taking Blair's chin and tilting her head up, containing a smile when she saw the red tint to the brunette's cheek. "You're welcome. Do you want me like that too?" she asked curiously, hesitantly.

"What a stupid question," Blair whispered, taking Serena's hand and pressing it under her skirt, through her panties to her center. Serena inhaled when she felt the heat there. "Of course," answered Blair, smiling.

"Then why..."

"It's not that I don't want to," Blair stressed. "I really, really do. I mean all the time. I promise. I just find it funny how bad you want it too, and...how you're different than me in the way that you're less likely to hold it in. It's nice to feel...like you _want_ me."

"Well I mean, look at you..." Serena trailed off, biting her lip harder, and when Blair thought of other things Serena liked to bite she immediately felt...hot and anxious and _needing_ it much more than Serena did. Her eyes turned dark and she squirmed slightly, trying to contain herself as much as she could. But already she saw this shit-eating grin working its way onto Serena's flawless face.

Serena moved closer and right before their lips touched she muttered, "Shit," and pulled away. "I forgot to tell you. If I don't tell you now I'll just forget again."

"What?" Blair asked, studying Serena closly, noticing how she was fidgeting.

Serena abruptly reached out and put a slender hand on Blair's flat stomach, staring at it thoughtfully before blue eyes shifted back to dark ones."I made you an appointment," she said after a moment, looking back at Blair's stomach and then back up aagain. "I know you don't like me taking control of things, at least out of the bedroom anyway, but I just...I really want to be as supportive as I can but I need to make sure it's real first, and...and i was looking at the phone and the thought just crossed my mind so i did it impulsively so we could get it over with and I'm sorry if you don't want to go, I just..."

"Shh. Baby," Blair said carefully as Serena stammered on, offering a sharper "_Serena_," when the blonde didn't listen. She wasn't mad, but she didn't have the patience to wait around for Serena to continue to apologize and not listen to a word she had to say. Serena looked at her with wide eyes, noteing the sharpness of Blair's voice and Blair watched as her lower lip trembled slightly. "I'm not mad at you," she told Serena softly, reaching for the blonde's hand and gripping it tightly. She traced circles on the back of Serena's hand with her thumb until she could visibly see her relief. "I've been meaning to make an appointment anyway," Blair continued, sighing. "It's actually good that you went ahead and did it. Trust me, S."

"Oh...oh okay," Serena said after a moment, the tension seeming to rush out of her body."I got us..._you_ in tomorrow. I hope that's not too soon, or-"

Blair stared at her, confused. She tilted her head to the side and assessed Serena. "You mean...you're not going with me?" She could already hear the hint of desperation trying to creep into her voice and did her best to fight it off. She assumed Serena would be there for something like this. She _needed_ her there, to ground her and remind her that this was all going to be okay eventually.

"I..." Serena hesitated, glancing away. Her hand slipped out of Blair's and she sort of twiddled her thumbs, looking at them and then Blair's blouse and then the walls and everything _but_ Blair. "I wasn't sure you'd want me too." Her voice was kind of small, in a way that hurt Blair's heart unexpectedly because why wouldn't she want Serena there?

"Why wouldn't I?" She voiced a moment later, digging her nails into her palms to keep herself from forcing Serena to look at her because _God_ she just wants to see her eyes and see why she feels this way.

"Because...the things I said the other day. Acting like I don't care about this, like it's Nate's job and I don't want any part in helping you." She let out a deep, loud breath and then her eyes shot to meet Blair's and Blair felt her heart clench when she saw they were shining. "I really do care and I...I shouldn't have said those things, I really didn't mean them, I was just upset and..." She blurted all of this out in a rush, not pausing until Blair's hand squeezed her shoulder firmly and then remained there.

"God," she said, because since when is this an apology session? They were getting ready to have sex and were celebrating the ending of the Vanessa situation and all of a sudden it was _real_ and serious and Serena was almost crying and Blair didn't know how she got this wrong idea in her head that Blair didn't want her to come. She inhaled slowly. "Of course I want you to come Serena. You're the_ only_ person I want to come. And I forgave you for everything you said then, because I _know_, S. I know you didn't mean it. And if you did? Shit, I deserved it. I_ deserve_ it, Serena. Because of my horrible sense of judgement and ability to control myself, this happened and it's not your responsibility, it's mine. It's mine, and Nate's, but mostly mine. And no way in _hell_ is it yours."

"I want it to be, though," Serena interrupted, eyes wide. "I mean, in a way, I do. Because I want to help love it, because I love you."

"Thank you," Blair said simply, a small gust of air bursting from her lungs. "Don't ever think I don't want you to be there for this, Serena. For the appointment, for the pregnancy, for the time after. For everything. You're the person I love, and I told you," she reminded the blonde, unconciously dropping her hand to her stomach and holding it there, "I...I wish it could be yours. In _every_ sense."

They stared at each other then, and Blair wanted to kiss her but she also wanted to give Serena time for those words to sink in, because they were true, and misunderstandings like this shouldn't happen because Serena was unsure of Blair's feelings about her. After a long moment though, Serena leaned towards her, and right before their lips met Blair saw the blonde smile slightly.

"I'm excited, you know," Serena said quietly. "To learn about it, over time. To find out stuff about...your baby. And be there as it grows, and..." She bit her lip. "Yeah."

"You might as well says _ours_," teased Blair good-naturedly, because the desire to claim was written all over Serena's face.

Serena smiled, her head falling against Blair's stomach and her face pressing into it. Blair felt Serena's lips turn up in a grin, felt the blonde whisper "Ours", the word carrying through Blair's shirt and past her skin, gripping her heart and making her sigh with happiness. She placed a kiss into Serena's blonde locks absentmindedly before taking her chin and tilting her head upwards. Their lips connected softly for a moment until Serena's mouth opened and Blair's tongue delved inside, taking her want for Serena and laying it out clearly for the blonde to see.

Serena gripped Blair's waist, her finger digging there softly as their lips continued to meld together. After a minute Blair broke away, her lungs screaming for air and her lips traveling down Serena's smooth cheek and to her jaw. She pressed a kiss there, nibbled along the jaw line until she heard the faintest of groans from Serena, and then licked softly before reattaching her lips.

"I love you," she murmured against tan skin, dark eyes glancing up to watch as Serena's mouth opened in pleasure and she bit her lip. She ran a hand through her hair, tousling it, before her hand dropped down to grip Blair's hair at the back of her head. She was the sexiest thing Blair had ever seen in her entire time of existence, and she could feel herself getting wetter and wetter the more she stared. "Serena."

The blonde heard the want and lust dripping from Blair's voice like honey and she glanced downwards, eyes locking with Blair's and mouth twisting into a smirk. "Yes, B?" she purred, sending waves of pleasure shooting through Blair's body from her head to her toes, and exploding in her center.

"I understand how you feel," she breathed out, feeling her stomach clench and unclech as she watched Serena's clear blue pupils slowly darken with desire. "I want you. Like really bad. _Now_." She had the desire to just push Serena down by her throat and shove three fingers into her deeply and without hesitation, and watch the surprise that would surely flit across the blonde's face at such a bold action. Instead she bit her lip and broke away slighty and sat on her hands. She didn't want to have all these dirty thoughts so soon, but _God_ just glancing at Serena made her dream up the naughtiest things.

Serena inhaled deeply at that and closed her eyes. After a moment she released the breath loudly and bright eyes opened to level Blair with an intense stare. "Then take me," she murmured slowly.

Blair brought her hand to Serena's face, her thumb slowly tracing a path from the blonde's cheek to her slightly swollen lips. "You know what it does when you say things like that to me?" she asked, her voice low as her thumb retraced the circuit a couple more times. And just like that, she knew it was done. Deliciously dirty thoughts were pounding into her head and she was powerless to stop them and God she didn't _want_ them to stop.

Serena felt a smirk grace her lips; the brunette's mind seemed to have taken a turn down an interesting path, if the blush blooming across her fair skin was anything to go by. She licked her lips and Blair's thumb stilled. "I'm hoping it turns you on as much as it turns me on when you actually _do_ take me," Serena replied, almost shyly.

Blair resisted the urge to close her eyes and sigh loudly, because the way Serena was looking at her and the way her hand was sliding down Blair's torso made her feel so out of control and eager that it was way too embarrassing to express out loud. She gripped Serena's wrist tightly, abruptly forcing her on her back and straddling her. She could feel the wetness beginning to pool between her thighs as she stared down at the blonde's tousled hair and eager eyes.

"Mmm. So you're actually gonna be the one in control this time?" Serena murmured questioningly, hand sliding up Blair's waist and taunting eyes locking with the brunette's.

Blair opened her mouth, closing it again before she ran her hand tantalizingly up Serena's stomach, across her chest, to her neck, pressing her down by her throat. "If I recall correctly," she retorted softly, pressing down harder, "You encountered a fair amount of this last time, did you not?"

"A bit," Serena allowed, leaning into Blair's touch. "But you don't take much control, unless I do it first. Sometimes, you don't at all." She sneered and Blair knew Serena was purposefully trying to rile her up and get her bothered but God, she nearly wanted to smack her in the face. She was Blair fucking Waldorf, and she was always in control, in some way or another. "After that time in the bathroom when we first established this, in which you were deliciously hostile, by the way," Serena added as an afterthought, "It hasn't been the same. Lost your _edge_, B?"

Blair did smack her then, but on the thigh that Serena had wrapped around her waist. Serena jumped slightly at the loud crack before she settled back down again, smile growing wider. "And when you are rough, is it only because I tell you to, now? Good girl."

"Shut. Up. And don't call me that," Blair hissed. She dug her nails into Serena's stomach, dragging them down slowly and leaving long, deep scratches that had Serena sighing and twisting up into her. "I don't do what you say." But she did, and she knew it and Serena knew it and it killed her a little that Serena knew she was the only one that could ever control Blair. She knew they were together and she loved Serena and all that, but shit, the knowledge of Serena's potential power over her made her feel weak and she despised coming off as weak to anyone, even Serena. _Especially_ Serena. But she had never had a problem with Serena controlling her until now, and even now it wasn't really a _problem_. She knew that Serena was only trying to get under her skin for fun. But Blair figured it wouldn't do any harm to put Serena in her place for the time being.

"Oh, but you do," insisted Serena happily, reaching up to palm Blair's breast roughly as the brunette watched her with dark eyes. "And right now, I want you to fuck me. Will you, B?"

It wasn't a question and Blair knew Serena wasn't asking any more than she was telling. Blair refused to give her what she wanted, but she could feel the blush that swept it's way across her face, and she could see that Serena saw it too with the way the blonde's lips turned up at the corners. If Blair was going to stay strong, Serena's deep, scrutinizing eyes could not be watching all of her emotions flit across her face. She put her thumb to Serena's lips, the word "No," slipping out like a sigh and way less forceful than she had intended it to be. Serena opened her mouth so Blair's thumb could slip in, sucking softly on the finger and looking up at Blair with wide, pleading, manipulative eyes and barely able to conceal her sneer as she watched Blair watch her.

Blair let her thumb slip out of Serena's mouth as she pressed a palm to the blonde's stomach, using it to push herself off Serena and into a standing position next to the couch. She breathed out slowly. "I'll be right back. I want you lying there like that, exactly the same when I return." She leveled Serena with a serious stare. "I mean it, Serena. _Don't_ move."

Serena nodded slightly with a roll of her eyes, and Blair made a mental note to punish her for that later as she climbed her steps and made her way to her bedroom. She went straight to her dresser, getting down on her knees and yanking open the very last drawer, digging through the pile of clothes until she got to the back and grabbed what she was looking for. She slammed the drawer shut and walked down the stairs lightly, because God help her if she found that Serena hadn't listened...

She saw Serena lying their with her eyes closed and her hand in her shorts, and she rolled her eyes, allowing her footing to become heavier and nosier as she descended the last few steps and sauntered into the family room. Watching as Serena stared at her unabashedly, her hand still moving in her shorts without shame, Blair dropped her things on the table and stepped closer, gripping Serena's wrist hard enough to bruise as she dragged the blonde's hand from the confines of her shorts. "You're such a fucking whore, Serena, I said _don't_. _Move_." She threw Serena's wrist out her grasp and reached down, cupping Serena through her shorts and squeezing tightly as Serena whimpered. "What about my order did you not understand?"

Serena watched as Blair leaned over and grabbed a pair of handcuffs, and they were black and sparkly and it was all Serena could do to refrain from scoffing because sparkly, really? and...wait..._handcuffs_?

"What are you...where...how," spluttered Serena, confused as Blair reached for her toned shoulder and yanked her into a sitting position, straddling her lap and looking at her with amusement. "When..."

Blair reached for Serena's shirt and tugged it over her head so she wouldn't have to worry about it after Serena was handcuffed.. "Seems someone made a mistake," Blair sung softly, smirking as Serena leaned towards her to bring their faces together. She laughed as she placed a hand on Serena's sternum to restrain her, continuing. "I've always been ready to dominate you, S. I just wasn't sure when the right time would be. But now..." she laughed hoarsely and it hit Serena right between her legs; she barely noticed as Blair's arms encircled her and forced her wrists together behind her back. When she heard the sound of one handcuff snapping around her wrist she shivered, causing Blair to press a kiss to her ear with a smirk as she closed the second one around Serena's other wrist. "I kind of wish we would have started this in my bedroom, so I could have handcuffed you to the bed. But, this should do for now." She bit Serena's earlobe as she lightly kneaded her breast, causing the blonde to arch her back slightly, craving more of the brunette's touch.

Serena whimpered as Blair placed a hand on her chest and forced her to sit back. "Stay _down_, Serena," she ordered firmly, reaching towards the table to grasp the last thing she had brought; a silk blindfold.

Serena's eyes widened as she began to protest. "No, I wanna see you while-"

"I know you do, baby," Blair cooed, carefully slipping the blindfold around the blonde's eyes and tying it tightly around her head. She smiled when the blonde made a move to take it off, before remembering her hands were handcuffed together behind her back.

"I-" Serena began and Blair slapped her thigh, trying hard not to let out an aroused sigh; it was delicious when Serena tried to rebel. She began trailing her pointer finger down Serena's neck and down the valley in between her breasts before she reached around and unclasped her bra. Serena, sensing Blair's closeness, blindly tried to lean up and press their lips together. Blair chuckled and put a hand over Serena's mouth, using it to push her down. Serena bit at her middle finger with sharp teeth and Blair released her mouth, her hand instead sliding down to press at her neck before sliding_ lower_.

She grasped Serena's thigh in her hand and watched as the blonde bit her lip at the touch. Blair could tell how badly Serena wanted to rip the blindfold from her eyes and the knowledge made the brunette smile widely. When she pressed a hand _there_ and Serena unconsciously arched her back and sighed, Blair's grin widened even more.

"What do you want, Serena?" she asked softly, pressing her hand there again and keeping it there, letting Serena sort of ride it for a moment before she pulled it away.

"Touch me," Serena breathed out, her voice quivering with barely suppressed desire as she dug her nails into her palms behind her back. "_Please_, B."

Blair, pleased that she hadn't even had to tell Serena to beg, stood up and reached to grasp Serena's long, fair hair, using it to quickly yank her up as well. "Get up." Serena stumbled and Blair wrapped an arm around her waist, steadying her since she would be unable to brace herself if she fell. She pressed a soft, closed-mouth kiss to Serena's collarbone, allowing the short moment of tenderness. "I love you," she murmured, almost as if it was an afterthought, but in reality it had been teetering at the edge of her tongue for awhile now because even if she was doing this dominating, in-total-control-thing, she wanted to make sure that Serena knew no matter what she did, she was still _Serena's_ Blair, that one that loved her and thought she was the most special thing in the world.

"I love you too," Serena said softly, wishing desperately that she could reach out and pull Blair closer, or at least that she could see the brunette's face while they exchanged these words.

Blair noticed Serena's desire to pull her closer, and she also wished for a split second that she hadn't handcuffed and blindfolded Serena so soon, but she just knelt down on her knees and kissed her girlfriend's flat stomach lightly. "Soon, baby," she reassured her, before she tugged down Serena's shorts and went to work teaching her that Blair Waldorf was always in control


	20. Chapter 20

**I'm so sorry for the long ass wait. No excuses other than that I haven't watched Gossip Girl in about a year so I kind of lost the inspiration to write Waldsen. I haven't had a whole lot of time to write at all lately, and when i did i was struck with the urge to write Faberry because Glee is like the best thing ever and completely what i'm into right now. I know, I'm sorry I didn't mean to abandon those of you who read this. But i'm hoping to not make you guys wait like that again. I hope this story hasn't lost the...feel is used to have. Taking so much time off from writing it has made me feel kind of out of place and awkward when it came to writing it again. This chapter is kind of short and is more of a fluff/filler. nothing serious.**

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"Baby," Blair husked, laughing quietly as Serena trailed lingering kisses across her collarbone. "Baby, baby, baby. I'm tired."

"Mm, I'm not," replied Serena, placing a hand on the back of the brunette's head and tugging her closer so their lips could meet. "The way you...the way you took control I can't...I," she groaned appreciatively into Blair's mouth when the other girl's tongue slipped into her mouth languidly. "I'm wet all over again just thinking about it, B."

"That's...wonderful," Blair giggled, flattered. She felt herself blush and Serena smiled at her cutely. "But seriously, how could you possibly go another round, it's been like 2 hours, I don't understand-"

"Because I'm a fucking sex goddess," murmured Serena, smirking as she stood up and grabbed for her clothes, throwing Blair's to her as well so they could get dressed. She then sat down next to the brunette and pushed at her shoulder, indicating for her to turn around and lay back so she was pressed against Serena's front. "But since you're not as much of a sex goddess as I am and therefore do not have the same amount of stamina, I'll let you rest and we can just cuddle for now."

Blair smiled and snuggled back against her girlfriend, feeling her smile burst wider when the blonde slipped her arms around her and squeezed tightly. "I have a serious question for you, S."

"Yes, ma'am?" Serena replied, absently pressing her lips to Blair's temple before nuzzling into her. That was one of Blair's favorite things about Serena; she was just so naturally affectionate.

"When do you want to...tell everyone about us?"

Serena was silent for a few long seconds. Then, "It doesn't matter to me, Blair. You know I'll wait for you to be ready."

That frustrated Blair, that she was holding Serena back. "I'm ready, S. I'm done being scared. I don't care what anyone is going to think, or say. You're mine, and I want _everyone_ to know that."

She could feel Serena hesitating again, and opened her mouth, ready to talk for however long was necessary to prove that she was in no way ashamed of the blonde, of their relationship. Serena's questions immediately stopped her. "And you want to come out with the news of our relationship before...before the news of your pregnancy?"

Her voice wasn't judgmental or anything in any way, just generally curious, and Blair found herself seriously pondering the question as well. As hard as it was for her to admit and as shallow and ashamed as she felt for thinking it, one of the first thought that crossed her mind was which secret would be more socially appropriate, and therefore, hopefully a bit easier to reveal. She immediately berated herself; she knew that a lot of people wouldn't agree with her becoming pregnant so young, and she knew that a hell of a lot more people wouldn't agree with her choosing to date a girl. But she wasn't embarrassed of neither Serena nor the baby, her child. She was strong; she was a _Waldorf_. Who cared what anyone thought, none of them were in the least bit important in her life when it came down to it.

Serena pressing a kiss to her cheek brought her out of her thoughts and she squeezed the arms that the blonde had wrapped around her, a silent thank you for being there, for being comforting, for not pushing and being patient. Blair was immensely lucky to have her.

"Yes," she said after a minute, her voice firm. "No offense to the baby but...right now, since it's not developed much or anything...right now...this is more important to me. I want everyone to know, S." It was slowly dawning on her, how wonderful it would feel to not have to censor herself with Serena in public, to be able to come up behind the blonde and hug her, be kissed by her, let everyone know that was her girlfriend. These realizations were hitting Blair almost abruptly, and they felt amazing.

Overwhelmed, she turned slightly so she was more in Serena's lap and facing the side, so she could easily turns and bury her face into her girlfriend's neck. Serena's laugh rang out as Blair nuzzled into her. "Who do we tell first?" she asked the brunette.

Blair loved the meaning that carried, the fact that her and Serena were involved in such a big decision_ together_. She wasn't really sure where these emotions and sappy feelings were coming from but nevertheless she nuzzled into Serena even further before letting out a muffled, "It's up to you, S."

"I..." Serena was quiet for a minute, hugging Blair tightly. "Our...parents?" She scoffed at herself. "That was stupid, I mean obviously we'll tell them, I just-"

Blair could tell Serena was growing increasingly anxious and maybe nervous despite how much she wanted this to happen, so she reached up blindly to run her fingers through long blonde hair.

Serena took a steadying breath. "Your mom?" she asked tentatively . "If you don't want we can tell mine first..."

"We can tell her, Serena," replied Blair, slightly picking her head up so Serena had perhaps a little bit more of a shot at understanding her. As soon as she was done speaking however she burrowed right back into the girl.

"You sure, B?" Serena asked, stroking Blair's head softly. "I want to do whatever makes you most comfortable, baby."

Blair mumbled, "You make me most comfortable."

Serena narrowed her eyes. "Are you falling asleep?" she asked incredulously. "Blair!"

Blair whined. She was abruptly exhausted, and she'd bet money that the reason was her girlfriends impossible stamina when it came to sex. "Sorry, 'm tired."

"This is an important decision, B!"

"5 minutes."

Serena sighed and said nothing; she would give her girl whatever she wanted and they both knew it. She was glad the brunette was beginning to slip into sleep, because she knew otherwise the brunette would crack some kind of joke about her being whipped.

She was though, and wouldn't deny it for a second.

She started in surprise when the elevator dinged, glancing at Blair to check that she hadn't woken her up. Their position looked a little...compromising, but they had always been the sort of cuddly, touchy feely friends so she prayed that whoever walked in just took it as that.

It was Eleanor. Serena held her breath. Maybe by some stroke of luck she would walk right past the couch and not even notice they-

"Oh, hello Serena."

Serena's mouth twisted into a polite smile immediately. "Nice to see you, Eleanor. How have you been?"

"Wonderful, wonderful." Blair's mom answered, her eyes sweeping over the two girls on the couch for the briefest of seconds before she turned to the kitchen. "Just stopped by to grab something really quick and then I must be off. It was nice to see you!" she called.

"You too," Serena replied courteously. She wasn't sure if the fact that Blair's mother was not very involved in her daughter's life would work to their advantage or not. Maybe she wouldn't be too...opinionated when she found out the news they were planning to share.

She could only hope.

She squeezed Blair tighter and the brunette let out a little whimper of contentment.


End file.
